As Easy and Painless as Climbing a Mountain . . .
Friday, May 22, 2009
In 1988, I was born in Hawai'i to a young, faithful mother and a young Military father that had better things to do than stay home with his wife and daughter.
I was three years old when mom and dad both decided that they'd had enough of each other and chose to go their own separate ways. Me and my new baby sister stayed with mom and we moved to Michigan. So did dad. Good thing we were too young to know what was going on.
I was four years old when dad began to think that he can pop in and out of me and my sister's lives with no regard. We loved our mom and dad no matter how much they hated each other. Mom had no choice but to spend that Christmas alone, without us because dad had his own tricks up his sleeves.
I was five years old when mom took us and moved to Illinois to start a fresh, new life without dad in the way. Mom worked and went to school full-time in order to support her two babies. She met a new guy and he was able to be the man that her ex-husband was not.
I was seven years old when mom moved us back to Michigan in order to help take care of her dying grandma. I got to visit dad every other weekend. Some times he wouldn't even show up. I made a lot of friends and got attached to our new life. We moved back to Illinois by the end of the school year.
I was ten years old when mom decided to marry the man from five years ago. Of course I hated the guy. He loved my sister more and he was there for her when my dad wasn't there for me. I refused to call him dad. He stole my mom and my sister, the only two people that I loved.
I was thirteen years old when I met a guy and thought he was "the one." How naive. Girls at this age aren't supposed to be attracted to the opposite sex. They are supposed to be playing with Barbies and riding their bikes. I gave a piece of my heart to a boy that disrespected me, played mind games, and didn't love me for me. Mom didn't approve of this relationship and warned me, but I knew better.
We broke up a year later. Pieces of my heart missing and never able to get back.
I was fifteen when I began talking to a football and baseball player. I dropped all of my friends, ignored my mom's concern, and traded it all in for this guy that I just knew had to be "the one" this time. We not only "loved" each other, but we were best friends and nothing could get in the way of that. One Sunday, his mom asked us to go to church with her. Whatever would impress her, I was all for doing.
I was sixteen when I began attending a church every Sunday and accepted Christ into my heart on February 29, 2004. We were both baptized at our new home church on April 11, 2004. I was becoming more mature, not on my own, but through God. I turned my life around. I chose new friends, new music, and new thoughts. An all-around new way of living. Me and "the one" realized that we were only getting in each other's ways of improving our relationship with God. We argued a lot, caused each other to sin, and began to lose interest in what we had created.
We broke up a year later. Yet, another large piece of my heart given away. Just like that.
I was sixteen when, after constant prayer, my sister decided to make the same decision to follow Christ.
I was seventeen when I began talking to a friend that I found very peculiar. He was a man of God, respected his mother, and was the most chivalrous of all men I had ever known. Of all the times my dad neglected me, and pieces of my heart stolen by people I never really knew, I knew there was something different about this particular guy. He loved me for me and the same for myself. He taught me to believe in myself and trust others even when I never felt that I could. He showed me a whole new perspective and taught me to respect and love my family. He taught me that there was more to beauty than outward appearance. He allowed me pour out my heart and not pass a single judgement on me. He provided a comfort in my life that I have never known before him. He held my hands and prayed with me when he felt that it was needed . . . and even when it wasn't. This time, my whole heart was taken away.
I was eighteen when I moved away to school with two of my close friends and another girl that we picked out of a pile of prospective residents. All was great when we first moved in. We hung out all the time, laughed, had fun, and just enjoyed each other's company. After a few months of living with each other, things began to go rotten. We didn't get along. I felt left out of the things that those three would do. I can't completely blame this on them. Actually, I can take 90% of the blame because I wasn't a bigger person and tried to mend things, only make them worse. The whole time, the amazing man I met a year ago was still by my side, loving me and keeping me entertained even when I didn't think a guy could do a girl's job.
I was nineteen when I went with a group of seven other people on a four week missions trip to Indonesia. My relationship with God was sparked with freshness and my eyes were opened. I began to see that Americans aren't the only ones that reside on this planet. There are people that actually enjoy the simple things of life. People that are literally the most faithful and persevering individuals I have ever met. I shared stories, listened to others, and built a foundation for long-lasting friendships.
I am twenty one years old. I am attending a university and coming to the end of my schooling. I will walk out one semester early with two Bachelor's Degree: one in Psychology and the other in Sociology. I will also have a Mental Health Skills certificate. I am more mature than I ever thought I'd be. I am more independent than I ever thought possible. I am more secure, confident, and faithful than I can sometimes believe. I have grown to be the woman I am because of what has shaped and molded me. I do not have a single regret. In fact, I am more than grateful for what has happened in my past because I wouldn't be who I am now if it weren't for what has happened. I am still in love with the one that I met four years ago. We know that we will be getting married and we are just waiting for God to tell us that we are ready. Even though I can never get back those pieces of my heart that I gave away, I will love him with every single piece of what I have to offer. I know that friends are one of the biggest treasures God gives, so I need to value them, for every flaw they might have because this is what beautifies them. I have learned that in order to trust people, you can't keep yourself contained, you have to take risks. I have learned that people will go in and out of your life for reasons. I have come to realize that my relationship with God isn't perfect and never will be. I must keep on pursuing perfection until the day that He returns. I try to live my life the way that God has called me to. I will wait patiently for what God has in store and plan my life around that, not the other way around.
This is me. This is who I am. My journey has been as easy and as painless as climbing a mountain.
Posted byAshley C. at 12:31 PM
Labels: lesson learned, struggles
Ashley....wow! you have been through alot of things..I knew some but not all.
I am thankful too for the wonderful woman you are. I am so happy for you and Josh...he is a wonderful man and it is so touching to hear how he is there for you and how much he loves you.
It could have been easy to be bitter about your past, but you have embraced it and know that it has made you the person you are today.
I like how you wrote about the pieces of your heart given away...that is true and it is good for young woman to know that...I do beleive you love Josh with your whole heart though. :)
I do remember the old Ashley before you gave your life to Christ...He does amazing things in our life and I am so happy that you get to have such a better life because of your love for Christ.
I love you sweet dear and your brought a big smile to my face and a tear to my eye.
Brenda
This is beautiful*** I love hearing your life story literally*** I love how you put this together and the statements about your heart*** So sad and beautiful in the end***