Behind fears
Wednesday, September 29, 2010

As I mentioned previously, me pursuing photography has definitely had it's run of uncertainties and I have just flat out been nervous to give it my all and give myself to it.  What if I'm not as good as I think I am?  What if people think I am the worst photographer in the world?  What if I only get clients by asking them, hey, uh can I take some photos of you?  But, I heard another photgrapher say to "creat your own game;"  if I create my own game, using my own pieces, I will not have to measure up to someone else and will always come up on top.  This game is called mine.  I have no option but to win.  Plus, if I have God's blessing, I will do nothing but grow and be the best that I can . . . at the work of His hand.

Here is my game plan:
-Remember that I am doing this because I have a passion for it (despite of "bad shoots")
-Put myself "out there" and be daring . . .
-. . . but be willing to fail
-Remember my style and not change it for anyone.
-be myself and not be afraid of people not liking my technique.  Those that like it, like it and those that don't,  don't
-Listen to His voice and follow His lead.

So, here's what I have done.  First of all, I've created a page on Facebook for people to "like" and keep in touch and hear updates about how things are going with this passion I am pursuing.  Second, I have deleted my LeilaniNicole Photography blog; I want people to get to know the real me . . . not a censor for a blog about photography (after all, that's what my future website will be for).  Third, I am just going to dive in; I am not going to hide behind my fears.  I am going to chase after this as though I am certain God wants me here and I will give it my all.  People don't grow hiding behind fears. 

Posted byAshley C. at 5:03 PM Post a comment (1) Love Notes  

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Stop looking.
Friday, September 24, 2010

My and my Lover's conversation last night went a little like this:

Me: Baby, I really wish you could understand how much I feel like God is showing provision with me   wanting to do photography.
Him:  I understand.  Just make sure you continually pray about it.
Me:  Ever since talking to Krissy that one day, I really have been and ever since, I have felt more encouraged and feel like every time I turn around, more doors are opening for me.
Him:  Is this really what you want to do?  You have a passion strong enough to want to do photography for as long as God enables you?
Me: Yes.
Him:  Alright.  Stop looking for a job.  Continue working on your photography and stay at Omni until God moves you somewhere else.  This is where you are now and God has provided this for you.
Me: *crying* Really?  You're really supporting me with this?
Him: *kisses my forehead* Yes.

And the conversation above is just another example of why I am marrying this guy. 

Thank you, Father.

Posted byAshley C. at 9:39 AM 0 Love Notes  

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Finding peace
Thursday, September 23, 2010

Since my last post, I've been doing a lot of talking to God.  I've been asking Him to point me in the right direction and lead me where He wants me.  I'm tired of stressing about where I'm going to work (and be a sufficient provider to my future family), how I'm going to use my degree, etc.  I'm done.  I've prayed, asked God to provide, and I'm leaving it in His hands. 
Since I've been praying about this, I've been feeling more and more confident in my photography; visualizing myself in the future being successful; having peace knowing that I am exactly where He wants me.  The only problem is that I do not want to get my dreams mixed with His desires.  I want to be 100% sure that I am listening to His voice and not the little voices in my head saying this is right. 
Since praying about this, I've been given the most encouraging words, photography advice, and "plans" in ways people want to use me.  I've been thinking big.  Really big.  From out of nowhere, I've been feeling sooo inspired and have so much hope for my photography busines.  But, please God, if this is not for me, I pray that you would shut this door and guide me to the door that you've had waiting open for me. In fact, what if where I am now is exactly where He wants me? That would be pretty sweet!

In the mean time, I will continue trying to bring in clientele and get people aware of what LeilaniNicole Photography is.  I am pretty sure that God will make Himself crystal clear . . . I find sooo much peace in knowing that. 

Posted byAshley C. at 3:31 PM 0 Love Notes  

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