I'm So Over You

I feel like I haven't blogged in so long! I have so much to write about on here now . . .

So, today I was super excited because I finally got to go see a dermatologist. Yeah, I would normally keep this to myself because it's a girl-kinda thing we don't usually talk about . . . kind of like push-up bras or Spanx . . . we just like to make it look effortless. Whatever. My face is not really that bad, but I am a grown woman and I shouldn't be breaking out like I am a boy going through puberty. The doctor prescribed me two medications: one topical gel and some pills. On my way out, he gave me two coupons, one of which was for $35 off the prescription. I was thinking to myself "Coupons of high value mean that the item is really expensive. Crap." So, I went to the pharmacy, dropped them off, and they told me that for both of the prescriptions, it will be $200! Thank goodness I have insurance, otherwise they would have costed $900! That is just insance. So in essence, I looked like a poor person walking around with acne on my face. Huh.
Any way, later I called to get the price (after the coupons were run through the system) and fortunately, they will both only cost $58. What a weight off my shoulders. I mean, I want a clear face, but for that price, that medication better replace acne with gold flakes.
So, starting tomorrow, I am working towards a new me. I will be watching what I eat, working out two times a day, and working on this beautiful face. Watch out, now!

On a more serious note, I am going to let you in on a story about my dad. So, lately, he has been ignoring my texts, so on Sunday, I sent him a text that simply said, "Long time, no talk." He replied back with a smart comment and it just escalated from there. It ended with his wife being his mouth piece. I ignored them and didn't reply. Well, this morning, my dad sent me a text that said, "What's your problem now? All it takes is a simple text saying, 'Hi.'" He only said this because he was trying to mock me and say what I already said in hopes to making me upset. It worked. I just replied back by saying, "Hi, dad." So, to make a long story short, after a few texts, he was upset that I didn't text my step-brother who was visiting him. I told him that I was busy but tell him "hi" for me. He said "Whatever." This really sent me over the edge. I sent him a message that basically told him that I was fed up with his smart comments and him popping in and out of my life with no consideration to how it affects me. He ignores me when I attempt to have a consistent relationship with him and it's been that way for 18 years. I told him that I was done and when he's ready to be a father, let me know, otherwise, I am done with him because I am tired of sacrificing and giving my all to someone that doesn't acknowledge that. He replied back by saying, "What started all of this?" Umm, hello. It doesn't just start, it has been an on-going process and I'm through. His absence has affected me enough and I am too strong to let him keep tearing me down. That was the end of the conversation. No reply from him.

Remember when I was talking about my two bad hard drives? I finally got a new one in the mail, thanks to Josh. He finally installed it and my laptop is officially running smoothly. By some miracle, I didn't lose any of my music! Josh transferred all of my files onto his computer so that I didn't lose them, but I never thought my thousands of songs transferred, too! So, my computer is like (not-so) new! No more frustration towards my pretty pink laptop.

When everyone was crazy about Twilight, they kept insisting that I read it. "You can't put it down once you start." So, I didn't want to start, because I didn't have the extra time to put into 4 foot-thick books when I have a stack of homework pending.
I just started Twilight today! I love it! I saw the movie, and people were right, they are soo different! I like that I can picture Bella and Edward. When I'm reading, I have a movie reel in the back of my head . . . it's awesome! So, I am so excited to finish the book and start on the next. Actually, I want to end this blog so I can go read!

That's just what I'll do. Bring this to a close. I will definitely keep blogging about my new gold-plated face and how the pounds are building. I mean shedding.

Random Fact: The average human accidentally eats 8 spiders in their lifetime.

Posted byAshley C. at 9:57 PM Post a comment (1) Love Notes  

Headaches and Cheekaches

This weekend couldn't have been more relaxing! I have had major headaches from sleeping so much and my cheeks still hurt from smiling and laughing so much with my clubbers! Where to start . . .

My roomie (well, ex-roomie, but she still and will always hold that title) has been so down in the dumps because her husband thought that serving the country is better than being at home with his new wife (sarcasm). Me and Josh had to take her out of the house and show her a good time. We know all about that! We picked her up in Club Clipsy, cranked up the music, and rocked out all the way to Chicago. Man, what an awesome time. We love her because she is never afraid to let loose. I am the kind of girl that loves being crazy, having fun . . . simply being me, and I don't want to be weighed down with trying to entertain. This girl is an entertainer! After 3 hours of music, hundreds of grams of sugar from snacks, and tons of pictures later, I look in the back seat and she was sleeping! Party pooper! I guess it really payed off when she admitted that this was the first time that she has actually had fun since her husband has been gone. Thanks, girl!

The following day, me and Josh picked up one of our "couples" and thought it'd be fun to go back to Chicago. It was really fun just being silly and being able to enjoy each other. We planned on going to Grant and Millennium Park. Windows down. Music (and bass) up. Hot Cheetos and Red Bull. $18 parking. It all results in a great time with these two . . . one of which hates Chicago. How can you hate Chicago? "The parking sucks. It's dirty. Too many poor people. Too much traffic. Too crowded. It stinks." Excuse me, sir, we are no longer in a small, 30,000 person town. I think he just needs to go out more and look beyond some things. Maybe he did. I think we actually got it out of him that it was nice. ;-] Regardless of how long it took for Negative Ned to warm up, we had a great time! We love these two because they are so unique! I don't think we laugh more with (or at) other people than we do with them.

The more I actually hang out with people, I ask myself, "What makes me dislike meeting new people?" Like, I strongly dislike meeting new people. I don't like the awkward silence. I don't like the limp handshakes. I just don't like anything about meeting new people. Why? I really do love my friends . . . each and every one of them. I know that friends are what makes life more rich and I don't really reach out and let more people in. Maybe that should be my new goal: meet new people and be interested in investing time in them.

No. I'm not going to lie. I probably won't achieve this goal!

My weekend-long summer is almost over. I have class tomorrow night and for the next two Saturdays, then I start 3 online classes that following Monday. At least they're online. I don't think December can get here any quicker.

Now that I have officially and completely come across writer's block, I am going to pick this up again tomorrow when I am more focused.

Random Fact: Children grow faster in the springtime. -- This could mean that I'll grow a few more inches! ;-]

Posted byAshley C. at 7:21 PM Post a comment (1) Love Notes  

As Easy and Painless as Climbing a Mountain . . .

In 1988, I was born in Hawai'i to a young, faithful mother and a young Military father that had better things to do than stay home with his wife and daughter.

I was three years old when mom and dad both decided that they'd had enough of each other and chose to go their own separate ways. Me and my new baby sister stayed with mom and we moved to Michigan. So did dad. Good thing we were too young to know what was going on.

I was four years old when dad began to think that he can pop in and out of me and my sister's lives with no regard. We loved our mom and dad no matter how much they hated each other. Mom had no choice but to spend that Christmas alone, without us because dad had his own tricks up his sleeves.

I was five years old when mom took us and moved to Illinois to start a fresh, new life without dad in the way. Mom worked and went to school full-time in order to support her two babies. She met a new guy and he was able to be the man that her ex-husband was not.

I was seven years old when mom moved us back to Michigan in order to help take care of her dying grandma. I got to visit dad every other weekend. Some times he wouldn't even show up. I made a lot of friends and got attached to our new life. We moved back to Illinois by the end of the school year.

I was ten years old when mom decided to marry the man from five years ago. Of course I hated the guy. He loved my sister more and he was there for her when my dad wasn't there for me. I refused to call him dad. He stole my mom and my sister, the only two people that I loved.

I was thirteen years old when I met a guy and thought he was "the one." How naive. Girls at this age aren't supposed to be attracted to the opposite sex. They are supposed to be playing with Barbies and riding their bikes. I gave a piece of my heart to a boy that disrespected me, played mind games, and didn't love me for me. Mom didn't approve of this relationship and warned me, but I knew better.
We broke up a year later. Pieces of my heart missing and never able to get back.

I was fifteen when I began talking to a football and baseball player. I dropped all of my friends, ignored my mom's concern, and traded it all in for this guy that I just knew had to be "the one" this time. We not only "loved" each other, but we were best friends and nothing could get in the way of that. One Sunday, his mom asked us to go to church with her. Whatever would impress her, I was all for doing.

I was sixteen when I began attending a church every Sunday and accepted Christ into my heart on February 29, 2004. We were both baptized at our new home church on April 11, 2004. I was becoming more mature, not on my own, but through God. I turned my life around. I chose new friends, new music, and new thoughts. An all-around new way of living. Me and "the one" realized that we were only getting in each other's ways of improving our relationship with God. We argued a lot, caused each other to sin, and began to lose interest in what we had created.
We broke up a year later. Yet, another large piece of my heart given away. Just like that.

I was sixteen when, after constant prayer, my sister decided to make the same decision to follow Christ.

I was seventeen when I began talking to a friend that I found very peculiar. He was a man of God, respected his mother, and was the most chivalrous of all men I had ever known. Of all the times my dad neglected me, and pieces of my heart stolen by people I never really knew, I knew there was something different about this particular guy. He loved me for me and the same for myself. He taught me to believe in myself and trust others even when I never felt that I could. He showed me a whole new perspective and taught me to respect and love my family. He taught me that there was more to beauty than outward appearance. He allowed me pour out my heart and not pass a single judgement on me. He provided a comfort in my life that I have never known before him. He held my hands and prayed with me when he felt that it was needed . . . and even when it wasn't. This time, my whole heart was taken away.

I was eighteen when I moved away to school with two of my close friends and another girl that we picked out of a pile of prospective residents. All was great when we first moved in. We hung out all the time, laughed, had fun, and just enjoyed each other's company. After a few months of living with each other, things began to go rotten. We didn't get along. I felt left out of the things that those three would do. I can't completely blame this on them. Actually, I can take 90% of the blame because I wasn't a bigger person and tried to mend things, only make them worse. The whole time, the amazing man I met a year ago was still by my side, loving me and keeping me entertained even when I didn't think a guy could do a girl's job.

I was nineteen when I went with a group of seven other people on a four week missions trip to Indonesia. My relationship with God was sparked with freshness and my eyes were opened. I began to see that Americans aren't the only ones that reside on this planet. There are people that actually enjoy the simple things of life. People that are literally the most faithful and persevering individuals I have ever met. I shared stories, listened to others, and built a foundation for long-lasting friendships.

I am twenty one years old. I am attending a university and coming to the end of my schooling. I will walk out one semester early with two Bachelor's Degree: one in Psychology and the other in Sociology. I will also have a Mental Health Skills certificate. I am more mature than I ever thought I'd be. I am more independent than I ever thought possible. I am more secure, confident, and faithful than I can sometimes believe. I have grown to be the woman I am because of what has shaped and molded me. I do not have a single regret. In fact, I am more than grateful for what has happened in my past because I wouldn't be who I am now if it weren't for what has happened. I am still in love with the one that I met four years ago. We know that we will be getting married and we are just waiting for God to tell us that we are ready. Even though I can never get back those pieces of my heart that I gave away, I will love him with every single piece of what I have to offer. I know that friends are one of the biggest treasures God gives, so I need to value them, for every flaw they might have because this is what beautifies them. I have learned that in order to trust people, you can't keep yourself contained, you have to take risks. I have learned that people will go in and out of your life for reasons. I have come to realize that my relationship with God isn't perfect and never will be. I must keep on pursuing perfection until the day that He returns. I try to live my life the way that God has called me to. I will wait patiently for what God has in store and plan my life around that, not the other way around.

This is me. This is who I am. My journey has been as easy and as painless as climbing a mountain.

Posted byAshley C. at 12:31 PM 2 Love Notes  

Love in Full Bloom

Love in full bloom. That's what I have been feeling a lot the past few days. Maybe it has something to do with the weather. There is something so much more different from winter and summer and the feelings the two seasons bring.

Today me and Josh were supposed to just go to the park with our bucket of baseballs and two bats. One of which is probably two times the size I should use. We make do with what we have . . . I guess. We planned on going and hitting around some balls and just have fun together. Of course, those plans didn't go through. Instead, we decided to pack ourselves a lunch and go have a picnic instead. Again, those plans fell through as well. I had to hurry to get to class, so we just set up our lunch on the back patio and enjoyed it there instead. Before we started eating, I felt like something was missing on the table. "Close your eyes. Promise you won't open them." I told Josh. So, I snuck over to the lilac tree, cut him some lilacs, and brought them to him. He deserved something sweet for once. Even though they made his allergies flare up.

The weather has been so beautiful and so fresh lately that it really has forced me to look at me and Josh's love a little differently. I truly do believe that love goes through its seasons. Summer is the best. Both in the actual seasonal meaning and in the relationship sense. Why summer? Because not only is it a time for couples to be able to enjoy each other in the beautiful weather, do enjoyable things, but most of all, my favorite reason: it's temporary. If summer were summer all year round, it wouldn't be what it is. Summer is a time of renewal, fun, and freshness. I look at summer as a representation of a dimension of love. Of course, there are 3 other seasons and love needs that. Love needs a time of hardships, dryness, and storms. If it didn't, love wouldn't be what it is. Love needs a summer time for the reconnection of the two and as much as I don't want to say it again, but a refreshment of the two souls. Even though summer is a more enjoyable time, it's opposite, winter, needs to be embraced, as well. When winter comes around, it really is a hard time for all living things like plants and animals to endure and push through this kind of weather. Not all living things get a chance to see summer again, but if they are strong enough to get through the craziness of winter, they are sure to see summer. This is so much like love. Not all couples are strong enough to persevere through hardships, but when they do, they are going to have so much more beauty to show off in the most beautiful seasons of life.

I am so grateful and thankful that God has placed an amazing man like Josh to go through life with. Anytime I need Josh, he is never behind me watching me experience life, he walking beside me, hand-in-hand experiencing it with me. I couldn't ask for more.

Joshua, I love you and I appreciate you more than I could ever express. We have the most beautiful love I know because we have been able to endure the hard times and embrace the good. Let's enjoy our summer together. I can sleep well at night knowing that I have the most amazing man to hold me through winter's nights.

Random fact: The original name for a butterfly was a flutterby.

Posted byAshley C. at 9:13 PM Post a comment (1) Love Notes  

Ten Twenty Eight

Hooray for day number two! I am actually pretty excited to blog today . . . even though it wasn't a very adventurous day. Today was such a beautiful day, so me and Josh went for a walk. I challenged Josh in doing flips and it's official: my arms (and wrists) are stronger than his. Not to mention, I do better flips! If you can't tell, I'm a competitive person. I always win.

While we were walking there were these two women that were horseback riding and trying to get their horses across this bridge. Josh says that horses are pretty hard to break and it's not easy to get them to cross bridges, water, or anything like that. Eventually they got them across the bridge and I was thinking, "I really want a horse!" So, this has been on my mind since forever, but I really want one now. If it weren't against city code, I would totally put a horse in my backyard and he'll be my new way of transportation. Forget fighting over oil. We decided that as soon as we get married, get our house, and get settled in, we are going to get two horses. One with pink shoes.

Okay, so I have had this laptop since last May and it has been working well. When I ordered it, Josh told me, "No, you don't need more than a year warranty, if something doesn't go wrong the first year, it won't later either." Well, all of a sudden at the beginning of May, my hard drive started acting up. My computer wouldn't load, programs began to disappear, and it would always freeze. We called Dell and they sent us a "new" hard drive. I was so excited to get the hard drive in the mail. I don't think Dell could have found a bigger sticker with bolder print that said REFURBISHED. Seriously. My computer worked for 3 days and it started doing the same thing! Now, we called Dell today and they said, "We can't help you, your warranty is up." HELLO, I ordered the "new" hard drive while I was under warranty, so this is all your fault, don't you understand? Maybe we will try again tomorrow because I am not going to spend $150 on a new drive that they should have supplied me with in the beginning. Whatever. It doesn't make any sense at all. Now I am sitting here typing this blog with a jacked up computer that keeps freezing. Good thing it auto saves this because you wouldn't be hearing from me today if not.

I really admire people that can endure long distance relationships. There really is something about being able to remain faithful and patient while waiting for your other half to return. Being apart really is hard and not everyone can do it. Some people simply say they can't trust their mate, they can't be patient, whatever. This is why I say patience and faithfulness are admirable features. What is really beautiful to me is when both halves are patient and faithful. Distance and absence are two hard obstacles to overcome, but is well worth it in the end. These people are wise enough to see that. Keep on keeping on, girl.

Oh my goodness, one last thing. So far, 3 out of 7 of the class's grades I took this Spring have been turned in and I have 2 A's and 1 B. My goal was to get straight A's. Especially when one professor told our class that he simply does not hand out A's in his class. How ridiculous is that?! Well, he was my first B. Jerk. He better hope I get another B so that I can project this potential low GPA on someone other than him.

Random fact: Coca-Cola would be green if coloring weren't added to it.

Posted byAshley C. at 7:50 PM 2 Love Notes  

My Very First Time . . .

So, I have finally decided to try out this blog thing. Don't know why. I guess it's just another constructive hobby to add; and I guess a way for me to organize my thoughts. Since my mind travels a million miles an hour, this will be a fun way for me to actually sit and think about them! I guess another reason for me to start this whole blogging thing is because I am pretty much convinced my life is boring. This will help me look back and see what I have done, said, thought, and felt . . . make myself feel a little better, I suppose.

My goal is to blog every day . . . that's until summer has ended and classes begin. But until then, you will be reading a lot about me. The tricky part of this is finding something to write about.

Today is Sunday, so of course I went to church. I don't know . . . lately I have really felt so distant from God and haven't seen an inch of progress in my relationship with Him. I constantly tell myself, "I'm going to read more, listen to more Christian music, think more positively about the negative, blah blah blah." But, today something hit me. I have been trying all of this on my own. I have not brought my concern to the feet of God. I have not been praying. Come on, Ashley. How could I have thought that reading my Bible more and listening to more Christian music would help me grow as a believer? I was leaving the most important thing out. Prayer. I was putting this into a different perspective for myself. It's like trying to be somebody else when only watching them from a distance. You don't talk to them, so you don't even know them on a personal level. It's the same thing. I have been wanting to be like Christ, but haven't stepped in and tried to get to know Him more . . . only watching from a distance. So naive. So, I think I have gotten my mind around this. Well, for now at least.

After church, me and Josh grabbed McDonalds went to the pier and did a small devotional there. We read about praying for and seeking God's will. This was pretty cool because it played into what I have been struggling with lately. It was pretty fun, besides the fact that it was pretty cold and windy. Maybe this could be our new Sunday tradition. I love traditions. They are just something to look forward to, remember, and share with your kids. There's something warm about having certain traditions. Nothing beats Sunday afternoons, relaxing with your other half, and spending time in His Word together.

We decided to go see the movie Fighting today. That was such a fun movie! Maybe I should start getting into that. Yeah, right. I really don't know how people can do that. It's really scary and I couldn't imagine physically hurting someone else because of this fake built up hatred. Scary thought. It seems a little animalistic haha!

Each day is promised to be new. Maybe tomorrow will help me to renew my ways of thinking.

Posted byAshley C. at 4:56 PM Post a comment (1) Love Notes