It Was Never Between Me and Them Anyway
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
I never really intended on this happening. Honestly. I don't have a reason to run, hide, or push it away, but He just has a way of pulling you into Him.
I was getting ready for work this morning, and after the complete absence of Christian music in my life for a long while now, I decided that was exactly what I needed. I didn't realize how different it makes me feel. It really helps me to focus and think about things in a godly way. When I got to work, I was talking with another woman that is a huge blessing in my life. She and I tend to share a lot of the same feelings, good and bad, about a lot of things. She printed some scripture out for me and asked me to read them because they were helpful to her. When I started reading them, my eyes began to tear up and I began to feel so convicted. I know that it's been a while since I've read my Bible, let alone pray. That would definitely explain why I've felt so rotten, used, and down. Just reading those scriptures and listening to those songs brought me back to the beginning of my journey with God. Something so fresh and new and nothing could get in the way.
I was looking through some blogs today and come across a lot of them written by godly women. Women who know the simple things in life and take advantage of them. Women who go to God for the tiniest things and don't forget Him for the biggest. Women who use God's blessings to enrich their lives and those surrounding them. I want to be like them. I want to start and end my day in God's Word and live by it daily. I want to be able to spot out what God is saying to me and actually listen to Him. I want to love the people I encounter the way I would love my closest friends. I want to find peace in living for Him. I want to love the simple things in life. I truly want to be satisfied with who I am, yet aim to be more Christ-like.
I have side-tracked way too far for far too long. I want to come back to God with the fresh love and excitement I once had.
When I look back and think about why I have become what I am now . . . a woman that has pushed God away because a lack of time for Him. Why? How weak of me? I know that one reason for this is because I am only looking to satisfy myself with all of my time. I try to please others and not think about God's way. I think too much about that others think about me. Every detail of what I am now was because I had other people at a higher priority. I need to remember that this was never between me and them anyway, only me and God.
I hate making these declarations time and time and time again, but I really am making this one for the last time. I cannot do this on my own, I can only live for Him through His Spirit. I am going to continually pray for His strength, love, and forgiveness. I need Him in my life, no doubt about it. I want to live for the One and gave me life, forgave me, and will live inside me for all eternity.
I really don't even feel like there is enough room here to talk about how I feel right now. I feel so overcome with conviction, happiness, and intimidation. I need to gather these feelings and return them as praise to God for calling me back to Him.
. . . from this point on . . .
Posted byAshley C. at 4:03 PM
