Feeling your heartbeat

In memory of Andre, we did a lot of worshipping this weekend . . . that's everything Andre's life was about.  If Andre wasn't worshipping with another church, he was at his home church, walking the halls with his guitar, praising and worshipping his audience of One.  So many people shared that they saw Andre as one of the closest things to Jesus and I have to agree.  One of the songs that we sang on Saturday and Sunday was a song called "The more I seek You;"  this was one of Dre's favorite songs.  This song was one of those that immediately draw an image in your mind and bring you to the Savior in tears and reverance.

The more I seek you,
The more I find you
The more I find you,
The more I love you

I wanna sit at your feet
Drink from the cup in your hand.
Lay back against you and breath, feel your heart beat
This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand.
I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming

Aside from this being a beautiful song, really picture what these lyrics are saying.  Can you imagine sitting at his feet while he lets you drink from the cup in his hand, and then allows you to lay back against him, feeling his heartbeat and being able to do that all day, every day for all of eternity.  Imagine the talks that you two will have.  Why something happened, how he performed that miracle, why he was willing to die on a cross for your sins alone (and why he would do it again).
I want to share the song with you and was able to find it on Youtube.  Please take a minute to listen and praise God for his unfathomable love. 

Posted byAshley C. at 11:13 AM Post a comment (1) Love Notes  

Andre's homegoing

Yesterday, Josh's family lost an amazing, godly, gentle-spirited, young man.  Andre was one of the most kind guys that I have ever met.  Although I was not close to Andre, we were friends (would have been cousins, too!).  I can recall some good memories that we've shared and it seems that many of the friends he had can do the same.  I can promise that not a single person could ever say a bad thing about Andre and the life that he lived. 
As I've mentioned before (like, a hundred two hundred times before!), I do not handle death well.  It's one of those ginormous struggles of mine but also where I can find peace knowing that it is a strength that Josh has.  I knew the day would come where I would have to hike up my britches and comfort Josh for a loss in his family and I was sooo scared about it.  But, like always, Josh surprised me.  The way he thinks of it is that Andre is in a much better place, without pain or sickness.  Josh said that every single memory he has of Andre was a good one so that's where he finds his comfort.  Me, on the other hand, thinks in an earthly manner; But, Thanksgiving is next week, his brother's (and best friend) birthday is next month just like Christmas.  What is the church going to be like without his praise and worship?  He never had the chance to share an intimate love with a spouse, he was so young.  But here's the key: Andre does not care!  He is worshipping face-to-face with his Creator!  How amazing is that?!  I think where I get caught up on my sad thoughts is for the individual; for the things that they've missed out on.  But, Andre was here for God's purpose and it is clear that he served his purpose and then some!  His time here on earth was temporary and he made the most of it.  All of his family and friends will be reunited with him before Andre's day is over in Heaven. 

Yesterday, I asked Josh to share with me one of his best memories with Andre and this is the story he told:

When they were younger, Micah (Josh's brother) and Josh were in boxing and Chuck (Andre's brother) and Andre always teased them that they didn't know how to fight and that they were better than them.  Chuck dared Josh to punch him and Andre in the stomach the hardest that he could to see if it would hurt.  Josh told them "no way," but in the end, Chuck was able to talk Josh into punching them under one condition: they had to take turns in the room so that the other wouldn't see how hard Josh could actually punch and cause the other to "wuss" out.  First, it was Chuck's turn.  WHAM! Chuck fell to the ground holding his stomach, grunting.  Micah scraped Chuck off the floor and made him leave the room.  Second, Micah brought Andre in the room and WHAM!.  "That's all you got?" Andre said, standing confidently with a straight face.  Josh said that when he punched Andre in the stomach, all he felt was his hard abs and it was no wonder Josh couldn't hurt Andre!  Andre said, "Your fist hurt my skin, though. I know for sure I'll be sore tomorrow" and kept repeating himself.  I'm going to go out on a limb that Andre would still like to tease Josh about how he punches like a sissy. ;)

Posted byAshley C. at 5:53 PM 0 Love Notes  

I'm just preparing myself

I'm beginning to feel like I'm talking to myself on here.  People always tell me that they read my blogs, but no one comments and I haven't had a new follower since day one.  I can tell you that one reason for that is that most of the blogs I follow are the ones that I cannot yet relate to: the stay-at-home, crafty, money-saving, photographer, mommy blogs.  What interest do they have in a girl like me?  I'm kind of in limbo right now.  I've tried the whole money-saving thing and as I mentioned before, I really stink at balancing.  I'm not yet a mom, I actually have to go to work, and try to become a photographer on the side.  I love reading the blogs that I read because I have learned a lot and I can honestly say that had it not been for following the blogs that I follow, I would never had started clipping coupons, became interested in photography, or have a strong opinion for breast-feeding (and cloth diapers and baby-wearing!). 

Who am I you might ask?  A 22-year old that is engaged and planning a wedding for next July.  I am still living at home, but mostly buy my own groceries so I attempt to save as much money as I can in the process.  I do not have kids, but want a handful of them ASAP and when I do, I will try with all I have to solely breast-feed.  I would like to call myself a professional photographer but the truth is that I haven't even found myself or my voice.  Kinda funny that I'm reading the blogs that I am, huh?  No, I am not trying to become something that I'm not but I don't think you have an idea how badly I want to be at the stage in my life where I can say I am a stay-at-home mom that only breast feeds, uses cloth diapers, and carries my baby in a sling while I am balancing blogging, photography, and loving my husband with my entire heart.  I'm just preparing myself. ;)

Posted byAshley C. at 3:40 PM Post a comment (1) Love Notes  

D90 desires

It was a glorious day when I got my long-awaited DSLR.  I waited and waited for it . . . and my Lover made me a deal and said that if we could leave the mall, I would have my camera in 15 minutes. Deal!

But . . . I am now selling the body so that I can upgrade to something a little more "high grade."  The awesome thing is that I am still sticking to my philosophy of only spending business-made money on business desires to keep me clear from debt.  I am going to put my other lens purchase on hold until I am able to purchase a new body.  Wanna see the new body I want? 

Pretty, huh? ;)

Posted byAshley C. at 8:32 PM 0 Love Notes  

Our first year

Josh and I began dating about a week before he left for his first year of college about 3.5 hours away.  I was still at home finishing up my senior year of high school.  Our love was sparkly and new . . . and we had no choice but to be sure that it was strong, too.  He was attending school to major in computer science and still fulfill the duties he had since receiving his full-ride scholarship to play baseball.  We knew that we wouldn't be seeing each other more than once every other month so we talked on the phone.  A lot.  When I got home from school, I waited by my phone until he got home from practice and we talked until the wee hours in the morning. And did it all over again the next day.

Until his dad stepped in.

What?!  Only 1 hour a day?  He has got to be crazy!!  "I know babe, we'll just have to talk more online, I guess."  Yeah, that kinda sucked.  It was much more different than actually hearing his voice and being able to hear about his day, how practice went, what new schemes his evil roommates plotted that day.  We thought of almost every idea in the books: chatting via webcams, leaving each other looong voicemails until it beeped (hoping that wouldn't reflect used minutes), text messages, surprise letters.  He wouldn't let me drive to visit since I hadn't had much experience driving on the highway since the nightmare.  But, along with his not-often-enough visits back home, I was able to visit twice that year with my soon-to-be roommates.

I suppose it was more than enough to get us through our first year apart.  We spent every moment of every day that Summer and into our first year of school together.  Being 3.5 hours away from home was all the more reason.  But, that's another story for another day.

Posted byAshley C. at 5:07 PM Post a comment (1) Love Notes