God is Huge
Friday, August 7, 2009
This might be a longer blog, so if you're in a rush, turn back now!
As my readers know, I work at a family-owned business. I think that this business is one that God has planted here and has huge plans for it's employees and clients. One thing that really attracts me about working there is that things come up and we all come together like a family would. We have all had our days and it doesn't cause a single inconvenience to any other because we have relationships like that.
I really don't know if I am supposed to be sharing this, but I feel like God works in big ways and we are so small that a lot of times, we look over it. My boss, Krissy called me to come into work early today because her grandma is going through an all-of-a-sudden surgery that gives her a very small chance of making it through because she is so frail. When she called me to come into work for her, all I could do was pray (while getting ready really fast!) for God's comfort and hand to be in her family. Right then, I felt God prompting me to personalize Jeremiah 29:11-12 for her. So, before heading to work, on a small piece of paper I wrote:
This brings me to my second thought. After I slipped Krissy the piece of paper, she called me a little later (while rushing to the hospital) and one thing she wanted me to know was that I am "a vessel of God." Why is this so hard for me to accept? For the longest time now, the Enemy has had a hand on my faith and has made me feel worthless and defeated. Since I have become a Believer, I have spent more time doubting my faith than I have spent believing that I am actually saved. I go through spurts of really living for God and handing my life over to Him and then I go back to never reading or praying. This is my fault and I do not have a single "it's His fault" bone in my body. When I share these struggles with people, all they do is try to assure me that I am saved, I am a godly woman, etc. But really, it doesn't mean a single thing to me. Why? Because people don't know my heart, they don't know the "blah" of me and God's relationship. I think that even when I try to assure myself of my salvation, I can't even believe myself . . . except for when I remind myself that that is the Enemy's job! He doesn't want me having any comfort or rest in knowing God; he doesn't want me to do work in God's name; he doesn't want me doing anything that furthers God's kingdom . . . he would rather have me spend my walk in doubt, struggle, and hesitation. When I think about all of that, then I have confirmation that I am written in God's book and that I will be able to spend eternity praising God for his greatness.
So, I guess that even if the Enemy is deceiving me and trying to control my growth, others can see that there is something Bigger working in my life. This brings me to remember 1 John 4:4:
By the way, if you are reading this, please stop by Krissy's blog. She is a godly woman that writes nothing that doesn't glorify God. The only problem is that I am her only reader and she needs more! Also, please keep her and her family in your prayers.
Posted byAshley C. at 9:36 AM
Labels: God, lesson learned, struggles
