Today's Coffee
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
There's something I find very soothing, something very heart-lightening about car rides with Josh. It seems that lately we've been using a lot of gas.
When we want to vent our feelings to each other, car ride. When we are hyper beyond anyone else's comprehension, car ride. When we are bored, car ride. When we need to pour out our hearts to each other, car ride. When anger or tears are ready to leak, car ride. Long ride, short ride, it doesn't matter to me. It's the only time that it's just us. We can talk about whatever we want, sing however loud we want (to whatever song we want), laugh however loud we want, and sometimes yell however loud we want. I really appreciate that time more than any other time. There's just something that I find so comforting about being in the car with him.
If you've been following me, you know that I've been talking about my dad a little bit lately. It's a really long story, but recently he told me that I only contact him when I want something. I really couldn't grasp this because I have never asked him for a single thing. He's never given me a single thing. He went on to tell me that I don't have an idea what's going on in his life (and makes a list of things that aren't going right) and then tells me it's not my business. He seems to only care about his wife and the kids (2/5) that live with him. The issues that he has to deal with. It's been so easy for him to just ignore me because I'm not one of the things he has to deal with. In short, I told him that there's more to life than what exists between his four walls and I no longer want to be a part of it. I had this conversation with him while I was at work, the whole time, able to hold my composure. After work, I asked Josh if we could go for a ride. That's when it hit me. It hurts. I have tried to harden my heart from my dad and keep my distance as much as possible to prevent myself from being hurt. I should be a professional at this by now. I'm too weak to do that. I forgive and forget too easily. I have to remind myself that he won't change. He told me that he isn't going to fly here for my graduation anymore. Whatever. His loss. I've had my mind set on walking myself down the aisle when I get married since I was, like, 5. Not what the average girl dreams of.
Yesterday was so beautiful! I had work, took a nap, then spent 3 hours on my back porch with my nose stuck in my book. I finally finished Twilight and have started New Moon. I won't talk about how mad I am because I don't want to ruin the book for anyone. I am going to endure this book and go on a hunt for Eclipse. One thing is for sure. I'm addicted. I am a Twilight-aholic.
As you know, I have started my medication. I love this stuff! It has been working well. So far, no gold on my face . . . only face, no ugly red spots! This only downside to it is that the topical gel that I have been using burns the heck out of my face! I feel like I have a bad sunburn. That must means that it's working, right? It's a 3-month medication, but something tells me that I won't have to use it for that long. At least, I hope not.
I need to make more time to blog. Whoever invented "blogging" is probably more important than Edison.
Posted byAshley C. at 3:23 AM
That must have been such a hard conversation to have with your father. I cant even imagine. thats insane. WOW really I'm behind you 100% Walking yourself down the isle... LET ME DO IT no im kidding. Your wedding will be more beautiful if you do that in the sense that it didnt take his help in your life to get to where you are. Thats really nice how you guys can just get in the car and be just you guys*** Thats really cute and also money consuming lol. But thats what me and jason did until we got our own place*** random*** I love reading your blogs lol I cant wait until you graduate. I know you worked hard enough*** And thats crazy that you love twilight. thats insane hahha. weird lol***