You Are My Best Friend, Too
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Oh man, I feel so guilty for not blogging in what, 6 days, was it? I have so much to blog about, but I don't want to intimidate you to the point that you quit reading and I typed for no reason.
There is one thing that I was talking to a friend about that I have been dying to blog about. Co-ed friendships while in a serious relationship.
So, our conversation started because this person was telling me that their best friend, who is a girl, just moved back from Texas. He has a girlfriend, so I asked him if his girlfriend was at all uneased about him hanging out with another girl. He said that as soon as the two get a chance to meet, he was sure that they would both feel a little better about each other. He went on to tell me that he and his best friend have known each other since he was 4. He's only known his girlfriend for about a year.
I made the comment, "I couldn't see Josh having a girl best friend or another girl calling Josh her best friend. He's all mine!" He replied by saying that there seemed to be some jealousy. This was pretty much what sparked the conversation. I made it clear that there was no jealousy at all. Josh has never put me in a situation that has ever caused me to be jealous over someone else.
I just couldn't fathom the idea of Josh making me share the title "best friend" with another girl that doesn't share the intimacy that Josh and I do. Josh and I talk about everything, share every idea, every feeling, and every moment with each other. In my opinion, when you are in a serious relationship, I feel that it is inappropriate to call someone else of the opposite sex your "best friend." The title entails that they are literally your best friend; no one else can compare to the friend that they are, no other person can fulfill the same kind of happiness that you experience when you are with this person. You share your deepest thoughts, emotions, and feelings with your best friend. When you turn to another person of the opposite sex and do the same thing, I just feel that that shows that you aren't fully and completely satisfied with your mate's companionship.
I might be going out on a limb here, but this is where emotional sanctifcation comes in. As I've stated in a previous blog, I shared large portions of my heart with other guys and I can say that is probably one of the biggest mistakes I've made. There are a lot of things in life that aren't renewable. That is definitely one of them.
The act of marriage, one of God's most precious gifts to man, is so unique because the two individuals become one. Everything each other has experienced, done, and shared is now the other half's, too. When you become married, you are giving the other person something that no one else has. You are giving that person something so very complex, yet so simple. When you share personal thoughts or moments with someone of the opposite sex, outside of marriage, you are slowly taking away from your future husband or wife's portion. If you do not guard your heart or your thoughts, what else is your spouse going to have that someone else doesn't?
This might sound like I have strayed pretty far from my whole "best friend" interpretation, but it really does have a lot to do with each other. Think about someone of the opposite sex where you have claimed them to be your best friend. Now, what made them your best friend? I can bet that it was because you shared everything: thoughts, experiences, important moments, etc. Now, think about the relationship you would expect of you and your future spouse. You would expect to share the same things that you shared with your "best friend!" I am not saying that it is wrong to have a best friend. I am not saying that at all. I am just saying that when you are going through friendships, I find that it is very important to keep your heart guarded because your spouse (and future marriage) is depending on you.
After you are married, if it hasn't been placed already, a line needs to be drawn so that the two people are able to still have friends, which is completely logical. We all need friends! In fact, I truly feel that a marriage will suffer if both people don't have other friends. But, a huge sacrifice that needs to be made is the recognition that guarded hearts are very necessary.
I know that me and Josh aren't married, but we have been praying strongly for God's will in our life and everything is seemingly working in our favor. We cannot say that "this is God's hand," but we can keep praying that God will reveal His plan in our life. I suppose that if you want to be very literal, me and Josh are taking the risk of sharing so many intimate moments.
I hope that this has made sense. Just some of my own opinions!
But, if you aren't a believer of marriage, I don't know what to tell you . . .
Posted byAshley C. at 5:25 PM
Labels: friends, love, marriage
That is beautifully said*** I agree with all of that. I believe it. I think that when you are not married its not the best to cll someone their best friend other then you because it makes that person almost feel like they are on a blank mission. I can see how someone would kind of think that someone else is their bestfriend since forever but they need to give that person another title if they are indeed that close and it should be like a friend of the families maybe*** When you married GUARDING YOUR HEART is perfectly said by you. It has to be because only one person after family is supposed to have it*** I love it and im glad Jason doesnt have any girl friends hahah NONE*** WOOHOO