Officially the last draw
Thursday, March 11, 2010
My dad and I have never been close. We have never had one of those special father-daughter relationships. Lately, it seems like people have been asking about how me and my dad are doing or if we have talked. Maybe I just feel like people have been asking because I don't feel like doing any talking about it . . . or perhaps any explaining. Oddly, at the same time, I have become frustrated by holding all of my feelings in. I'm tired of "hiding" what I really feel and not be able to describe it.
So, how are me and my dad? Not good, and we never have been. He has never done anything to show that he is my dad. He has never called me on any special occasions, holidays, birthdays, etc. He has never mailed me a birthday card, holiday card, or any other sentiment. He doesn't call me and when I finally give in and call him, he has this imaginary wall up and confronts me for not calling him. The audacity! After I graduated, I sent him an announcement (after he skillfully backed out of coming) along with a picture and to this day, 3 months later, I have still not gotten a simple, "Congratulations, Ash!" That was officially the last draw for me. But, like my mom says, after 22 years, I should have learned to expect nothing from him. I think that I've finally let my mom's advice sink in. A couple weeks ago, I lost all of my phone numbers on my BlackBerry . . . including dad's. I think that is kind of a blessing in disguise. I am not able to contact him even if I wanted. Now, I have a legitimate reason for not calling him and he does not.
Now that I am getting older and more independent, I have begun to show less interest in the relationship that could have been. He has not been there for me for 22 years and he still couldn't care less about it. Maybe it's my turn to act careless. I am done calling him and chasing after something that will never be. I am convinced that this is his loss, not mine. Whew. Now I feel better that that's off of my chest. :-]
Posted byAshley C. at 5:25 PM
