Scary thoughts to entertain
Friday, June 18, 2010
Lately, it's seeming as though death has been all around me. Well, I shouldn't say all around, but death has been "the trend", maybe I should say that instead. I've shared this with you all before, about my struggle with thoughts of death, or losing Josh somehow. It's something that I even struggle with talking about because I get pretty emotional, however I know that it is part of life, it happens, and it is something that needs to be confronted and dealt with. I literally cannot think of anything worse than having to live even a day knowing that I will not be seeing Josh again (well, at least in this lifetime, anyway); the weird thing about it though is that even though it is something that I struggle with sooo much, it's not big enough (nor could it ever be) for me to say I hope I'm the first to go, not Josh because I would never want him to have to deal with my biggest fear, but on his end; get what I'm saying? Josh and I always say that we will never have to live without each other because Jesus will come before then; although this thought is so comforting and eases pain of the bad thoughts, I know that it's not entirely healthy. I pray that Jesus comes back during my lifetime; I pray that I will witness His return, but that may not be the case. I know that I need to have a strong enough relationship with my Lord in order to help me endure through the times that I just may have to face. I need to find rest in knowing that no matter what circumstance in placed in front of me, that my God will carry me through.
The thought of death is a scary, scary thing to entertain, but there is something that needs to be recognized: God is the creator, our reason for living. I love Josh with all of my heart . . . every single ounce of it; that's a bad thing. God needs to have more than that and I cannot say that He does. I need to teach myself that God is my reason for living, not Josh. God is the reason that I am here, not Josh. Life is amazing, perfect, and I couldn't ask for more as long as Josh is in it, and I need to get my priorities in order. Plus, the more I am loving God, the more He will teach me to love Josh; they go hand-in-hand! Cool, huh? :-] The hard part is shifting my attention, care, love, and time from earthly matter to Someone that really matters in the end. :-]
On another note, I noticed that I have a new follower! Welcome, Amanda! I hope that you enjoy reading my random thoughts. :-] Oh, and my photography blog officially up and running, you all need to go check it out and leave me some feedback! :-]
Posted byAshley C. at 1:03 PM
