Doin' it big!
Monday, January 31, 2011
I don't believe I ever mentioned that the hope I had last week for getting my photos back, yeah that it gone. Josh finally got his computer unlocked from LoJack and the first thing we see is a big ol' picture of a baby on his desktop. Oh, heck no! That is like worse than actually stealing the computer! Putting your own photo on someone else's computer is like a dog peeing on a tree! So, the first thing he checked was my computer>photos . . . nothing. Well, no, I'd be lying is I said nothing because there was a lot of nothings. The same woman standing in the same doorway using the same pose wearing a different outfit was a constant reminder that we didn't have that computer for several months. Then, we checked my computer>videos and again, lots of nothings. There was a 6 minute video of a woman recording herself in a van along with the driver, the no-seat back seat with like 3 kids and an older man along with 2 huge flatscreen TVs and laptops. The woman was going on and on about about they have two homes, and "doin' it big in 2010! Yeeeeaaahhhhh!!!!!!" She was so excited that she was going to be sleeping in her own bed that night and that she has no money at all but kept reminding the passengers that they were "doin' it big! Thank America for this one!" I was becoming more and more irritated watching her talk and seeing all of the cavities in the back of her mouth and smoke filling the screen from what I am going to guess was not from a legal substance.
By the end of the video, I wanted to yell at this woman for being so ignorant and umm . . . selfish? But, I have to admit that part of me wanted to say you know what, this is okay. She was obviously in need of things more than Josh and I were. If she found so much joy in being able to sleep in a bed that night, she was definitely not well-off. But then again . . . she was not eating stolen food or using stolen money (the necessities in life), she was using our stolen computer and had huge flat screen TVs in her home; she did not need those things! Ah, whatever. I guess it would awesome for us to see one of our computers again, but it stinks that we were able to see who actually used it. :/
Posted byAshley C. at 3:26 PM Post a comment (1) Love Notes
Best birthday thus far!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Happy almost-half-way-to-fiftieth-birthday to my Lover! I asked him where he wanted to eat for his birthday and he told me Portillo's. Not The Cheesecake Factory or a nice steak place but a fast food burger/hotdog place. When I told him no and to choose something nicer he told me, "I don't want to sit down and eat fancy; that's you." Well, I'm glad that he knows my style then! :) So, we went to Portillo's, got 2 slices of their chocolate cake with our order and I role-played that I made it. I know that those days of surprises are gone now . . . we are together too much for those things to play out (and living together will just make it even harder!). No birthday cake (or candles, of course). No birthday gift (he didn't want anything, okay?!). :( I hope he doesn't think that I've given up on romance and surprises. Baby, I promise that if you wanted the moon, I would bring you the moon. But you didn't ask.
After we got home from lunch, there was a message playing on the answering machine from the local police department saying something about laptop and recovered and burglary. Josh tells me, "Did you hear that? They found our laptops!" Yeah right, that was 6 months ago. Press replay so we can hear the whole message. And believe it or not, the man on the other end was saying that the laptop that was stolen in July has been recovered and they have it at the department. I called him back, left a message to call back. While waiting, we were debating about whose laptop we hope it is (mine, his, or my mom's) and whose laptop would be more important to have been recovered. He called within 5 minutes. While I had him on the phone, I asked him, Sir, we actually had three laptops stolen, could you tell me what color it is? "I have a blue Dell XPS." Babe! It's yours! They have your laptop! Josh is just yelling back, "Nuh uh! Don't lie!"
Within 15 minutes, the detective delivered the once nice, now beaten up, raggedy, scratched, holding onto life by a single strand computer back into its owner's hands. Fortunately, LoJack was activated, the computer was locked and Josh was on the phone with the company getting it unlocked. I'm still waiting to hear from Josh whether all of his files are safe and untouched. The one thing that I try to block from my mind is that all, and I do mean all of my photos were taken with my computer. BUT, all of those photos were also on his computer so hope remains! ;)
Posted byAshley C. at 6:13 PM 0 Love Notes
Labels: birthday, Josh, lesson learned
Mature Decisions
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
I just finished doing something very grown womanish. Something I should have done about 5 years ago. Yes, Josh and I just budgeted our money! We sat down, listed all of our bills (gym membership, credit cards, phone, Netflix subscription, etc.) along with our monthly income and our monthly savings deposit goal. We have plans to pay certain bills off along the way and that money (previously spent on a bill) will be directed to the next bill that needs most attention. I even have little virtual post-it notes on the desktop of my laptop with all of our bills and their due dates with astericks next to the ones that are "mine." This is going to be a constant reminder of where our attention needs to be. I feel really good about the this! You all probably know how spontaneous me and Josh's spending (and eating out, and random splurges!) are, so this is going to be huge!!
What caused us to do something so . . . mature? Well, we decided that it would be very silly to spend so much money on apartment rent while saving for a down payment on a home so we are just going to cram (and budget) our money as much as we can before the wedding and see what we have in our savings and hope that we have enough for a decent down payment on a starter home. :) All of a sudden, I'm that much more excited about getting married!
Today I also made another step into the "paraben, preservative, harsh chemical free world!" I want to share more on that so I will save for another post ASAP. ;)
Posted byAshley C. at 8:00 PM 0 Love Notes
Labels: finances, Josh, makeup, wedding
Shabby meets Cottage
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Forget the 15 bridal magazines that I've subscribed to; just give me some shabby chic meets cottage interior design magazines. I've been spending 4 of the last 7 days in Barnes and Noble and let me tell you, this place sucks you in like some kind of vortex. Even though I've got my nose in a series right now, I just have an impulse to buy more books. I don't like to borrow or rent books . . . there is something about the smell of a brand new book and to know it's only yours makes it that much better.
Anyway . . . where was I? Oh! Interior design magazines. Yes. I. Love. Them. I forewarned Josh in a nice way. I said, hey babe, when you're done playing your video game, can you come look at these magazines to see what I really like and what you're getting into? He never came. I took that as a sign of "Honey, I trust you." Score! :) I have finally nailed the look that I am going for. That shabby chic meets warm cottage. Think it can't happen? Oh, it can. Just you watch! ;) I even convinced him that as long as I can gather things from thrift stores, antique shops, and barn sales, he won't have to spend much money on "real" furniture. Again, he didn't respond so I took that as a big "Yes! You're too cool and I love that you save us money all the time!" *clears throat and bats eyelashes* ;)
I will have to post some photos of what I'm talking about another time!
Posted byAshley C. at 10:19 PM 0 Love Notes
2010 Christmas List
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
1: a great big house
2: lots of furniture for that great big house
3: a brand new car (bow on top, too, please)
... and last but not least ...
4: a cute little baby (yes, I said it!)
Okay, okay, maybe I'm being a little too hopeful, but he does love me, right? ;)
Posted byAshley C. at 3:12 PM Post a comment (1) Love Notes
Labels: Christmas, family, Josh
Andre's homegoing
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Yesterday, Josh's family lost an amazing, godly, gentle-spirited, young man. Andre was one of the most kind guys that I have ever met. Although I was not close to Andre, we were friends (would have been cousins, too!). I can recall some good memories that we've shared and it seems that many of the friends he had can do the same. I can promise that not a single person could ever say a bad thing about Andre and the life that he lived.
As I've mentioned before (like, a hundred two hundred times before!), I do not handle death well. It's one of those ginormous struggles of mine but also where I can find peace knowing that it is a strength that Josh has. I knew the day would come where I would have to hike up my britches and comfort Josh for a loss in his family and I was sooo scared about it. But, like always, Josh surprised me. The way he thinks of it is that Andre is in a much better place, without pain or sickness. Josh said that every single memory he has of Andre was a good one so that's where he finds his comfort. Me, on the other hand, thinks in an earthly manner; But, Thanksgiving is next week, his brother's (and best friend) birthday is next month just like Christmas. What is the church going to be like without his praise and worship? He never had the chance to share an intimate love with a spouse, he was so young. But here's the key: Andre does not care! He is worshipping face-to-face with his Creator! How amazing is that?! I think where I get caught up on my sad thoughts is for the individual; for the things that they've missed out on. But, Andre was here for God's purpose and it is clear that he served his purpose and then some! His time here on earth was temporary and he made the most of it. All of his family and friends will be reunited with him before Andre's day is over in Heaven.
Yesterday, I asked Josh to share with me one of his best memories with Andre and this is the story he told:
When they were younger, Micah (Josh's brother) and Josh were in boxing and Chuck (Andre's brother) and Andre always teased them that they didn't know how to fight and that they were better than them. Chuck dared Josh to punch him and Andre in the stomach the hardest that he could to see if it would hurt. Josh told them "no way," but in the end, Chuck was able to talk Josh into punching them under one condition: they had to take turns in the room so that the other wouldn't see how hard Josh could actually punch and cause the other to "wuss" out. First, it was Chuck's turn. WHAM! Chuck fell to the ground holding his stomach, grunting. Micah scraped Chuck off the floor and made him leave the room. Second, Micah brought Andre in the room and WHAM!. "That's all you got?" Andre said, standing confidently with a straight face. Josh said that when he punched Andre in the stomach, all he felt was his hard abs and it was no wonder Josh couldn't hurt Andre! Andre said, "Your fist hurt my skin, though. I know for sure I'll be sore tomorrow" and kept repeating himself. I'm going to go out on a limb that Andre would still like to tease Josh about how he punches like a sissy. ;)
Posted byAshley C. at 5:53 PM 0 Love Notes
Labels: family, Josh, memories
Our first year
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Josh and I began dating about a week before he left for his first year of college about 3.5 hours away. I was still at home finishing up my senior year of high school. Our love was sparkly and new . . . and we had no choice but to be sure that it was strong, too. He was attending school to major in computer science and still fulfill the duties he had since receiving his full-ride scholarship to play baseball. We knew that we wouldn't be seeing each other more than once every other month so we talked on the phone. A lot. When I got home from school, I waited by my phone until he got home from practice and we talked until the wee hours in the morning. And did it all over again the next day.
Until his dad stepped in.
What?! Only 1 hour a day? He has got to be crazy!! "I know babe, we'll just have to talk more online, I guess." Yeah, that kinda sucked. It was much more different than actually hearing his voice and being able to hear about his day, how practice went, what new schemes his evil roommates plotted that day. We thought of almost every idea in the books: chatting via webcams, leaving each other looong voicemails until it beeped (hoping that wouldn't reflect used minutes), text messages, surprise letters. He wouldn't let me drive to visit since I hadn't had much experience driving on the highway since the nightmare. But, along with his not-often-enough visits back home, I was able to visit twice that year with my soon-to-be roommates.
I suppose it was more than enough to get us through our first year apart. We spent every moment of every day that Summer and into our first year of school together. Being 3.5 hours away from home was all the more reason. But, that's another story for another day.
Posted byAshley C. at 5:07 PM Post a comment (1) Love Notes
I'm-always-right
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Revenge Being proved right is sweet.
A couple weeks ago, Josh's car caught on fire on his way home from work. It's a long story. BUT, he is okay and to fix his car, it only costed $8 (only under-hood damage). While he was fixing his car, he was driving mine. Since his commute is an hour and 15 minutes, I have been warning him that I either: 1) needed my tires realligned and changed; 2) needed air in my tires until he could reallign the tires. Well, I was talking to him on his way to work yesterday and he said, "Oh shoot, I think I have a flat." First thing that I thought was haha, told you so! Next thing he says is "Well, there goes your hub cap." Dang it! If he only had listened to me. :) He pulled over on the interstate to change the tire; no jack. So, he called his dad to see what he should do (get it towed by their family friend, call my insurance [he's not covered under mine]). He knew that if he had called my insurance, my 24 hour road-side assistance might be voided since a covered driver was not driving it. Fortunately, his dad was able to leave work and bring him a jack BUT my spare was flat (go figure). So, his dad let him borrow the vehicle, drop him back off at work, drop my tire off for service, come pick me up (and a jack!), go pick the tire up, drive back out to my vehicle, change my tire, and I just followed him home.
Needless to say, both cars now have new tires and have been realligned. :) Oh, and this isn't the first time he's had to pay for his stubborn "I'm-always-right" attitude.
Posted byAshley C. at 10:31 AM 0 Love Notes
Labels: Josh, lesson learned
Stop looking.
Friday, September 24, 2010
My and my Lover's conversation last night went a little like this:
And the conversation above is just another example of why I am marrying this guy.
Thank you, Father.
Posted byAshley C. at 9:39 AM 0 Love Notes
Labels: God, Josh, photography
e-session plan
Thursday, September 16, 2010
So, now that we've been engaged for almost 3 weeks (so weird!), we have finally made plans for our engagement photos. My cousin, Ray will be doing them for us at Navy Pier next weekend; I am so excited! I am still trying to figure out what to wear . . . I think I want to do a dress and heels for some and then a more casual outfit for the others. I just want Josh and me to look purrrty! ;-] We don't have any pictures of us that are frame-worthy, so this is going to be fun! I'm wondering how this will go with a photog shooting a photog; I'm afraid I might be too "try this," "don't do that," "shoot at this range," blah blah blah. It's kind of just how I am haha!
But then again, I don't know how I'll be able to take pictures without my engagement ring, a locked jaw, and a "crook" in my neck. I'm just pretty broken down right now . . . hopefully all of those problem will be fixed by the end of this weekend!
Posted byAshley C. at 9:01 AM 0 Love Notes
Labels: Josh, photography
500+ memories
Saturday, September 11, 2010
I just finished going through all of my photos on Facebook and right clicking them and 'save as' onto my computer. They have to be restored since *sniff sniff* all of my other photos were stolen; but we won't talk about that because I've learned to just let it go and move on. BUT, as I was going through 500+ photos, I felt like I was going through this emotional rollercoaster ride. Here are some things I learned and felt:
1) I looked so much better last Summer when I weighed 129.
2) Some time soon, I need to get back to Indonesia and rescue my heart.
3) I need to go back to Naples, FL and rescue the other piece of my heart.
4) Josh's muscles are/were enough to make me melt.
5) On that topic, I've got one very handsome fiance.
6) Josh and I have changed so much (looks wise).
7) We were not very active this Summer.
8) I cannot and will not look the way I do now on our wedding day.
9) Me and my Lover have been lots of places together.
10) I've been to 3 weddings in such a short time-period.
11) My nephew is pretty much a grown man now. Nooo!
12) While writing this list, I am thinking about how much I want to give my fiance a kiss and eat ice cream . . .
Posted byAshley C. at 3:17 PM 0 Love Notes
Labels: Andrew, Josh, love, random, vacation
It's all coming together
Thursday, September 2, 2010
A couple weeks ago, a friend of mine posted something on her Facebook that she was leaving her position at the high school and was eagerly looking for someone to replace (to refer to the principal) her because she wants to be a stay-at-home mommy. So, I asked her about the position, applied, and waited. Well, yesterday I got a call from the vice-principal asking if I was still interested in coming in for interview. The catch: I've known him since 7th grade! He was my gym teacher 7-8th grade and my dean 9-12th grade; so, he knows me pretty well. :-] Oh and *fogging nails, wiping them on my shirt* he said I was one of his favorite students. Hopefully this means something for me! haha I will be going in for my interview on Tuesday. Oh, I forgot to mention the best part: I will be able to keep the job I have now, too! BUT, as I've learned before, I will not be counting my eggs before they hatch. I will just be praying that God opens and shuts doors as He sees deemed . . . just as He's done before. I like it that way. ;-]
Also, I was thinking . . . If I get this job, I will have teacher's hours, which means no August 13th wedding. Not to mention, Josh's sister and dad both work for/in schools and for the construction business, August is the most difficult with turning projects over. What were we thinking for this to work out? We want to be able to take 2 weeks off of work to get married, go on our honeymoon, and settle into our new place of residence, so August just will not work out with ours or our family's work schedules. SO, this means that it is highly possible for us to have a July wedding! That means sooner! :-] I briefly mentioned all of this to Josh over the phone while he was on his way home from work, so he probably didn't really soak in all that I was saying so we'll definitely have to sit down together with our families and figure out what works best for all of our schedules. He reminded me to be open-minded for dates but I WILL NOT have a wedding later than August. I just won't. He needs to be my husband sooner than later. Plus, I can't take time off work, the vice told me so. ;-] It's either July or December and he must be crazy if he thinks I want to wait until December 2011!
Watching this whole thing come together (our engagement and possible job placement) is just a small reminder that God has us exactly where He wants us and nothing is more comfortable than that. ;-]
Posted byAshley C. at 6:02 PM Post a comment (1) Love Notes
Labels: engagement, Josh, work
The ring!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Posted byAshley C. at 8:30 PM 0 Love Notes
Labels: engagement, Josh, love
We're engaged!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Finally! You know what I'm talking about! I no longer have to wish and hope and dream about the proposal. ;-] I am officially soon-to-be Mrs. Joshua Staples!!!! Woot woot!!!! If my computer weren't charging, I would still be running around the house screaming and dancing . . . and posing with my new ring in the mirror! ;-]
Yesterday, Josh and I spent the entire afternoon hanging out at Navy Pier. The weather was perfect; the breeze was perfect; the Summery, warm, comfortable feeling of the day couldn't have been better. We walked around Navy Pier and decided to take a seat on one of the benches. I kicked my legs over his, he layed his arm across my shoulders and we just hung out and flirted. Not just any kind of flirting; the kind of flirting where I have to ask myself, Have we really been dating for 5 years? the kind of flirting that stirs butterflies in my stomach. I was cuddled in his arms and simply enjoying the moment for what it was. After we both could no longer fight our hunger feeling, we agreed to grab dinner at Harry Caray's. While eating dinner, I told him, You know that day that I've been wanting all Summer? The day where we just hang out, walk hand-in-hand with our ice cream cones, enjoying each other's company? This is that day. This day is so perfect it seems unreal. He just smiled. Shortly after, I told him, Babe, I just want you to know that I don't even need a ring. As long as I can have your last name, I am perfectly okay with that. He just laughed and said "Yeah right!"
After dinner, we rode the ferris wheel and then were determined to find a bench amongst the tons and tons of people standing around waiting for a bench to clear to watch the fireworks. We found the perfect bench and were sure that there wasn't a better seat at Navy Pier. After the fireworks were over, I stood up and was ready to go since he had work the next morning and we had a long ride home, but Josh asked, "What time is it?" 9:12, I said. "Sit back down, we still have some time to hang out." So, we decided just to hang around and enjoy the perfect, warm breeze and that special moment that is so difficult to duplicate. He had his arm around my shoulders and I kicked my feet up on the bench, leaned my back into his side, rested my head on his chest and nestled in closely to him.
Why don't you just propose to me already? Hey, wouldn't it be so cool if when you . . . And I was cut off by Josh placing this beautiful diamond ring in front of me. I quickly gasped for a breath, turned around and looked at Josh, who was already on his knee. Babe, are you serious?
"Ashley Leilani-Nicole Couch, I love you sooo much. Will you marry me?" And the only word that could come out of my mouth was Yes. I grabbed him in the tightest hug and just started crying. Crying because I couldn't have imagined a more perfect moment, on a more perfect day, with the most perfect guy I have ever met. I couldn't believe that the moment I had been waiting for for so long had finally just happened. The ring that he placed on my finger was THE perfect ring.
I just kept hugging him, looking at him, and kissing him . . . and repeated about 30 times haha! He said, "If I would have known I was going to get this many kisses, I would have asked sooner!" So we just sat around, talked about what each other was feeling, assuring him that the ring was absolutely perfect, and promising that I didn't know he had a jewelry box in his side pocket. Any of you that know me know that I ask Josh every day When are we getting engaged? Is the day any closer? Are we going to be engaged by ______? Have you even purchased the ring yet? What does my ring look like? You already know the day you're going to ask me? I am just the biggest eager beaver when it comes to wanting to be his fiance. So for me to tell him, Why don't you just propose to me already? was just another comment/question that the day couldn't end without. But, I did not expect him to take me literally! :-]
I still cannot believe that he is my fiance! It really hasn't hit me, I don't think. I can't believe that within the next year we will be shopping for wedding bands, looking for a place to live, joining our bank accounts (YES! I mean . . . ), looking for wedding attire, looking at furniture and appliances . . . taking steps to sharing the same last name . . . eeeek, it sounds amazing!!!!!
And for those of you that are curious, the ring is a 1.5 carat solitaire. ;-] Yipeeee!!!! Homie did good!!!
Posted byAshley C. at 7:53 PM 2 Love Notes
Labels: engagement, Josh, love, summer
Vacation, Weight, and Photos
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Me and my Lover are back from our short vacation. We were gone for 4 days, but it went by way too fast. I can't wait until I am able to spend time with him like we did in Tennessee! We had an awesome time reconnecting with each other. He has been working 14-16 hour days and when he gets off, he's too tired to hang out; since the school they are working on needs to be turned over by Monday, he will have a lot more time to hang out . . . which is bittersweet because he will probably be laid off for a while. I mean, the money is sweet, but his body is exhausted and honestly, there is no money good enough for making him feel the way he has. He deserves a good couple of weeks to relax. :-]
Me on the other hand? Well, I have had way too much time to relax. I've been gaining weight, becoming lazy, and eating everything in sight haha. Fortunately, on Monday I am starting the 'Biggest Loser' program at my work and on top of that . . . I will be doing Weight Watchers. Again. I know, I know. You are probably thinking "Again?" But really, I have never weighed this much and have never felt this gross. I need to lose this weight some way or another and it won't be happening with me laying around and eating fast food. We will see how this goes. :-]
On another note, I just got my new laptop this week! It has been a relief since I've been doing several sessions and have not been able to edit any of the photos. So, I plan on editing the first session by this weekend and start chipping away at the other two before my next 3 sessions this month. Eek! :-] But, I just purchased a Zenfolio account, so as soon as I have these photos edited, my clients will be able to go online, view, and purchase whichever they like. I'm really excited about it! So, as I've said before, if you know anyone interested in finding (or trying out) a new photographer, shoot them my way!
Maybe next time you hear from me, you will have a few photos to taste from my first session!
Posted byAshley C. at 8:18 AM 0 Love Notes
Labels: Busy, Josh, photography, vacation
Road Trip!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Our 5th anniversary is this Friday and he gave me two options: 1) fly to Orlando or Naples, FL for 4 nights or 2) take a road trip to any place I want. What did I choose? ROAD TRIP! We've been to Florida before. I love Florida, but I wanted something a little more relaxing. I feel like with so much going on around us, it's more like us just hanging out and that ends up resulting in us just "being there" with each other. With it being a milestone for us, him working so much and us not doing a single thing this Summer exciting, I wanted something more us. :-] So, I told him that I wanted to go visit the Smokies and he was so up for the idea! The only catch was that he took off work Thursday-Sunday (which in itself was a huge deal), so that means that I had to somehow get off work Thursday, too (thank you sooo much, Krissy!). So, we made some reservations, paid for our rental and we're leaving tomorrow morning! I cannot wait! :-] I love, love, love, love Tennessee!!! I just might not come back! I'm so glad that I have my camera because I'm going to take a gazillion photos of everything. :-D And ony our list of things to do: ziplining, horseback riding, and hiking! I will share lots of photos with you when we get back!
Posted byAshley C. at 2:24 PM Post a comment (1) Love Notes
Labels: Josh, summer, vacation
Here I come
Thursday, August 5, 2010
I've noticed things about my blog. Not really good things, but not bad things either. This area is supposed to be a reflection of my life: my feelings, things going on, my faith, struggles, etc. It hasn't been. I've made a habit of blabbering on about what's going on day-to-day, but not what's going on inside. As far as I know, I don't have any new readers, but if I did, they probably wouldn't know the real Ashley. They wouldn't know my deep struggles, the things that keep me awake at night, the things that I can't "shake off." Matter of fact, you probably don't either. I haven't been sharing the real me. I wouldn't necessarily say that I am being fake, because I have been sharing real things with you all, but I haven't been sharing the important things. I think that it because once I write them, they are absolutely true and not just a figment of my imagination or something that I am currently working on but instead a real life problem.
My number one struggle right now is my faith. I am a firm believer in Christ and I would not doubt for a minute that I am truly saved. I believe in my heart that God raised his Son from the grave and I confess with my mouth that Jesus is Lord . . . that's all it takes to be saved. I think that I have taken advantage of the comfortable life of a Christian and have not been living my faith out loud or making sacrifices that I know would make my God proud to call His own. I have not read my Bible in more than 6 months and have not prayed a real prayer in longer than that. I've been such a negative person with a very pessimistic outlook on life and me and I am so sure that me and Josh's relationship is the number one reflection of how my relationship with God (and myself) is at any given moment. God is love. God teaches love. Without God, you cannot truly love. I have noticed how my lack of love with God has had an influence with everyone around me, including myself. I have been in the crabbiest, most unpleasant mood that I cannot change no matter what I try. I have tried filling this void with things that are "scientifically" supposed to work like tanning, shopping, sleeping, etc. But to be honest, nothing can fill the void of the absence of God in one's life. What do I think I'm doing? I tend to think Ah, I'm not that far from God. I can get back to Him if/when I want to. But, that's Satan's lies. He wants me to think I am in good standing with God. He wants me to think that things aren't "that bad." What he doesn't want is for me to grow in my relationship with God. Everything that I'm feeling is what he's feeling because he knows that he's doing a darn good job at it. He's kept his lies up long enough and kept me from my God long enough and I feel like it's time to bring this to an end.
I often think about His Word as a love letter to me. He wrote that love letter for me to read and be inspired, praise Him, turn to Him, love Him. That letter has been sitting there, on my nightstand, for months and months, left unopened. If Josh were to write me a letter, you better believe that I would tear that thing open, full of eagerness to hear what he wants to tell me; hear how much he loves me; hear about our plans for the future. I would never let a letter from Josh sit that for months and months on end. How could I? How could I think that what Josh has to say is more important than what my Creator has to say?
I need to find true love and happiness and I know that I have been looking in the wrong spot . . . but I see something right there, poking around the corner, waiting for me to go pick it up. Here I come.
Posted byAshley C. at 9:00 AM Post a comment (1) Love Notes
Labels: God, Josh, love, struggles
choo choo twains and sunny days
Monday, August 2, 2010
I don't really get to see my handsome nephew anymore since he and his mommy moved out of our home; so, when I do get to see him, you better believe all of my attention and energy are focused on him. Since, mommy was working this weekend, we had the honor to watch (and spoil) him. I don't know if I've mentioned before, but this little bugger is obsessed with "choo choo twains." So, me, my mom, and step-dad took him on the train to Chicago and headed to Navy Pier. And as if the hour train ride wasn't enough, when we got to Navy Pier, the first thing he spotted was the Thomas the Train ride. He rode that. 3 times.
I don't know how we managed to do it, but we got him on the ferris wheel . . . he loved it, but would not let us let go of him to sit him next to us. I don't blame him; that ferris wheel feels like it's miles high. So, in my opinion, he was actually pretty brave. :-] I got lots of pictures, but since the loss, I can't load them on here. :-[
Yesterday, we took him to the county fair. He saw and got to pet the pigs, goats, and horses (cows. haha, still working on that!). A couple months ago, he went to another fair and played that game where you throw the balls into the small jars and can win a goldfish; he won a goldfish and surprisingly, it is still alive. When you ask him where you got the fish, he says "That's my fish. Throw balls!" Well, of course, they had a couple of those booths set up and he insisted on playing that game. Needless to say, after $10, we didn't go home with a fish this time. While at the fair, he rode the carousel and a car-ish carousel (4 times!). He probably would have ridden the twain ride a bajillion times if I didn't convince him it was broken (thank goodness his balloon popped and grabbed his attention when it came riding passed us!). Since we spent so much time dilly-dallying around, we missed the demo derby show. He would have really enjoyed that, but maybe next year. ;-] The sun probably wore him out anyway after sitting in it for 2 straight days.
And I thought I'd give you an update: the insurance said we should have the itemized list and a check in the mail by early this week! Yay! Oh, and Josh said that we are separating the money that we get back from each of our stolen items because he "needs it for something." Hmm . . .? It's most likely not what I think it is, but it's fun to entertain the thought. ;-] This means that I'll have a new laptop hopefully by next week! Then, back to rebuilding my photo albums since they were all stolen. ;-[
Posted byAshley C. at 11:33 AM 0 Love Notes
I can't wait
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
You already know that Josh and I have been together for quite some time (well, nearly 5 years to be more clear), and I talk a lot about being engaged to him. Okay, maybe not on here because I don't want to seem like a crazy, mad, obsessive woman, but ask the people I encounter on a regular basis. ;-]
Today, I told Josh, I really can't wait until we're engaged! and he replied, "And then when we're engaged, you'll say 'I can't wait until we are married.'" So I laughed and told him, Yeah, you're right. Of course, since he knows me so well, he tells me, "Then, when we're married, you'll be saying, 'I can't wait to have babies!'" Haha, then I'll be saying that I can't wait until these babies are out of the house and we're on our own again. Here's the scary part: Josh finishes by telling me, "And then, when our babies are out of the house and we're old together, you'll tell me 'I can't wait until we're in heaven together.'"
I guess, that last part is probably very true, but very scary at the same time. I'm always looking forward to the next big thing, the next life-changing event to occur and I'm kind of overlooking what's in front of me now. Josh and I are sooo happy together, and sure, being married will enable us to do a lot more, but what's wrong with living in the now, right now? Times flies and I don't want to be one of those old people that look back on their lives and say "Where did it all go?" I want to look back at my life and be completely satisfied with everything and know that God's timing in my life was nothing less than perfect. You know what the cool thing about what Josh said is though? That God will create a whole new earth, and that means that Josh and I will be able to live for eternity. Together. There will be no I can't wait for this. I can't wait for that. God will make us perfect beings and living solely by His will. I told Josh that means that we can have lots and lots and lots of babies since there will be no pain in Heaven. :-]
Posted byAshley C. at 7:46 PM Post a comment (1) Love Notes
I'll remember that . . .
Friday, July 16, 2010
I read a blog post the other day that was about finding the best in your husband. Sure, I'm not married yet, but I am madly in love with my little stinker of a boyfriend. :-] Over the past couple of days, I can tell that my attitude has changed towards things that I would have nagged or complained about.
Before I get annoyed by you hanging out with me immediately after work and falling asleep, I'll remember that because of you, we are financially stable and our bills are paid.
Before I get irritated with you not acknowledging that I look nice in a certain outfit or with a certain hair style, I'll remember that you will love me unconditionally, even after the hair and outfit change.
Before I nag to you about not going somewhere fun or different this weekend, I'll remember we had lots of spurts of fun and different throughout the week.
Before I am embarrassed about going out with you wearing wrinkly clothes, I'll remember that you rushed with all you had to hang out ASAP.
Before I start annoying you about proposing to me, I'll remember that you're one of very few men that will wait for God's will to unravel in your life and wait for Him to do the same in mine.
Before I become annoyed and upset that you push me to work out and watch what I eat, I'll remember that you're only going to be as happy with my body as I am . . . but that you'll love me regardless.
I love you (and all of your quirks) so, so, so much, Lover.
Posted byAshley C. at 2:14 PM Post a comment (1) Love Notes
Labels: Josh, lesson learned, love
