Our Love Like A Fingerprint

Accepted!

2011-05-18T17:57:00.000-07:00

The seller accepted our offer! :) After some negotiating back and forth (and pretty big sacrificing on our part) we are finally under contract! We asked the seller to include the washer and dryer (which we can tell was recently purchased) but because of her financial situation, she was not able to include them since she is renting and not sure if her rental will include those. She also excluded the home warranty (which we asked her to include) but again, because of her situation, she was unable to include that. But we are not worried about that because the house is still young and if something were to happen, we definitely would not ask her to front the funds, anyway. No chance! We have some kind of heart! :) But we are so relieved about finally getting the show on the road. Now, the only things that need to be done are the home inspection and having an appraiser come to the home. The tricky part is that with an FHA loan, the house must appraise for at least the purchase price . . . if it doesn't, the seller must lower her asking price to the appraisal value or we walk. Boo. We are praying that that doesn't happen. If all goes well, hopefully we will close in about 30 days! Eeeeeek!!!! :)

We have already picked out all of the paint colors, too! That was probably the easiest thing Josh and I have done. Don't most couples have a hard time compromising with paint? We had more issues registering haha!

And just for kicks and giggles, I am going to show you our house! There are 4 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms, living room, family room, dining room, and unfinished basement.

The front of the house

Here is the formal living room

And the dining room

The kitchen

The family room and fireplace! :)

The master bedroom with a walk-in closet and full bathroom

This is one of the guest bedrooms (future nursery hey!!)

This is another guest bedroom (future nursery #2 heeeyyy!!)

This is the view from the kitchen/eating area to the backyard

And this is the backyard . . . big enough for our reception! ;)

The offer

2011-05-16T12:16:00.000-07:00

Josh and I have been house-shopping the last few weeks and finally found one that we could really see ourselves (and future family) in. It's so beautiful! It has 4 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms, a living room, family room, dining room, unfinished basement, and really nice, big backyard. The funny thing is that when that home was first scheduled for a walk-thru, I asked Josh and the realtor if we could just skip it; I didn't want to see it because the acreage that was listed was "too small;" but I'm beginning to think that that was a mistake because it is rather large! :) I am so, so glad that we actually went to see it (twice!). The first walk-thru, Josh whispered "this is the one" to me as we were walking up from the basement . . . that didn't happen with any other home.
So, here we are three weeks later and we finally have been able to put our offer in. The first offer we put in was Friday and was pretty low because we wanted to see what the seller would counter-offer. We got a call back on Saturday morning from our realtor saying that the seller's husband recently passed away and that with her financial situation, she cannot go any lower than the listing price; we don't believe that for a single second. Who lists their home at the lowest they are able to go? On top of that, we have a paper saying that she refinanced her home about 5 years ago at $16,000 lower than her listing price. We know that she is able to go that low. So . . . Josh and I offered $5,000 lower than her listing price. If she doesn't want that, we will walk away and find something else.

Obviously, we are really praying that the seller accepts our offer. :) We'd love for that house to be the one that we raise a big family in. ;)

Forgetfulness

2011-05-06T15:01:00.000-07:00

We landed in Hawaii and I realized that I forgot my dress. My wedding dress. How in the world did I forget that? Well, must improvise, right? Good thing I had a cute bathing suit that I could wear to the "alter" instead. Although it was something sexy that I planned on wearing for the honeymoon, I thought that maybe I could pull it off . . . cellulite and all. Oh well, I know that my soon-to-be husband would find it to be the best thing I've worn yet. Then I looked down at my toes. What the heck? Chipped, pink toenail polish?! What kind of bride forgets to get a pedicure especially with her wedding on the beach?! It's okay . . . I'll just dig my toes in the sand while remembering to suck my tummy in and creatively hide my not-so-toned bottom.

I am so, so glad that my alarm went off at the moment. I didn't think this was something I would have been able to pull off anyway. At least this would have been easier to recover from than forgetting I had a newborn baby and not feeding it for a whole day!

Sweet moments

2011-05-05T16:10:00.000-07:00

I am throwing myself back into the blogging world because I have done some thinking and realized that the highlight of my life (since the last time we caught up) was that I was finally engaged. When I first began my blog, I wanted to be sure that I was able to document that part of my life and for those of you that know me, you know how big that was for me! :) But, I need to remind myself that every day is worth celebrating and documenting. Every day is full of sweet moments; ones that I am going to love looking back at and laughing at. Not to mention, it's amazing to be able to watch yourself transform into someone/something that you never thought you would be.
With that being said, I'm back. I want to be able to look back at these crazy days ahead of me. I am in the middle of finding a home, planning a wedding, dreaming about a big family, welcoming another nephew into my life, getting my photography business off the ground . . . moments that I never want to forget. I guess this is when it is proven that "it's not about the destination but the journey getting there." :)

Well, since it's Cinco de Mayo, I've got someone to talk in to going to our favorite restaurant, Tacos el Norte! Yum!

Doin' it big!

2011-01-31T15:26:00.000-08:00

I don't believe I ever mentioned that the hope I had last week for getting my photos back, yeah that it gone. Josh finally got his computer unlocked from LoJack and the first thing we see is a big ol' picture of a baby on his desktop. Oh, heck no! That is like worse than actually stealing the computer! Putting your own photo on someone else's computer is like a dog peeing on a tree! So, the first thing he checked was my computer>photos . . . nothing. Well, no, I'd be lying is I said nothing because there was a lot of nothings. The same woman standing in the same doorway using the same pose wearing a different outfit was a constant reminder that we didn't have that computer for several months. Then, we checked my computer>videos and again, lots of nothings. There was a 6 minute video of a woman recording herself in a van along with the driver, the no-seat back seat with like 3 kids and an older man along with 2 huge flatscreen TVs and laptops. The woman was going on and on about about they have two homes, and "doin' it big in 2010! Yeeeeaaahhhhh!!!!!!" She was so excited that she was going to be sleeping in her own bed that night and that she has no money at all but kept reminding the passengers that they were "doin' it big! Thank America for this one!" I was becoming more and more irritated watching her talk and seeing all of the cavities in the back of her mouth and smoke filling the screen from what I am going to guess was not from a legal substance.

By the end of the video, I wanted to yell at this woman for being so ignorant and umm . . . selfish? But, I have to admit that part of me wanted to say you know what, this is okay. She was obviously in need of things more than Josh and I were. If she found so much joy in being able to sleep in a bed that night, she was definitely not well-off. But then again . . . she was not eating stolen food or using stolen money (the necessities in life), she was using our stolen computer and had huge flat screen TVs in her home; she did not need those things! Ah, whatever. I guess it would awesome for us to see one of our computers again, but it stinks that we were able to see who actually used it. :/

Organic Product Review

2011-01-21T14:42:00.000-08:00

Josh and I went on a little field trip the other day to my new favorite store: Whole Foods Market! I have been researching all-organic cosmetics and beauty products because I know that the chemicals that are in the products that I am currently using are not good for me. I have been checking my beauty products for quite some time and seeing things like propylparabens, methylparabens, urea, perfumes, etc and have tried my hardest to just dust it off; I knew they weren't good but I was too used to those products that I wanted to ignore it. Also with me working at a hair salon and using expensive, name-brand hair products (at a discounted price), I was treating my hair so well and did not want to sacrifice healthy hair for those bad chemicals (I know, it sounds bad!).
The last piece of makeup that I purchased was made by Urban Decay; it was a loose powder that worked fabulously! The catch: the only 2 ingredients listed were methylparabens and propylparabens, both chemicals linked to breast cancer and infertility issues. Not something that I should have put near my face, but it worked so well and I spent nearly $40 on it so I had better finish it. Every time I used it, I felt so very guilty and was hoping that I would accidentally drop it and lose all of those nasty parabens. Finally though, my Urban Decay powder is finally on it's last leg and I will be out of it probably by next week.

For those that are wondering, I will share what I am replacing my beauty products with. I'm going to say now that if you somehow stumbled across my blog through a search engine looking for reviews or whatever else, I am not the person to ask about organic products nor do I claim to be some kind of organic, all-natural guru; I am still new to the scene and hope to gain more knowledge about harmful ingredients, etc. My list is not a list of the "good and bad," it is simply a list of my personal preferences . . . and fears! :)

I have traded . . .
-Secret deodorant for Crystal Deodorant stick. From what I have used so far, I can say it works. At first I was a little skeptical because it literally is a rock-hard, dry stick. To use, you must wet the "rock" and use. There are no perfumes, so there is obviously no smell. I have not noticed any musty smell or moistness. So far, I would say that I recommend this deodorant.
-Cetaphil and Dermalogica Facewash for Avalon Organics Lavendar Cleansing Gel. I have only used this facewash a couple times (since I have purchased it) and it works fabulously. I love the smell and that it actually "suds" up. Prior to this facewash, I was using two washes that were either mild or a clay wash so there were no bubbles. This smells great and leaves my face feeling clean. BUT, it does leave my face feeling rather "tight" when I leave the shower. Would I recommend this product? Not exactly sure yet, but so far, so good.
-Dermalogica Active Moist facial moisturizer for Dr. Hauschka's Normalizing Day Oil. This. Stuff. Is. Amazing. This brand's philosophy is that "likes treat likes;" I have an oily face, so it is apparently better to moisturize with an oil. Sure, it seems counterintuitive, but trust me on this one. After my tight feeling face (from the facewash), I put half a dime size of this oil on and it immediately gives me relief and gives my skin a glow. Oh, and I go through the whole day without any nasty shine. Recommend? Absolutely!! It is a little on the pricey side but worth every penny.
-Redken Shampoo and Conditioner for Neuma products. This was a hair product line that we just launched at Omni and I was thrilled to use something totally organic that smells delicious and leaves my hair feeling better than it ever has before. They currently have 3 now 4 sets to choose from and although I have only tried 2 of them, I can guarantee you will never switch from it! My hair feels and smells great and I know that I'm treating it with one of the best products out there so it makes me feel more confident! Recommend? Definitely, definitely!
-Moroccan Oil to Argan Treatment (from Neuma). I am still using the sample packet (now on week 3!), so that alone says that a little goes a long way. I was in love with my Moroccan Oil; the smell was great, I felt like it reduced my drying time, made my hair extra soft. But, because I could try the sample Argan, I did. I like this stuff because it is colorless and has no perfumes. I feel that it also does everything that the Moroccan did. Which do I like better? Moroccan. Which am I going to use? Argan . . . it is better for my hair so I will stick to that mentality. Would I recommend this product? Yes, but only because it is an organic alternative.
-Vaseline hand/body lotion for Avalon Organics Lavendar Hand and Body Moisturizer. I love, love, love this lotion! It is to rich and creamy and makes me smell like I just left a spa. Not to mention I got a huge 32oz. bottle for about $12! :) This brand does not claim to be 100% oragnic (only 70%), but it does not have parabens, sulfates, fake perfumes, or pthalates. I would highly recommend this product because it is organic, cheap, and works amazingly.
-Covergirl, Urban Decay, Bare Minerals make up for Afterglow Cosmetics. I do not know whether or not I will be completely in love with it, but I sure hope so because I have replaced my entire makeup regimen. The most important thing to me in my makeup is the foundation and since my foundation only lists parabens and was way too expensive, I was ready to try something new. I will let you all know what I think of it after I use it all.
-Spearmint Chapstick for Whole Foods brand Peppermint "chapstick." Anyone who knows me knows that I am addicted to Chapstick in the same way that people are addicted to nicotine. No joke. Let me explain why I am so picky with Chapstick. I loved my Chapstick brand because: 1) it tasted, smelled, and felt like spearmint, 2) my lips never, ever felt chapped, 3) my lips never got red from irritation, 4) it was light enough for me to layer it on the 75 times a day like I did. Now, while standing in line at Whole Foods, I thought I'm going to replace it. No, I'm not. Yes, I am, No . . . OKAY! Fine! And honestly, I haven't used a lick of Chapstick (brand) in more than 24 hours. I have not done that in more than 5 years (and I'm not exaggerating!). This new stuff does not taste like peppermint, but it definitely smells like it and leaves a cool feeling on my lips. It is also a little thicker so I use it less often. I also notice than when it "rubs" off, my lips still feel conditioned as though the new stuff actually settles in my lips and is not only surface like my Chapstick brand was. Would I recommend it? Sure, but I have a feeling that there has to be something better out there. But for now, it is by far good enough to get me off of that other bad "drug."

I am still researching and would love to replace my toothpaste, bodywash, shaving cream and face lotion (for night time). As of right now, I don't really find it a necessity to change my perfume or hand sanitizers. Those two things will come in due time. Plus, would you have really wanted to read 2 more of my boring reviews? ;)

Best birthday thus far!

2011-01-19T18:13:00.000-08:00

Happy almost-half-way-to-fiftieth-birthday to my Lover! I asked him where he wanted to eat for his birthday and he told me Portillo's. Not The Cheesecake Factory or a nice steak place but a fast food burger/hotdog place. When I told him no and to choose something nicer he told me, "I don't want to sit down and eat fancy; that's you." Well, I'm glad that he knows my style then! :) So, we went to Portillo's, got 2 slices of their chocolate cake with our order and I role-played that I made it. I know that those days of surprises are gone now . . . we are together too much for those things to play out (and living together will just make it even harder!). No birthday cake (or candles, of course). No birthday gift (he didn't want anything, okay?!). :( I hope he doesn't think that I've given up on romance and surprises. Baby, I promise that if you wanted the moon, I would bring you the moon. But you didn't ask.

After we got home from lunch, there was a message playing on the answering machine from the local police department saying something about laptop and recovered and burglary. Josh tells me, "Did you hear that? They found our laptops!" Yeah right, that was 6 months ago. Press replay so we can hear the whole message. And believe it or not, the man on the other end was saying that the laptop that was stolen in July has been recovered and they have it at the department. I called him back, left a message to call back. While waiting, we were debating about whose laptop we hope it is (mine, his, or my mom's) and whose laptop would be more important to have been recovered. He called within 5 minutes. While I had him on the phone, I asked him, Sir, we actually had three laptops stolen, could you tell me what color it is? "I have a blue Dell XPS." Babe! It's yours! They have your laptop! Josh is just yelling back, "Nuh uh! Don't lie!"
Within 15 minutes, the detective delivered the once nice, now beaten up, raggedy, scratched, holding onto life by a single strand computer back into its owner's hands. Fortunately, LoJack was activated, the computer was locked and Josh was on the phone with the company getting it unlocked. I'm still waiting to hear from Josh whether all of his files are safe and untouched. The one thing that I try to block from my mind is that all, and I do mean all of my photos were taken with my computer. BUT, all of those photos were also on his computer so hope remains! ;)

Mature Decisions

2011-01-18T20:00:00.000-08:00

I just finished doing something very grown womanish. Something I should have done about 5 years ago. Yes, Josh and I just budgeted our money! We sat down, listed all of our bills (gym membership, credit cards, phone, Netflix subscription, etc.) along with our monthly income and our monthly savings deposit goal. We have plans to pay certain bills off along the way and that money (previously spent on a bill) will be directed to the next bill that needs most attention. I even have little virtual post-it notes on the desktop of my laptop with all of our bills and their due dates with astericks next to the ones that are "mine." This is going to be a constant reminder of where our attention needs to be. I feel really good about the this! You all probably know how spontaneous me and Josh's spending (and eating out, and random splurges!) are, so this is going to be huge!!
What caused us to do something so . . . mature? Well, we decided that it would be very silly to spend so much money on apartment rent while saving for a down payment on a home so we are just going to cram (and budget) our money as much as we can before the wedding and see what we have in our savings and hope that we have enough for a decent down payment on a starter home. :) All of a sudden, I'm that much more excited about getting married!

Today I also made another step into the "paraben, preservative, harsh chemical free world!" I want to share more on that so I will save for another post ASAP. ;)

Happy New Year!

2011-01-17T12:20:00.000-08:00

I haven't been here in a while and quite frankly, I hate admitting that . . . it's pretty obvious that this old thing needs to be dusted off every once in a while; wish I could blame it on busyness but I think it all comes back to laziness or lack of interesting thoughts to share.
With that being said, Happy New Year! ;) I brought in the new year with a single resolution. I will lose 30 pounds before our wedding (go ahead, stomp and beat on that resolution one more time!). But, the good news is that I have been doing pretty good. I've lost 4 pounds in 2 weeks but am not sure if my stomach flu is partially to blame for last week's loss. Either way, I'm doing it. I'm sticking to it and have to admit I feel like I'm lookin' good and feelin' hot! :)
I've also been thinking about changing this blog up a bit. It needs a facelift. Big time. :) I am thinking about changing the name to something that I will be able to change through the years but will hold that same feel, you know what I mean? Our Love Like A Finger Print? I don't really know what I was thinking. I mean, it is pretty cute (and true), but the name suggests that I talk about me and the Lover (and he's becoming less of a focus on here! Oops!). I want this to be a place where I can direct photography clients and showcase some of my work. The name is hindering me. Speaking of "place," I'm also thinking about whether or not it would be too difficult switching to a new blog host (Wordpress?).

Eh. We'll see. I've done so much talking and so little acting that you are all probably rolling your eyes right about now saying "Yeah right, you ain't doin' nothin'" under your breath. But, dare I say watch out! ;)

Shabby meets Cottage

2010-12-28T22:19:00.000-08:00

Forget the 15 bridal magazines that I've subscribed to; just give me some shabby chic meets cottage interior design magazines. I've been spending 4 of the last 7 days in Barnes and Noble and let me tell you, this place sucks you in like some kind of vortex. Even though I've got my nose in a series right now, I just have an impulse to buy more books. I don't like to borrow or rent books . . . there is something about the smell of a brand new book and to know it's only yours makes it that much better.

Anyway . . . where was I? Oh! Interior design magazines. Yes. I. Love. Them. I forewarned Josh in a nice way. I said, hey babe, when you're done playing your video game, can you come look at these magazines to see what I really like and what you're getting into? He never came. I took that as a sign of "Honey, I trust you." Score! :) I have finally nailed the look that I am going for. That shabby chic meets warm cottage. Think it can't happen? Oh, it can. Just you watch! ;) I even convinced him that as long as I can gather things from thrift stores, antique shops, and barn sales, he won't have to spend much money on "real" furniture. Again, he didn't respond so I took that as a big "Yes! You're too cool and I love that you save us money all the time!" *clears throat and bats eyelashes* ;)

I will have to post some photos of what I'm talking about another time!

Pile pickin'

2010-12-23T17:08:00.000-08:00

Because this was my sister's time of custody with her son, we decided to open Christmas gifts this morning so that he would have time to play with his toys before going back to his dad's tomorrow. This year was more fun with him than last; he's 2 months shy of 3-years old, so he's all about opening his Christmas gifts (because he already opened a couple and knew what they were so we had to tape them back up!). It's always fun to hear and feel a kid's joy during Christmas time.

My sister and I . . . well, we enjoyed it, too. Every year, it's fun to see what kind of odd things my mom gets us. This morning for example, as soon as my mom left the room, my sister's pile grew larger because I regifted. Yes, regifted while opening gifts. :) She inherited a colorful array of bobby pins and a rather hideous (sorry, mom!) pair of red and black fluffy sock/slippers. I also fought her for her awesome pink keychain for my similar blue one until mom stepped in to tell us that they were are birthstones. Oops! When my nephew was preoccupied opening his Chuggington train set, tinkertoy, and VeggieTales DVD, I was picking from his pile. Hey, don't judge me! The reese's bites and bubble gum were so good! ;) Next year, I will be married, beginning my own Christmas traditions, so it will be interesting to see how next Christmas will be different. Really, I can't wait to wake up next to my Husband on Christmas morning laughing because we were too excited and opened our gifts Christmas eve and have nothing to open that morning. :)

Well, here's to you and your family's CHRISTmas peculiarity. ;) Enjoy it!

2010 Christmas List

2010-12-22T15:12:00.000-08:00

This is my 2009 Christmas list to my boo. We don't normally make lists, but I had to find a way to make it clear that by 2010 I wanted to officially be "soon-to-be Mrs. Staples." That didn't happen, though. But, finding the list was cool because it reminded my that my Lover loves to spoil me (and that I got almost everything I asked for throughout 2010). So, common sense might tell me that if I make a list for 2010 Christmas, odds are I won't be getting them all for Christmas, but that I will probably accumulate them throughout next year. So . . . my 2010 Christmas list is as follows:
1: a great big house
2: lots of furniture for that great big house
3: a brand new car (bow on top, too, please)
... and last but not least ...
4: a cute little baby (yes, I said it!)

Okay, okay, maybe I'm being a little too hopeful, but he does love me, right? ;)

Loyal readers

2010-12-20T14:40:00.000-08:00

*Frantically looking around* I really hope that my two readers haven't left me abandoned like I have them. No? Good . . . Glad that I'm not the only one that isn't the most punctual when it comes to updating their blogs.
With Christmas right around the corner (really? It's that time?!), I've been busy and yes, not feeling like blogging but instead Christmas shopping, focusing on photography (and ways that I can grow in 2011), reading new books that I've stumbled upon. But, I am grateful that I know I have at least 1 loyal reader . . . I think.
Oh and because I'm actually pretty proud of myself (after 2 weeks) that I discovered I was blogging under the wrong tab which was why I wasn't able to load photos, or italicize my photos. Both of which are very important in blogging, so I'm back! :)

What happened

2010-12-05T10:02:00.000-08:00

I have no idea what made me think that I would be able to log onto this thing and share my "daily photo" with you anyway, but I did! LOL I hope you all are having a great weekend and for all you local friends, hope you're enjoying our first snowfall. :)

And . . . I came to share my photos, but it seems that the "add photo" button has disappeared, can someone help? :/

Project 365 initiation

2010-12-02T16:31:00.000-08:00

After having recently written a blog about commitment (or lack thereof), I've decided that it would be in my character to go ahead and make another! Because people aren't really diggin' cold photo shoots, I thought it would be a brilliant idea to do the Project 365. You know, that project that you have to do to enter to photog world? Since falling into peer pressure is a rather new thing for me (all good, I promise!), I thought why not? Here's what I'll be doing: every day, for the next 365 days I'll be taking a photo. Could be a random photo with no purpose (or maybe no beauty) or could be someone that I've had scheduled for some time. I will challenge myself, step out of my comfort zone, and establish my style more. So, this means that at the end of my blogs for the next year, I will be posting a photo . . . and it may have not a single thing to do with my blog post, but it will be there for your enjoyment (or whatever). :) Oh, and by the way, today is day three, so I will flood you all the next time I blog.

Feeling your heartbeat

2010-11-22T11:13:00.000-08:00

In memory of Andre, we did a lot of worshipping this weekend . . . that's everything Andre's life was about. If Andre wasn't worshipping with another church, he was at his home church, walking the halls with his guitar, praising and worshipping his audience of One. So many people shared that they saw Andre as one of the closest things to Jesus and I have to agree. One of the songs that we sang on Saturday and Sunday was a song called "The more I seek You;" this was one of Dre's favorite songs. This song was one of those that immediately draw an image in your mind and bring you to the Savior in tears and reverance.

The more I seek you,
The more I find you
The more I find you,

The more I love you

I wanna sit at your feet
Drink from the cup in your hand.
Lay back against you and breath, feel your heart beat
This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand.
I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming

Aside from this being a beautiful song, really picture what these lyrics are saying. Can you imagine sitting at his feet while he lets you drink from the cup in his hand, and then allows you to lay back against him, feeling his heartbeat and being able to do that all day, every day for all of eternity. Imagine the talks that you two will have. Why something happened, how he performed that miracle, why he was willing to die on a cross for your sins alone (and why he would do it again).

I want to share the song with you and was able to find it on Youtube. Please take a minute to listen and praise God for his unfathomable love.

Andre's homegoing

2010-11-17T17:53:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, Josh's family lost an amazing, godly, gentle-spirited, young man. Andre was one of the most kind guys that I have ever met. Although I was not close to Andre, we were friends (would have been cousins, too!). I can recall some good memories that we've shared and it seems that many of the friends he had can do the same. I can promise that not a single person could ever say a bad thing about Andre and the life that he lived.
As I've mentioned before (like, ~~a hundred~~ two hundred times before!), I do not handle death well. It's one of those ginormous struggles of mine but also where I can find peace knowing that it is a strength that Josh has. I knew the day would come where I would have to hike up my britches and comfort Josh for a loss in his family and I was sooo scared about it. But, like always, Josh surprised me. The way he thinks of it is that Andre is in a much better place, without pain or sickness. Josh said that every single memory he has of Andre was a good one so that's where he finds his comfort. Me, on the other hand, thinks in an earthly manner; But, Thanksgiving is next week, his brother's (and best friend) birthday is next month just like Christmas. What is the church going to be like without his praise and worship? He never had the chance to share an intimate love with a spouse, he was so young. But here's the key: Andre does not care! He is worshipping face-to-face with his Creator! How amazing is that?! I think where I get caught up on my sad thoughts is for the individual; for the things that they've missed out on. But, Andre was here for God's purpose and it is clear that he served his purpose and then some! His time here on earth was temporary and he made the most of it. All of his family and friends will be reunited with him before Andre's day is over in Heaven.

Yesterday, I asked Josh to share with me one of his best memories with Andre and this is the story he told:

When they were younger, Micah (Josh's brother) and Josh were in boxing and Chuck (Andre's brother) and Andre always teased them that they didn't know how to fight and that they were better than them. Chuck dared Josh to punch him and Andre in the stomach the hardest that he could to see if it would hurt. Josh told them "no way," but in the end, Chuck was able to talk Josh into punching them under one condition: they had to take turns in the room so that the other wouldn't see how hard Josh could actually punch and cause the other to "wuss" out. First, it was Chuck's turn. WHAM! Chuck fell to the ground holding his stomach, grunting. Micah scraped Chuck off the floor and made him leave the room. Second, Micah brought Andre in the room and WHAM!. "That's all you got?" Andre said, standing confidently with a straight face. Josh said that when he punched Andre in the stomach, all he felt was his hard abs and it was no wonder Josh couldn't hurt Andre! Andre said, "Your fist hurt my skin, though. I know for sure I'll be sore tomorrow" and kept repeating himself. I'm going to go out on a limb that Andre would still like to tease Josh about how he punches like a sissy. ;)

I'm just preparing myself

2010-11-15T15:40:00.000-08:00

I'm beginning to feel like I'm talking to myself on here. People always tell me that they read my blogs, but no one comments and I haven't had a new follower since day one. I can tell you that one reason for that is that most of the blogs I follow are the ones that I cannot yet relate to: the stay-at-home, crafty, money-saving, photographer, mommy blogs. What interest do they have in a girl like me? I'm kind of in limbo right now. I've tried the whole money-saving thing and as I mentioned before, I really stink at balancing. I'm not yet a mom, I actually have to go to work, and try to become a photographer on the side. I love reading the blogs that I read because I have learned a lot and I can honestly say that had it not been for following the blogs that I follow, I would never had started clipping coupons, became interested in photography, or have a strong opinion for breast-feeding (and cloth diapers and baby-wearing!).

Who am I you might ask? A 22-year old that is engaged and planning a wedding for next July. I am still living at home, but mostly buy my own groceries so I attempt to save as much money as I can in the process. I do not have kids, but want a handful of them ASAP and when I do, I will try with all I have to solely breast-feed. I would like to call myself a professional photographer but the truth is that I haven't even found myself or my voice. Kinda funny that I'm reading the blogs that I am, huh? No, I am not trying to become something that I'm not but I don't think you have an idea how badly I want to be at the stage in my life where I can say I am a stay-at-home mom that only breast feeds, uses cloth diapers, and carries my baby in a sling while I am balancing blogging, photography, and loving my husband with my entire heart. I'm just preparing myself. ;)

D90 desires

2010-11-11T20:32:00.000-08:00

It was a glorious day when I got my long-awaited DSLR. I waited and waited for it . . . and my Lover made me a deal and said that if we could leave the mall, I would have my camera in 15 minutes. Deal!

But . . . I am now selling the body so that I can upgrade to something a little more "high grade." The awesome thing is that I am still sticking to my philosophy of only spending business-made money on business desires to keep me clear from debt. I am going to put my other lens purchase on hold until I am able to purchase a new body. Wanna see the new body I want?

Pretty, huh? ;)

Our first year

2010-11-03T17:07:00.000-07:00

Josh and I began dating about a week before he left for his first year of college about 3.5 hours away. I was still at home finishing up my senior year of high school. Our love was sparkly and new . . . and we had no choice but to be sure that it was strong, too. He was attending school to major in computer science and still fulfill the duties he had since receiving his full-ride scholarship to play baseball. We knew that we wouldn't be seeing each other more than once every other month so we talked on the phone. A lot. When I got home from school, I waited by my phone until he got home from practice and we talked until the wee hours in the morning. And did it all over again the next day.

Until his dad stepped in.

What?! Only 1 hour a day? He has got to be crazy!! "I know babe, we'll just have to talk more online, I guess." Yeah, that kinda sucked. It was much more different than actually hearing his voice and being able to hear about his day, how practice went, what new schemes his evil roommates plotted that day. We thought of almost every idea in the books: chatting via webcams, leaving each other looong voicemails until it beeped (hoping that wouldn't reflect used minutes), text messages, surprise letters. He wouldn't let me drive to visit since I hadn't had much experience driving on the highway since the nightmare. But, along with his not-often-enough visits back home, I was able to visit twice that year with my soon-to-be roommates.

I suppose it was more than enough to get us through our first year apart. We spent every moment of every day that Summer and into our first year of school together. Being 3.5 hours away from home was all the more reason. But, that's another story for another day.

Here I am now

2010-10-29T21:54:00.000-07:00

I've always been the person that knew what I wanted to be when I "grew up." I remember when I was about 6 going around telling people I'm a future nurse and really feeling like that was a job title itself. All throughout high school, I knew for sure that I wanted to be an English teacher. When teachers asked, I could reply without hesitation. I knew what I was going to college for. When I was at the beginning of my college career, I was so positive that I was going to be a Psychologist. Any kind. Just a Psychologist. And after I was more than mid-way through my college career, I decided that I was going to be a Social Worker. I wanted to work with struggling families; families that were beyond dysfunctional.

Here I am now. I am a photographer. Not quite "professional" but definitely chasing it and giving it all I've got, with all that I have. Forget teaching, counseling, or attempting to save the world. I've decided that photography is right were I want to be. For as long as that might be. :)

First business purchase

2010-10-28T16:36:00.000-07:00

I told myself from day one that I would not make a business purchase with my own money; if I wanted a new camera, lens, strobe, bag, or whatever else, I would have to save the money that my business earned. Well, after some time now (and shopping around and debating!), I have been able to purchase a new lens! Last night, I purchased a Nikon 85mm 1.8 AF and a strobe diffuser!! I am so excited because I thought that my awesome 50mm was a one-lens miracle; there was nothing that lens couldn't do. Until I shot Errika's labor and delivery. I was able to really know and admit that I could have used an 85mm. Then I shot April's newborn session. I realized I needed a 35mm. It's just a really cool and legitimizing feeling that I know what I need. Heck, about 4 months ago, I couldn't have even told you what any of those numbers meant or how they could benefit me. Need me to explain (because I definitely can!)? ;) I have a family session booked for next week, so hopefully I'll be able to pull out the newbie for it! ;)

Next purchase on the list is the 35mm 1.8. :)

3 years

2010-10-27T15:49:00.000-07:00

It seems that I cannot get enough of my friend's baby, April. That little girl is so stinkin' cute, I don't know what to do with myself. She will definitely be a heart-breaker. ;) She is so perfect: no crying, no fussing, just alert and watching the world around her. But she does have her cute little quirks, too; when her diaper is being changed, she always get the hiccups (and they last a while!) and she sneezes A LOT every morning just because. But, I'm sure mommy and daddy wouldn't change a thing about her. :)

I keep asking Josh how long he thinks we will wait to start a family after being married. "Most likely 3 years." What? Maybe 3 months! I cannot wait to have a family with him. We have to have all 4 of our children (God willing) before I get too old and if he plans on waiting 3 years, I will be 26 at that time. Eek. I used to say that I wanted all 4 before turning 30 but now that time is passing, I see that is virtually impossible (unless we hit the double-twin jackpot!). I just need my own baby or else Errika will get tired of me visiting her and April all the time. ;) Errika keeps telling me that she's got her fingers crossed that we will have a baby like, tomorrow . . . sorry, sister, that ain't happenin'!

Circus act

2010-10-26T07:50:00.000-07:00

I'm horrible at balancing. Just horrible. Remember the whole coupon-clipping thing? Scrapbooking? Weight Watcher attempts? P90X? Hmm . . . it kind of makes me sad but I finally discovered what happened. I used to think I sucked at everything and I just gave up too quickly, but I really am just bad at balancing. Ever since photography came into the picture, I feel like I've neglected everything else (including this blog!). It seems that whatever else I am interested in gets my full attention. Every ounce of it. Kind of sucks because I would love to be able to clip coupons, commit to a 90-day workout, scrapbook, and still be able to photograph and post-process photos but I just don't roll like that.

I wonder what will happen when I'm a stay-at-home mom, photgrapher, coupon-clipper (since groceries will be a necessity!), and trying to work off all the baby weight? I'm going to look like some kind of circus act. :/ Maybe this is one of those "practice makes perfect" kind of deals.

Things you shouldn't read

2010-10-21T07:45:00.000-07:00

Things you shouldn't read before going to bed:

"I absolutely love all of your photos and I have a huge question for you. I was wondering if you would be interested in photographing [our] wedding on November 27th. If you are I would LOVE that, let me know how much you would charge . . . "

Yeah, umm that definitely didn't catch me totally off guard (pure sarcasm). But the problem with reading things like that before bed is that your mind immediately begins to think of the best and worst possibilities. You don't get any sleep because instead you're thinking about the equipment you have, the equipment you need to purchase, why you can't be the only photographer shooting your first wedding, who will second-shoot, how much you are going to charge, what if it's too expensive, what if you're not charging enough for your time, how in the world are you going to edit 500+ photos, what if you don't even get a high number of quality shots?

But then again, I guess all photographer once felt this way, right?

Michael Scott, here

2010-10-18T09:22:00.000-07:00

My best friend, Errika had her little one! She had April Rayn on Friday at 5:59 p.m. and she weighed 8.9lbs and was 21.25in long with a full head of hair. Just beautiful and perfect. Errika made everything look so easy and smooth. She was herself throughout the whole thing: smiling, laughing, and asking silly questions.

Me? Well, I guess you can call me Michael Scott (The Office) because that's exactly how I felt. For those that don't know Michael, he's very intrusive; always has to be in the middle of someone else's intimate moments. I know, Errika asked me to be there and I was privileged and beyond thrilled that she would ask something like that from me, but I really hope that she didn't see me as "in the way." Haha before going, I was tempted to Google something like "labor and delivery photographer ettiquette," but figured that most photographer aren't best friends with the person in labor. So, I told myself that I wouldn't speak unless spoken to, wait for cues to know it's okay to get certain shots, and not be in her husband's way whatsoever. Only two of those actually happened! I definitely talked, but wasn't running my mouth non-stop. I cheered her on quietly, but kept it mild enough for her husband to say that he was running the show. :) The whole time, I acted as though my photography was second priority; If her husband stepped away or moved positions, I would jump in, take as many photos as I could, and when he came back, I moved immediately. I know that he appreciated that because of course he'd rather be by her side, comforting her, holding her hand, and keeping the rag on her forehead cool.

All that I have to say is that this girl is hawt! She stayed hawt during her entire labor and delivery and made giving birth look like a piece of cake. Her and her husband have this amazing, spoken-without-words kind of language and neither of them skipped a beat; they were there for each other in every way possible. You can see their love for each other radiating from every thing they did and said to each other. They are now a family of 3 and I am excited and eager to see what the future holds for them; plenty of happiness, laughter, and love, I'm sure. Congratulations to your new family, mama!

Labor and delivery opp

2010-10-14T17:02:00.000-07:00

Within the next 24 hours, my best friend, Errika is going to have her baby! :) I am excited for two reasons: 1) We are best friends and I've watched her belly grow the past 9 months, 2) She asked me to photograph the labor and delivery. I am honored because I know that these will be very precious moments. Her and her husband only have 2 more weeks before he goes back to Iraq to finish the last 6 months of his tour, so I am honored that she's even thinking about me while he's here haha!
People are probably thinking, "Ah, how could she let someone photograph that?!" or "She's letting you in the room?" Let's make a few things clear . . . I'm not there to get those kinds of shots; I am there to capture the natural moments, the moments that are happening in between that they aren't paying attention to and can't necessarily enjoy; I'm there to capture the details that are missed and go unnoticed. And not to mention, I'm there because she asked me to be and because we are best friends. :)

So, here's to Errika and her husband's last night before becoming parents! You guys will enjoy it and as I've said time and time before, you two make the most perfect team. ;) I'll see you in the a.m. on the other side of the door! ;)

Just a dream

2010-10-14T07:30:00.000-07:00

I'm just going to go ahead and say it, I feel like this is too good to be true. After being reassured by several people, I have to admit that creating a fan page on Facebook has been one of my best moves yet. I've got nearly 130 fans . . . about one third of which I have never even seen. :) Everyday, I get about 2 people inquiring about my prices and availability. This is way bigger than I thought would happen so soon. I am afraid to pinch myself because I feel like it may just be a dream.
When people ask me if I got this job or that job, I can confidently stand and say that photography is my job now. I am enjoying it and throwing myself out there and watching what happens. I love my job. I love everything about it: the shoots, the people, the struggling with poses, the post-processing, the marketing of my my brand. Everything. I thank God that I did not get those jobs. If I had, I probably won't have even dabbled in photography. I can't wait to see where I am next Spring/Summer! :) Watch out, world!

The first game

2010-10-11T08:44:00.000-07:00

As you know, I started a fan page on Facebook to get my name out there and let people see my work . . . kind of a "one-stop-shop." I never would have thought that I would have 100 fans (and more!), so when I saw how fast it was growing in such a short time, I told myself that after I reach 100 fans, I would give away a free session and free prints. BUT, of course, there are stipulations (or rules haha); for 7 days, fans will have the chance to get entered into a drawing (that I will have next Tuesday) by tagging LeilaniNicole Photography in their status. They may also be entered again (and again!) for each day they tag LeilaniNicole Photography in their status. So, each fan has the opportunity to be entered up to 7 times! I figured this would be something cool to do because 1) I do not know all 100+ fans that I have, 2) people obviously like my work, 3) they are saving $$$! This "game" helps to get my name out there to the friends of friends that I do not have or even know. And a free mini-session and prints ain't too bad! :)

Photography pricing jitters

2010-10-05T10:16:00.000-07:00

I've been debating about mentioning this, but after some thought, I figured that I wanted to and is something that people need to know about photography.

Last week, a woman asked me to photograph her 3 children for fall. I told her of course! I would love to, but please be aware I am charging $50 for the 1-2 hour session which does not include any prints, rather a disc with about 5 photos on there. She replied by telling me never mind because I was too expensive for her and her husband. This was very discouraging, considering the same day, I decided that I was worth more than charging people $35 for a session. Not to mention, I was giving her my rights to 5 photos on a disc.
I am not writing this post because I want to bash the woman, but instead, I want people to see the amount of hard work that goes into a photo shoot. For starters, I will almost always shoot for 2 hours (or a little more if I can). I am not using the most expensive equipment on the market, but it did cost me a pretty penny and I am always investing. Second, after the shoot, I am spending time choosing the best of the best of the photos that I shot . . . then processing them, which takes about 3-4 hours. So, at the end of the day (or week!), I am spending nearly 6 hours on a client that is only paying me $50. Sure, if (and only if!) the client orders prints, I will be making profit through that, but depending on how much they order, I could be making very little. Now, aside from me making very little to nothing, I am also reducing my creativity and uniqueness to something that is not even worth $9/hour and that can easily be replaced by individuals standing behind a tripod at Sears with no passion for what they're doing (needless to say, the lack of personal touch).

People can easily get all hyped on spending "a lot" of money on photos, but are easily willing to pay $70 for a pair of jeans that aren't going to last nearly as long. I know that if someone really wants something, they are going to find a way to pay for it . . . including photographs. I want to be something that is valued; I do not want to reduce my prices because someone says that I'm too expensive . . . one other individual has already told me that (when I was only charging $35) and I have an upcoming session with them. :) My point is that people will pay for something they value. The more they pay, the more they will value that "thing." The less they pay, the less they will value your images or your talent. I am not promising that my prices will stay at $50/session, in fact, I promise they will not. The more experience I gain and the more in-demand I am, my prices will also increase . . . in other words, my value will also be increasing. Oh, and please know that studio photography and lifestyle photography are two totally different things; it's like comparing the colors black and white. So, please don't turn me down and head to Sears for a price list . . . that's an insult to me! ;) At least let me refer you to another lifestyle photog. :)

I'm-always-right

2010-10-02T10:31:00.000-07:00

~~Revenge~~ Being proved right is sweet.
A couple weeks ago, Josh's car caught on fire on his way home from work. It's a long story. BUT, he is okay and to fix his car, it only costed $8 (only under-hood damage). While he was fixing his car, he was driving mine. Since his commute is an hour and 15 minutes, I have been warning him that I either: 1) needed my tires realligned and changed; 2) needed air in my tires until he could reallign the tires. Well, I was talking to him on his way to work yesterday and he said, "Oh shoot, I think I have a flat." First thing that I thought was haha, told you so! Next thing he says is "Well, there goes your hub cap." Dang it! If he only had listened to me. :) He pulled over on the interstate to change the tire; no jack. So, he called his dad to see what he should do (get it towed by their family friend, call my insurance [he's not covered under mine]). He knew that if he had called my insurance, my 24 hour road-side assistance might be voided since a covered driver was not driving it. Fortunately, his dad was able to leave work and bring him a jack BUT my spare was flat (go figure). So, his dad let him borrow the vehicle, drop him back off at work, drop my tire off for service, come pick me up (and a jack!), go pick the tire up, drive back out to my vehicle, change my tire, and I just followed him home.
Needless to say, both cars now have new tires and have been realligned. :) Oh, and this isn't the first time he's had to pay for his stubborn "I'm-always-right" attitude.

Behind fears

2010-09-29T17:03:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned previously, me pursuing photography has definitely had it's run of uncertainties and I have just flat out been nervous to give it my all and give myself to it. What if I'm not as good as I think I am? What if people think I am the worst photographer in the world? What if I only get clients by asking them, hey, uh can I take some photos of you? But, I heard another photgrapher say to "creat your own game;" if I create my own game, using my own pieces, I will not have to measure up to someone else and will always come up on top. This game is called mine. I have no option but to win. Plus, if I have God's blessing, I will do nothing but grow and be the best that I can . . . at the work of His hand.

Here is my game plan:
-Remember that I am doing this because I have a passion for it (despite of "bad shoots")
-Put myself "out there" and be daring . . .
-. . . but be willing to fail
-Remember my style and not change it for anyone.
-be myself and not be afraid of people not liking my technique. Those that like it, like it and those that don't, don't
-Listen to His voice and follow His lead.

So, here's what I have done. First of all, I've created a page on Facebook for people to "like" and keep in touch and hear updates about how things are going with this passion I am pursuing. Second, I have deleted my LeilaniNicole Photography blog; I want people to get to know the real me . . . not a censor for a blog about photography (after all, that's what my future website will be for). Third, I am just going to dive in; I am not going to hide behind my fears. I am going to chase after this as though I am certain God wants me here and I will give it my all. People don't grow hiding behind fears.

Stop looking.

2010-09-24T09:39:00.000-07:00

My and my Lover's conversation last night went a little like this:

Me: Baby, I really wish you could understand how much I feel like God is showing provision with me wanting to do photography.

Him: I understand. Just make sure you continually pray about it.

Me: Ever since talking to Krissy that one day, I really have been and ever since, I have felt more encouraged and feel like every time I turn around, more doors are opening for me.

Him: Is this really what you want to do? You have a passion strong enough to want to do photography for as long as God enables you?

Me: Yes.

Him: Alright. Stop looking for a job. Continue working on your photography and stay at Omni until God moves you somewhere else. This is where you are now and God has provided this for you.

Me: *crying* Really? You're really supporting me with this?

Him: *kisses my forehead* Yes.

And the conversation above is just another example of why I am marrying this guy.

Thank you, Father.

Finding peace

2010-09-23T15:31:00.000-07:00

Since my last post, I've been doing a lot of talking to God. I've been asking Him to point me in the right direction and lead me where He wants me. I'm tired of stressing about where I'm going to work (and be a sufficient provider to my future family), how I'm going to use my degree, etc. I'm done. I've prayed, asked God to provide, and I'm leaving it in His hands.
Since I've been praying about this, I've been feeling more and more confident in my photography; visualizing myself in the future being successful; having peace knowing that I am exactly where He wants me. The only problem is that I do not want to get my dreams mixed with His desires. I want to be 100% sure that I am listening to His voice and not the little voices in my head saying this is right.
Since praying about this, I've been given the most encouraging words, photography advice, and "plans" in ways people want to use me. I've been thinking big. Really big. From out of nowhere, I've been feeling sooo inspired and have so much hope for my photography busines. But, please God, if this is not for me, I pray that you would shut this door and guide me to the door that you've had waiting open for me. In fact, what if where I am now is exactly where He wants me? That would be pretty sweet!

In the mean time, I will continue trying to bring in clientele and get people aware of what LeilaniNicole Photography is. I am pretty sure that God will make Himself crystal clear . . . I find sooo much peace in knowing that.

I thank God

2010-09-21T18:45:00.000-07:00

Remember that job that I was so eager to hear back from? Well, I didn't get it. And guess what, I thank God. Remember the job before that, that I was eager to hear back from? Well, you already know that I didn't get it (and turned the new offer down) and . . . yup, you guessed it, I thank God. I thank God because he has placed other people in those positions . . . people that He wants in those positions. I thank God because the girl (a girl I know) that got the first position I applied for loves it; looking back, I cannot see myself in that position. A woman that has been unemployed (and is much older than I am) got the second position. I am glad. I have a job right now and she doesn't. This all means that God has different plans for me; plans that I will love, enjoy, and be thankful for.
I was talking to my boss today and she told me that she has plans for me: stay at Omni, doing photography on the side, get married, and have a baby. Ha! Those plans sound great to me . . . that would be awesome if those are the plans that God has in mind, too. At this point in my life, I love where God has placed me. I love that God has placed a new passion in my heart (photography) and it would be amazing to be able to chase that passion wholeheartedly. Plus, I can't really complain about my boss, either.

A side note, I just finished editing my best friend, Errika's maternity photos. They are at leilaninicole.zenfolio.com/errikamaternity Check them out! And as always, if you know someone that needs photos done, share me with them! ;-]

I know that

2010-09-21T09:08:00.000-07:00

Often times we forget exactly how big God is. We (more specifically, I) worry about the smallest things and try figuring out ways to put our hands in the issue, stir it up, and see what outcome we will get. We forget to pray and ask God for His help . . . and when we do pray and don't get the answer on our timing, we make an attempt at playing God again (only to find ourselves in the same hole!).
After reading another blog today, I was reminded that God is big. He knows what we need before we even know what we need; He's working on our prayers before they even leave our lips. One thing that I've been learning though, is that we need to show God our need and dependency for Him; sure, he knows, but it takes a whole lot more for us to put our faith into practice.

I am recently engaged. My fiance works in the construction business and because this is the down time, he could be getting laid off any day now. I work but not getting the best pay; I cannot find another job that I am even remotely interested in . . . or even know where God wants me. We are planning a wedding and trying to pay off bills. I want to live in something we can call our own. I want to start a family as soon as possible. The problem with all of this is that my faith is not big enough to bring me through these worries. My God is, though. I know that.

I finally have it back . . .

2010-09-17T15:20:00.000-07:00

and it's shinier and blingi-er than I remembered! :-] I now feel like yeah, that's right! I'm engaged. Uh-huh! I like people knowing that I'm engaged to this good-looking fella. Mine. Forever. ;-]

I don't know if I mentioned this already, but I started reading a book called Inviting God to Your Wedding (by Marsha Williamson) and I highly recommend it to any woman getting married. The book talks about the difference God makes when you include Him in your wedding plans (hence, Inviting God . . . ). From a Christian perspective, the author also talks about whether certain wedding "traditions" are in fact traditions, or faithless superstitions, moving on from the past (and past relationships), the importance of celibacy, etc. I have been reading a chapter a night and feel good after reading it. It's definitely thought-provoking and helps you look at your wedding day at a whole different perspective. I like that she covers everything from A to Z . . . something that all of those wedding books, magazines, websites, checklists (blah!) do not cover. Plus, she is nudging women (and men) to invite God to their wedding and advising how to establish and keep a relationship going with Him throughout the entire marriage. I can't wait to finish this book and apply it to our wedding!

Can't go wrong with inviting our Creator, the One who knows all, to your wedding. ;-]

e-session plan

2010-09-16T09:01:00.000-07:00

So, now that we've been engaged for almost 3 weeks (so weird!), we have finally made plans for our engagement photos. My cousin, Ray will be doing them for us at Navy Pier next weekend; I am so excited! I am still trying to figure out what to wear . . . I think I want to do a dress and heels for some and then a more casual outfit for the others. I just want Josh and me to look purrrty! ;-] We don't have any pictures of us that are frame-worthy, so this is going to be fun! I'm wondering how this will go with a photog shooting a photog; I'm afraid I might be too "try this," "don't do that," "shoot at this range," blah blah blah. It's kind of just how I am haha!
But then again, I don't know how I'll be able to take pictures without my engagement ring, a locked jaw, and a "crook" in my neck. I'm just pretty broken down right now . . . hopefully all of those problem will be fixed by the end of this weekend!

500+ memories

2010-09-11T15:17:00.000-07:00

I just finished going through all of my photos on Facebook and right clicking them and 'save as' onto my computer. They have to be restored since *sniff sniff* all of my other photos were stolen; but we won't talk about that because I've learned to just let it go and move on. BUT, as I was going through 500+ photos, I felt like I was going through this emotional rollercoaster ride. Here are some things I learned and felt:
1) I looked so much better last Summer when I weighed 129.
2) Some time soon, I need to get back to Indonesia and rescue my heart.
3) I need to go back to Naples, FL and rescue the other piece of my heart.
4) Josh's muscles are/were enough to make me melt.
5) On that topic, I've got one very handsome fiance.
6) Josh and I have changed so much (looks wise).
7) We were not very active this Summer.
8) I cannot and will not look the way I do now on our wedding day.
9) Me and my Lover have been lots of places together.
10) I've been to 3 weddings in such a short time-period.
11) My nephew is pretty much a grown man now. Nooo!
12) While writing this list, I am thinking about how much I want to give my fiance a kiss and eat ice cream . . .

Something . . .

2010-09-08T16:52:00.000-07:00

. . . has been tugging at my heart since the engagement. No, wait, let me reword that: Someone has been tugging at my heart since the engagement. For example, I typically listen to a lot of secular music; anything from country to rap to Christian music. But, in the past week and a half, I have had the strongest desire to listen to Christian music. Music that glorifies the God that brought Josh and I together. I have no desire to listen to secular music, in fact, I am kind of grossed out by secular music. I am going to be honest, my relationship with God has not been the greatest. I wouldn't consider myself "running" after Him, it's more like a slight jog, then seeing something on the side of the road that distracts my jog . . . then remembering what I was supposed to be doing. It's been cold, inconsistent, blah. But . . . something in my heart is stirring. Stirring to put on my armor, get as close as I possibly can, and follow my God. Follow my God because He is ready to prepare me, my future marriage, and my commitment to my future husband more than ever. I want to go into this marriage knowing that I have a strong relationship with God; a relationship that is inseperable; a relationship that will create a "oneness" with God where I cannot be easily distracted by things on the side of the road, but continue running after Him as though my entire life and marriage depend on it.
My future husband deserves nothing less than a godly woman that he can trust with his entire life.

Now, if I could only find which road He is on, waiting for me to begin running behind Him.

Interview and naked finger

2010-09-07T07:36:00.000-07:00

I don't know which I feel more sick about: the interview I have today for the second most perfect job for me (at least, at this point in my life), or that I have to give my ring back to the jeweler until probably Monday.

I am just very nervous about this interview because I've only got one shot to prove myself to be the best candidate for a position that would be sooo perfect for me. Not only will I have a new job, but I'll be able to keep the old; I'll be working 60 hours a week, but hey, I am planning a wedding now! ;-] Actually, maybe that's why I am so nervous. Work is getting slow for Josh and I know that him being laid off is right around the corner and I am not the most patient person . . . we have a lot of planning to do in order to lock in our wedding more than a thousand miles away. We can really use the money.
Come to think of it, after the 3 interviews I had for that other position, back in May, you would think that I would be an interviewing pro. This should be a piece of cake, right?

Or, maybe I'm just sad that I have to give my ring back to the jeweler today since my diamond is loose. Before the proposal, Josh got the ring sized and it seems that they forgot to tighten the prongs. I noticed that it was kind of loose on Saturday; when I told Josh he told me, "It's not loose," but after he really looked at it, he agreed. We went to the mall and showed it to the jeweler and she was going to take it that day. It wasn't even going to ship out 'til today! No, ma'am! I would like to wear my ring for as long as I can . . . why would I want it to sit at the mall for 4 days, waiting for service?! So, we are going to drop it off tonight and they say that they will "rush" it, but I wouldn't bank on that. I am not happy about my soon-to-be naked finger. :-/ But, I suppose I'd rather have a naked finger than to lose my diamond. It's only 6 days. It's only 6 days. It's only 6 days.

Perfect magnolia

2010-09-05T13:45:00.000-07:00

Today, I went to the Jubilee Days with my mom. It's an annual Labor Day celebration in our town with local arts and crafts vendors, food, a parade, fireworks and lots of other fun things. As we were leaving, I saw this painting. Wait . . . I fell in love with this painting. I have never, ever seen a painting that I had to have. When I saw this, I immediately thought This is the perfect painting for me and Josh's future bedroom. I don't know what color scheme we will have, but no matter what it is, this painting will go beautifully with.

The woman selling her work was in her late 80's or maybe even her 90's. On every single piece of art she had, she had her signature along with a Bible verse. As I was standing, staring at this painting, deciding how I Earth I was going to be able to pay $40 for it with a $10 bill in my pocket, people were walking by making comments on her work and she told them that on each piece of her work, was a Bible verse and when people complimented her on a painting, she recited the verse. For the 5-10 minutes I was standing there, she must have recited about 5-7 verses. Her reciting the verse wasn't the only beautiful thing, but just by her glancing at the painting, she knew what verse she chose for that piece. The verse placed on my piece is a reminder of how awesome God is; how perfect He has made everything. Her work had me sold. Her being a Christan woman made it even better. With there being Bible verses carefully placed on each piece made them perfect.

Genesis 1:31a -- God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.

Yankee Candle. Amazing.

2010-09-05T09:46:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my Yankee Candle exhibit. Oh, you prefer "cheaper" candles? Gasp! Maybe you have never gone through a season with the real, pure smell of one of these guys. It's possible that my addiction doesn't rest in the candles themselves, but the feeling I get one I light one up and it automatically brings me to that season. See, for each season, I've got about 2 favorite scents; if one of my candles gets discontinued, I won't only write a hate letter to Yankee, but that season will no longer be in existence to me.

For Spring, I'm not really that picky because Spring is probably my least favorite season and if it never happened, I wouldn't really mind. But, this past Spring, I burned "Drift Away" and also purchased "Beautiful Day" but never burned that one although it smells really good.

When Summer draws near, there is nothing that can really make it seem closer than burning "Macintosh & Peach," "Macintosh," or "Beach Walk." Yes, all three. Not at the same time, but kind of in their turn. If you noticed, Macintosh isn't in my inventory . . . that one just doesn't last more than a week with me because I never blow it out. But, I do keep the Macintosh car fresheners. All the time. In fact, that's what is in my car every season except Fall.

Fall. Oh. My. Gosh. Fall is my favorite, favorite, favorite season. I love how warm and cozy Fall feels. I love wearing jeans and a hoodie when I go out, but I would rather sit in the house with my candles lit and watch a movie. But, my favorite Fall candles are "Pumpkin Spice," "Autumn Fruit," and I just found another that I like (and was on sale) called, "Autumn Leaves." I only have the car freshener for that one. I am sooo eager to burn my Pumpkin Spice candle (and eat pumpkin cheesecake, pumpkin bread, and sleep all day), but I will not allow myself to do that until the first day of Fall. Otherwise, every day will be Fall for me. Even in July.

Winter is another one of those seasons that will not exist if Yankee didn't exist. I think that God intended the scents of Winter to be captured only by Yankee Candle. My favorite Winter scents are "Mistletoe" and "Christmas Eve." There is no way Winter would be Winter without that Mistletoe candle. Amazing.

And if you've got a man in your life that hates those "girly" candle scents or is just afraid to light a candle in fear of another male friend coming over unexpected, the perfect scents for him are "Midsummer's Night" and "Mountain Lodge;" both of those are manly, cologne-y scents. My man chooses those two for his car fresheners. :-]
I just realized that I am beginning to sound like a commercial or advertisement for Yankee Candle. Eek! I mean, if Yankee wants to give me free candles for writing this, e-mail me for my address! ;-]

It's all coming together

2010-09-02T18:02:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago, a friend of mine posted something on her Facebook that she was leaving her position at the high school and was eagerly looking for someone to replace (to refer to the principal) her because she wants to be a stay-at-home mommy. So, I asked her about the position, applied, and waited. Well, yesterday I got a call from the vice-principal asking if I was still interested in coming in for interview. The catch: I've known him since 7th grade! He was my gym teacher 7-8th grade and my dean 9-12th grade; so, he knows me pretty well. :-] Oh and *fogging nails, wiping them on my shirt* he said I was one of his favorite students. Hopefully this means something for me! haha I will be going in for my interview on Tuesday. Oh, I forgot to mention the best part: I will be able to keep the job I have now, too! BUT, as I've learned before, I will not be counting my eggs before they hatch. I will just be praying that God opens and shuts doors as He sees deemed . . . just as He's done before. I like it that way. ;-]

Also, I was thinking . . . If I get this job, I will have teacher's hours, which means no August 13th wedding. Not to mention, Josh's sister and dad both work for/in schools and for the construction business, August is the most difficult with turning projects over. What were we thinking for this to work out? We want to be able to take 2 weeks off of work to get married, go on our honeymoon, and settle into our new place of residence, so August just will not work out with ours or our family's work schedules. SO, this means that it is highly possible for us to have a July wedding! That means sooner! :-] I briefly mentioned all of this to Josh over the phone while he was on his way home from work, so he probably didn't really soak in all that I was saying so we'll definitely have to sit down together with our families and figure out what works best for all of our schedules. He reminded me to be open-minded for dates but I WILL NOT have a wedding later than August. I just won't. He needs to be my husband sooner than later. Plus, I can't take time off work, the vice told me so. ;-] It's either July or December and he must be crazy if he thinks I want to wait until December 2011!

Watching this whole thing come together (our engagement and possible job placement) is just a small reminder that God has us exactly where He wants us and nothing is more comfortable than that. ;-]

The ring!

2010-09-01T20:30:00.000-07:00

And here she is! :-] . . . Oh yeah, and my new fiance, too!

More engagement details

2010-09-01T17:31:00.000-07:00

I wanted to come here and share some more information about the engagement that didn't really fit in with the story (and that's too cool not to tell!). So, you know how I just got back from Tennessee with Josh? Well, that's not the way our anniversary was supposed to go. He went into the jeweler's the Monday before our anniversary and bought the ring and needed it sized. He told the lady that he needed the ring done before Thursday because he had proposal plans. I guess he already purchased plane tickets for us to go to Florida and he was going to propose to me on the 12th, the day before our anniversary. BUT, he got a call on Tuesday saying that the ring wouldn't be done until Wednesday night. On Wednesday, he got a call saying the ring wouldn't be done until Thursday night. So, there went his plans! Haha, so, he got his money back for the plane tickets and planned for Tennessee instead. I don't know how in the world he held that in!! I am not good at keeping these kinds of surprises in, but evidently he is. So, when we got back from Tennessee, he picked up the the ring a couple days later.

This past Saturday, Josh and I planned on going to Chicago and spending the day there at Navy Pier; we were more than half way there, but because we both were tired from washing our cars all day, we decided to turn around and go Sunday instead. After he proposed and we were talking, he told me that he really pushed for us to skip Saturday and come back Sunday because he didn't bring the ring with him. He did not want to miss the perfect opportunity to propose, so he wanted to go Sunday. Haha! Then on Sunday, he said that there were lots of "chances" to propose, but he wanted to wait for something more . . ."perfect." And right before I said Just propose to me already he said a very quiet prayer, asking God to please open doors and make this moment that moment. He thought it was funny because literally 2 seconds later, I told him that. It gave him the perfect opportunity to propose; and let me tell you what, I would not have changed that for a proposal in sunny Florida on the beach. Never. The entire proposal played out so well and simple . . . exactly the way I imagined.

Now, people keep asking if we've got the day picked out yet. For those that know me and Josh, since like day 2 of us being together, we've always said, "August 13, 2010," but obviously that did not happen, so we have decided on August 13, 2011. We have also decided (and have talked about for a long time) on a destination wedding in Hawaii with our immediate families (mom, dad, brother, sisters). We are both more than willing to sacrifice that huge, expensive, traditional wedding and beautiful reception for the chance to get our families together, bonding, spending time together, and becoming one; after all, that's what matters in the end, right? We are still going to have a nice wedding in Hawaii, but only with the 9 of us. ;-] But, we've also decided that after we come back from our Honeymoon, we will have a large get-together/casual reception for everyone to celebrate our marriage with us.

Josh has our planning under some restraints, though. Haha, he said that we can't plan anything until this Sunday ("Just give us a week to enjoy this right now."). On Saturday, we are going to open a joint savings account and put ourselves on a so-called payment plan to get us right where we need to be to meet our wedding budget. On Sunday, I will begin to share lots more details with you all! I can't wait! I just want to lay out a budget, get an idea about pricing, plans, etc. But, in order to fill this "itch" I have, he at least bought me a destination wedding book and a magazine. :-]

P.S.: Tonight I will post a picture of the ring. Dunn dunn dunnnnn! ;-] Also, this is where I will be sharing most of the wedding planning and lots of other details, so if you want in on the scoop, click the follow button on the side and check back often; I don't want to be one of those annoying people always updating my status about wedding this and wedding that. Might get annoying to those that don't care one bit. :-]

We're engaged!!!!!!!!!!

2010-08-30T19:53:00.000-07:00

Finally! You know what I'm talking about! I no longer have to wish and hope and dream about the proposal. ;-] I am officially soon-to-be Mrs. Joshua Staples!!!! Woot woot!!!! If my computer weren't charging, I would still be running around the house screaming and dancing . . . and posing with my new ring in the mirror! ;-]

Yesterday, Josh and I spent the entire afternoon hanging out at Navy Pier. The weather was perfect; the breeze was perfect; the Summery, warm, comfortable feeling of the day couldn't have been better. We walked around Navy Pier and decided to take a seat on one of the benches. I kicked my legs over his, he layed his arm across my shoulders and we just hung out and flirted. Not just any kind of flirting; the kind of flirting where I have to ask myself, Have we really been dating for 5 years? the kind of flirting that stirs butterflies in my stomach. I was cuddled in his arms and simply enjoying the moment for what it was. After we both could no longer fight our hunger feeling, we agreed to grab dinner at Harry Caray's. While eating dinner, I told him, You know that day that I've been wanting all Summer? The day where we just hang out, walk hand-in-hand with our ice cream cones, enjoying each other's company? This is that day. This day is so perfect it seems unreal. He just smiled. Shortly after, I told him, Babe, I just want you to know that I don't even need a ring. As long as I can have your last name, I am perfectly okay with that. He just laughed and said "Yeah right!"
After dinner, we rode the ferris wheel and then were determined to find a bench amongst the tons and tons of people standing around waiting for a bench to clear to watch the fireworks. We found the perfect bench and were sure that there wasn't a better seat at Navy Pier. After the fireworks were over, I stood up and was ready to go since he had work the next morning and we had a long ride home, but Josh asked, "What time is it?" 9:12, I said. "Sit back down, we still have some time to hang out." So, we decided just to hang around and enjoy the perfect, warm breeze and that special moment that is so difficult to duplicate. He had his arm around my shoulders and I kicked my feet up on the bench, leaned my back into his side, rested my head on his chest and nestled in closely to him.

Why don't you just propose to me already? Hey, wouldn't it be so cool if when you . . . And I was cut off by Josh placing this beautiful diamond ring in front of me. I quickly gasped for a breath, turned around and looked at Josh, who was already on his knee. Babe, are you serious?
"Ashley Leilani-Nicole Couch, I love you sooo much. Will you marry me?" And the only word that could come out of my mouth was Yes. I grabbed him in the tightest hug and just started crying. Crying because I couldn't have imagined a more perfect moment, on a more perfect day, with the most perfect guy I have ever met. I couldn't believe that the moment I had been waiting for for so long had finally just happened. The ring that he placed on my finger was THE perfect ring.

I just kept hugging him, looking at him, and kissing him . . . and repeated about 30 times haha! He said, "If I would have known I was going to get this many kisses, I would have asked sooner!" So we just sat around, talked about what each other was feeling, assuring him that the ring was absolutely perfect, and promising that I didn't know he had a jewelry box in his side pocket. Any of you that know me know that I ask Josh every day When are we getting engaged? Is the day any closer? Are we going to be engaged by ______? Have you even purchased the ring yet? What does my ring look like? You already know the day you're going to ask me? I am just the biggest eager beaver when it comes to wanting to be his fiance. So for me to tell him, Why don't you just propose to me already? was just another comment/question that the day couldn't end without. But, I did not expect him to take me literally! :-]

I still cannot believe that he is my fiance! It really hasn't hit me, I don't think. I can't believe that within the next year we will be shopping for wedding bands, looking for a place to live, joining our bank accounts (YES! I mean . . . ), looking for wedding attire, looking at furniture and appliances . . . taking steps to sharing the same last name . . . eeeek, it sounds amazing!!!!!

And for those of you that are curious, the ring is a 1.5 carat solitaire. ;-] Yipeeee!!!! Homie did good!!!

8.41'

2010-08-27T21:06:00.000-07:00

I've got to have my moment to shine. Will you let me? Okay, well I mentioned a couple posts ago that I started the Biggest Loser program at work. One of the challenges this week was to log in your fastest mile on the treadmill. Let me begin by saying that I usually run my mile on 5.5 speed, so it takes me about 12 minutes to finish and when I'm close to the end, I'm ready to just let the belt throw me off because I'm dead. Well . . . on Wednesday, I looked at the fastest times logged in by other participants and they were 8.29', and 9.22'. I figured that I would give it a shot. I love me some competition. I set the treadmill to 6.5 speed and was pretty sure I was going to die. I felt like my lungs were collapsing and that my head was going to burst. BUT, I made it and logged 9.25'; the fastest time I have ever done in a mile, I'm positive of it. I was not happy with being in third. Sooo I tried again today. Instead, I set my speed to 7.0 and ran that speed the entire time. Want to hear what my final time was? 8.41!!!!!!!! WHY?! I am sooo tempted to try again tomorrow! I was only 12 seconds away from the best time! :-[ But you know what? I already beat my best time. By nearly 3-4 minutes, so this was huge for me. I have to say that I'm proud . . . even though I did come in second.

Here's to being in second . . . and a second week of Biggest Loser! ;-]

Finding my identity

2010-08-27T12:58:00.000-07:00

I am almost positive that I'm having an early mid-life (20's?) crisis; not 100% sure, but almost. You know how when you start junior high, you begin trying to find your identity? You are trying to discover if you fit better with this group or that group; whether it would be cool to do this or if you'd be better off doing that. Whether talking that way would be cuter or if you sound more smart talking that way. If your entire life will change for the better dating this guy or just living for the moment and dating that guy (okay, go ahead and admit you've been there!). Well, I'm sure I'm at that point again, but this time with photography.

Do I make a better photog photographing this way or that?
Heck, can I even consider myself a photog? Am I even "good enough?"
Is this really worth putting in years to see what might happen down the road?
Do I even really want to be doing photography later down the road?
Which direction do I see/feel myself heading? Couples only? Wedding? Children? Family?
Which direction would I feel most comfortable and be most successful in?
Is that piece of equipment worth the investment? Will I even use it or am I just on one of those "highs?"
How can I stop comparing my skill to that photog that's been investing years of time?

Hmm. That list is both scary and not-so-scary. I guess the easy answer is just to practice, apply, and learn, but then again, it scares me to have to really think about all of that. I guess if that photog is where they are, they only got there by having to jump the same hurdles as me. So, I guess it's just watch out world I'm ready to tackle (and think about) whatever jumps at me! Ready, set, here I go!

Courtney // Maternity

2010-08-23T12:43:00.000-07:00

I sent Courtney a text message asking her, Do you mind if I borrow you and your belly for maternity pictures soon? And she immediately said "Yes!" We hadn't seen each other in quite some time, so it sure was nice to catch up and for her to show off her beautiful body for these photos. She did an amazing job and got comfortable in front of the camera so quickly. Thanks for your help, Courtney!

P.S.: Blogger is killing the quality of these photos!

Aaron and Brittany // Family

2010-08-23T12:40:00.000-07:00

I asked these two if I could photograph their beautiful family and without hesitation, they were down! It was a blast sharing this growing experience with them because they were easy to please (and not to mention, one of the best-looking families I've seen!). During their shoot, I told them that either I'm doing pretty good and this whole photography gig or they are making my job way too easy! I think having confidence is key, so I'll go ahead and say that it's a little bit of both. ;-] Enjoy some of the photos!

Vacation, Weight, and Photos

2010-08-19T08:18:00.000-07:00

Me and my Lover are back from our short vacation. We were gone for 4 days, but it went by way too fast. I can't wait until I am able to spend time with him like we did in Tennessee! We had an awesome time reconnecting with each other. He has been working 14-16 hour days and when he gets off, he's too tired to hang out; since the school they are working on needs to be turned over by Monday, he will have a lot more time to hang out . . . which is bittersweet because he will probably be laid off for a while. I mean, the money is sweet, but his body is exhausted and honestly, there is no money good enough for making him feel the way he has. He deserves a good couple of weeks to relax. :-]
Me on the other hand? Well, I have had way too much time to relax. I've been gaining weight, becoming lazy, and eating everything in sight haha. Fortunately, on Monday I am starting the 'Biggest Loser' program at my work and on top of that . . . I will be doing Weight Watchers. Again. I know, I know. You are probably thinking "Again?" But really, I have never weighed this much and have never felt this gross. I need to lose this weight some way or another and it won't be happening with me laying around and eating fast food. We will see how this goes. :-]
On another note, I just got my new laptop this week! It has been a relief since I've been doing several sessions and have not been able to edit any of the photos. So, I plan on editing the first session by this weekend and start chipping away at the other two before my next 3 sessions this month. Eek! :-] But, I just purchased a Zenfolio account, so as soon as I have these photos edited, my clients will be able to go online, view, and purchase whichever they like. I'm really excited about it! So, as I've said before, if you know anyone interested in finding (or trying out) a new photographer, shoot them my way!

Maybe next time you hear from me, you will have a few photos to taste from my first session!

Road Trip!

2010-08-11T14:24:00.000-07:00

Our 5th anniversary is this Friday and he gave me two options: 1) fly to Orlando or Naples, FL for 4 nights or 2) take a road trip to any place I want. What did I choose? ROAD TRIP! We've been to Florida before. I love Florida, but I wanted something a little more relaxing. I feel like with so much going on around us, it's more like us just hanging out and that ends up resulting in us just "being there" with each other. With it being a milestone for us, him working so much and us not doing a single thing this Summer exciting, I wanted something more us. :-] So, I told him that I wanted to go visit the Smokies and he was so up for the idea! The only catch was that he took off work Thursday-Sunday (which in itself was a huge deal), so that means that I had to somehow get off work Thursday, too (thank you sooo much, Krissy!). So, we made some reservations, paid for our rental and we're leaving tomorrow morning! I cannot wait! :-] I love, love, love, love Tennessee!!! I just might not come back! I'm so glad that I have my camera because I'm going to take a gazillion photos of everything. :-D And ony our list of things to do: ziplining, horseback riding, and hiking! I will share lots of photos with you when we get back!

Here I come

2010-08-05T09:00:00.000-07:00

I've noticed things about my blog. Not really good things, but not bad things either. This area is supposed to be a reflection of my life: my feelings, things going on, my faith, struggles, etc. It hasn't been. I've made a habit of blabbering on about what's going on day-to-day, but not what's going on inside. As far as I know, I don't have any new readers, but if I did, they probably wouldn't know the real Ashley. They wouldn't know my deep struggles, the things that keep me awake at night, the things that I can't "shake off." Matter of fact, you probably don't either. I haven't been sharing the real me. I wouldn't necessarily say that I am being fake, because I have been sharing real things with you all, but I haven't been sharing the important things. I think that it because once I write them, they are absolutely true and not just a figment of my imagination or something that I am currently working on but instead a real life problem.

My number one struggle right now is my faith. I am a firm believer in Christ and I would not doubt for a minute that I am truly saved. I believe in my heart that God raised his Son from the grave and I confess with my mouth that Jesus is Lord . . . that's all it takes to be saved. I think that I have taken advantage of the comfortable life of a Christian and have not been living my faith out loud or making sacrifices that I know would make my God proud to call His own. I have not read my Bible in more than 6 months and have not prayed a real prayer in longer than that. I've been such a negative person with a very pessimistic outlook on life and me and I am so sure that me and Josh's relationship is the number one reflection of how my relationship with God (and myself) is at any given moment. God is love. God teaches love. Without God, you cannot truly love. I have noticed how my lack of love with God has had an influence with everyone around me, including myself. I have been in the crabbiest, most unpleasant mood that I cannot change no matter what I try. I have tried filling this void with things that are "scientifically" supposed to work like tanning, shopping, sleeping, etc. But to be honest, nothing can fill the void of the absence of God in one's life. What do I think I'm doing? I tend to think Ah, I'm not that far from God. I can get back to Him if/when I want to. But, that's Satan's lies. He wants me to think I am in good standing with God. He wants me to think that things aren't "that bad." What he doesn't want is for me to grow in my relationship with God. Everything that I'm feeling is what he's feeling because he knows that he's doing a darn good job at it. He's kept his lies up long enough and kept me from my God long enough and I feel like it's time to bring this to an end.

I often think about His Word as a love letter to me. He wrote that love letter for me to read and be inspired, praise Him, turn to Him, love Him. That letter has been sitting there, on my nightstand, for months and months, left unopened. If Josh were to write me a letter, you better believe that I would tear that thing open, full of eagerness to hear what he wants to tell me; hear how much he loves me; hear about our plans for the future. I would never let a letter from Josh sit that for months and months on end. How could I? How could I think that what Josh has to say is more important than what my Creator has to say?

I need to find true love and happiness and I know that I have been looking in the wrong spot . . . but I see something right there, poking around the corner, waiting for me to go pick it up. Here I come.

What was I thinking?

2010-08-03T09:51:00.000-07:00

I don't know what I was thinking, but I did. I thought it, I acted it out, and now I'm really wishing I didn't. I am standing at the edge of a deep, deep hole, ready to jump in, not even sure what's at the bottom of it. Probably a big ol' pile of dog mess, but hopefully something a lot more pleasant . . .and smells a whole lot better.

. . . I am building my photography portfolio and need your help! You will get a digital copy of your photos and I can hook you up on prints. The first 3 couples, 2 families, and momma and her baby that send me a message will get first dibs! Now, have at it! ;-] . . .

So, there I was. A little over an hour later and I have myself 2 photoshoots a week through August. I suppose it's a very good thing since I need to get the practice in as soon as possible. This will be like a photog boot camp! :-] My goal is to get the shoot done, edit the photos, and get them posted on an online gallery for them to view and purchase. Speaking of which, I am trying my hardest not to say negative things like Ha, if they are even good enough to buy or I'm not even good enough to jump in this hole. But, I know that I will only be as good and I think I am. I need to get all of this negative mentality cleared and think positive, be daring, try some new things, and just be me. Over the next year, I want to see myself grow and develop in ways that I cannot even imagine now. I've got the most encouraging, supportive boyfriend that anyone could ask for and with him alone, I should not have any excuses for not following through on my dreams.

Well, here's to a busy month and lots of growth!

choo choo twains and sunny days

2010-08-02T11:33:00.000-07:00

I don't really get to see my handsome nephew anymore since he and his mommy moved out of our home; so, when I do get to see him, you better believe all of my attention and energy are focused on him. Since, mommy was working this weekend, we had the honor to watch (and spoil) him. I don't know if I've mentioned before, but this little bugger is obsessed with "choo choo twains." So, me, my mom, and step-dad took him on the train to Chicago and headed to Navy Pier. And as if the hour train ride wasn't enough, when we got to Navy Pier, the first thing he spotted was the Thomas the Train ride. He rode that. 3 times.
I don't know how we managed to do it, but we got him on the ferris wheel . . . he loved it, but would not let us let go of him to sit him next to us. I don't blame him; that ferris wheel feels like it's miles high. So, in my opinion, he was actually pretty brave. :-] I got lots of pictures, but since the loss, I can't load them on here. :-[

Yesterday, we took him to the county fair. He saw and got to pet the pigs, goats, and horses (cows. haha, still working on that!). A couple months ago, he went to another fair and played that game where you throw the balls into the small jars and can win a goldfish; he won a goldfish and surprisingly, it is still alive. When you ask him where you got the fish, he says "That's my fish. Throw balls!" Well, of course, they had a couple of those booths set up and he insisted on playing that game. Needless to say, after $10, we didn't go home with a fish this time. While at the fair, he rode the carousel and a car-ish carousel (4 times!). He probably would have ridden the twain ride a bajillion times if I didn't convince him it was broken (thank goodness his balloon popped and grabbed his attention when it came riding passed us!). Since we spent so much time dilly-dallying around, we missed the demo derby show. He would have really enjoyed that, but maybe next year. ;-] The sun probably wore him out anyway after sitting in it for 2 straight days.

And I thought I'd give you an update: the insurance said we should have the itemized list and a check in the mail by early this week! Yay! Oh, and Josh said that we are separating the money that we get back from each of our stolen items because he "needs it for something." Hmm . . .? It's most likely not what I think it is, but it's fun to entertain the thought. ;-] This means that I'll have a new laptop hopefully by next week! Then, back to rebuilding my photo albums since they were all stolen. ;-[

I can't wait

2010-07-28T19:46:00.000-07:00

You already know that Josh and I have been together for quite some time (well, nearly 5 years to be more clear), and I talk a lot about being engaged to him. Okay, maybe not on here because I don't want to seem like a crazy, mad, obsessive woman, but ask the people I encounter on a regular basis. ;-]

Today, I told Josh, I really can't wait until we're engaged! and he replied, "And then when we're engaged, you'll say 'I can't wait until we are married.'" So I laughed and told him, Yeah, you're right. Of course, since he knows me so well, he tells me, "Then, when we're married, you'll be saying, 'I can't wait to have babies!'" Haha, then I'll be saying that I can't wait until these babies are out of the house and we're on our own again. Here's the scary part: Josh finishes by telling me, "And then, when our babies are out of the house and we're old together, you'll tell me 'I can't wait until we're in heaven together.'"

I guess, that last part is probably very true, but very scary at the same time. I'm always looking forward to the next big thing, the next life-changing event to occur and I'm kind of overlooking what's in front of me now. Josh and I are sooo happy together, and sure, being married will enable us to do a lot more, but what's wrong with living in the now, right now? Times flies and I don't want to be one of those old people that look back on their lives and say "Where did it all go?" I want to look back at my life and be completely satisfied with everything and know that God's timing in my life was nothing less than perfect. You know what the cool thing about what Josh said is though? That God will create a whole new earth, and that means that Josh and I will be able to live for eternity. Together. There will be no I can't wait for this. I can't wait for that. God will make us perfect beings and living solely by His will. I told Josh that means that we can have lots and lots and lots of babies since there will be no pain in Heaven. :-]

verses like these

2010-07-27T08:26:00.000-07:00

When I hear verses like these:

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” Psalms 56:8

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139: 13-16

I cannot help but be reminded of how much our God loves us and is really involved in our lives. I don't always feel like God is there or that He is listening to my requests or praises . . . but this . . .this is our reminder. :-]

Mac or PC?

2010-07-23T14:08:00.000-07:00

Because of our loss, eventually, we will have to replace what was stolen. The one thing that I am most wanting to replace as soon as possible is my laptop. I am really, really, really hoping that me and my family's belongings will be recovered, but I won't bank on that. I know that all my pictures cannot be replaced, but I will have to start again somewhere, right? After I first spoke to Josh when all of this occured, he told me that he was thinking about purchasing me a Mac anyway . . . I do not think I can let that happen seeing as how the cheapest Mac they have is $999 and is only a 13" screen. The (PC) laptop that I had stolen was only $875 and had everything I wanted on it (at the time). So, I figured that it might be more wise for me to purchase another Dell with everything I want on it and still be able to keep the price comparatively low. BUT, the only thing that I keep thinking about it how the Mac is pretty much invincible and won't crash, won't get viruses, and are a lot faster than PCs (for editing photos). If I really want to stick with the whole photography thing, maybe it would be best to invest in a Mac. But, if I get another PC, I can invest in the things that weren't on my previous laptop (that I now want), and still keep the price lower than a Mac. The only downside to this whole problem is that we will be replacing two laptops, not only one. :-/

So, what would you suggest? Mac or PC?

This may be an easy one.

2010-07-22T15:55:00.000-07:00

It is no surprise why a home burglary would leave someone feeling scared and paranoid. In their own home. Which, in itself is a feeling that nobody should ever feel. Your home should be your safe-haven; your refuge from everything going on outside in the world. But, when a burglary occurs, all of those warm, comfy, home feelings are kind of thrown out the window. I've been pretty afraid to be home by myself because I have this feeling that whoever did this will return because: 1) our house was an easy target for them; 2) they somehow managed to get past all 4 of our dogs and probably aren't even scared of them anymore; 3) they know what kinds of things we have in our home that might be worth monetary value to them.
People keep telling me that I'm being paranoid . . . well, obvisouly they've never had their home broken into and their belongings stolen from a complete stranger. Because of this so-called paranoia (which I am by no means denying. I am paranoid, but have a legitimate reason to be!), I have my own ways of feeling protected . . . now, a thing I have to discover how to do in my own home.
Yesterday, I saw a family down the street talking with the police so I pulled over and asked if their house was broken into, too and they said that their car was. The cop said that they have their suspicions and gave me some details to look out for. But I am convinced I was a born detective, so I decided to drive around today for about an hour and look for suspicious activity. I didn't find anything too weird, but I was following this kid for a while (from a distance) and ~~ended up losing him~~ decided he wasn't weird (haha!). I'll be doing the same tomorrow. ;-] I'm determined to get my photos back! Oh, hey burgular, you may want to be smart and keep a low profile and not be so obvious, stirring up so much activity! That's how you get caught! This may be an easy one. ;-]

While you're away, the thieves will play

2010-07-20T09:44:00.000-07:00

. . . I came home and she was right, some of my belongings were dumped on my bed and floor while others remained untouched. Me and Josh's laptops, the wii, the PS3, and some controllers were all gone. I couldn't help but kneel on the side of my bed and cry out loud. How could someone do this? Mom was downstairs talking to the insurance company on the phone and Lowell was looking around for more things to add to that awfully long list . . .

I had plans yesterday to babysit a couple towns over and mom and Lowell had off of work because mom had to get dental surgery. I was reminding mom to watch out for the UPS guy to drop off my cell phone (different story, different day!) and waited around as long as I could for him. I was eager to babysit because I could practice my so-called photography skills on the kids; I grabbed my camera bag and headed out the door before I was late. I got to the house where I was babysitting at about 12:45. Mom called that house at about 2:45, on the other end mom was speaking frantically,
"Ashley? Oh, my gosh, when are you going to be home?! Someone broke into our house while we were gone!"
Wait, are you serious?! How the heck did they get in past the dogs?
"They sliced through the kitchen window. There's things dumped all over your room. I need to know what's missing."
Can you go in my room and tell me if some things are there? Is my laptop, wii, or Josh's bags missing?
"None, of that is here. How many bags did Josh have? Please tell me you have your camera with you!"
Oh, my freaking goodness! My laptop is gone? Josh had 3 bags there, how many did they take?!
"There's only one here."
Okay, let me call and see when they'll be home.

I could not contain myself; I just started bawling. My laptop is gone? Every picture of me and Josh from day one is on there. Every picture I have ever taken of Andrew is on there. All the pictures from the family reunion and last weekend are on there. All of my music, schoolwork, resume, is on there. What about Josh's computer? Any picture that I've ever taken is copied on his computer. All of his important documents and computer-programming work are on there. Fortunately, the kids' parents would be home in 30 minutes. Let me tell you, that was probably one of the longest 30 minutes of my life. I could not wait to get home, survey my belongings and be able to talk to Josh.
I came home and she was right, some of my belongings were dumped on my bed and floor while others remained untouched. Me and Josh's laptops, the wii, the PS3, and some controllers were all gone. I couldn't help but kneel on the side of my bed and cry out loud. How could someone do this? Mom was downstairs talking to the insurance company on the phone and Lowell was looking around for more things to add to that awfully long list. Mom was saddened by her jewelry being gone since it was left for her when her mom passed away. Her credit cards and money, laptop, camera, wedding ring, and some other valuable things were gone. Things that could not be recovered. I just could not believe that all of my pictures had been stolen from me. After I gathered myself, it was my turn to make several phone calls. I had to call and suspend my cell phone line, call Dell and gather information and report 3 stolen laptops, call my cell phone insurance company and report a stolen replacement cell phone, and call UPS to see if my package was delivered. I was able to take care of all of that; my phone got suspended, the stolen phone fee was waived, I got the tag numbers for all laptops, and my package would be delivered tomorrow.
As I was cleaning up my room, my mom yelled to me and my step dad, "Guys! Come look what's in my garbage!" We both ran downstairs and in the garbage was one of Josh's laptop bags stuffed with the cheapest of all of the jewelry. We called the cops and they came to the house, took the bag and did fingerprints again. After that, I was finally able to get a hold of Josh and felt so comfortable just letting all of my fear, doubts, and anger out. The moment he said, "Baby, what's done is done. We still have each other and our families. Any picture that was worth showing off is on Facebook anyway. Plus, I planned on getting you a new Mac anyway." Just hearing him speak so calmly with no ounce of worry in his voice dried my tears up quicker than anything else could have. He was right. What's done is done, crying is not going to get me anywhere. I still had my Lover, my Jive, my best friend and any amount of my missing belongings could not come close to what he meant to me; that's all that mattered in that moment.

Today is a new day, but the fears of yesterday still reside in our home. Although Josh stayed with me last night, I could not fall asleep because I just kept replaying the incident in my mind. I wonder what he looked like. I wonder if the dogs went crazy. I wonder how long he was in our house. I wonder what else he took that I/we didn't notice. I wonder who's room he went in first. I wonder if we've seen him in passing before. I wonder what else he saw that he wanted. But most of all, I wonder when he'll decide to come back. Our central air is getting fixed today (after 3 weeks of heck!), so once all of the windows are shut and locked, hopefully he will not try getting in. It's very, very sad when you've got to walk around your own home with caution, wondering if someone is walking around it with you; when you have to think twice about leaving something out or hiding it before leaving; when you have to decide what lock to install on your bedroom door, not in fear of someone in the house getting in, but in fear of someone who doesn't even belong in the house getting in. I feel so violated knowing that someone came into our home, went through our belongings, things we've all worked so hard to buy, and decided what they wanted to claim as their own. It's a sick thing knowing that someone was in my room, going through my belongings, and taking things that have no intrinsic value to them. Their hands touched my door knob, my bed, and their fingers filed through my dresser drawers and they decided what they wanted of mine. Now, my job is to research home security options, call around to the local pawn shops, and I guess it wouldn't hurt to research a new Mac. ;-]
I guess it's lessons like these that make us remember what matters most to us. :-] I'll keep you posted on any further information or findings we come across.

I'll remember that . . .

2010-07-16T14:14:00.000-07:00

I read a blog post the other day that was about finding the best in your husband. Sure, I'm not married yet, but I am madly in love with my little stinker of a boyfriend. :-] Over the past couple of days, I can tell that my attitude has changed towards things that I would have nagged or complained about.

Before I get annoyed by you hanging out with me immediately after work and falling asleep, I'll remember that because of you, we are financially stable and our bills are paid.
Before I get irritated with you not acknowledging that I look nice in a certain outfit or with a certain hair style, I'll remember that you will love me unconditionally, even after the hair and outfit change.
Before I nag to you about not going somewhere fun or different this weekend, I'll remember we had lots of spurts of fun and different throughout the week.
Before I am embarrassed about going out with you wearing wrinkly clothes, I'll remember that you rushed with all you had to hang out ASAP.
Before I start annoying you about proposing to me, I'll remember that you're one of very few men that will wait for God's will to unravel in your life and wait for Him to do the same in mine.
Before I become annoyed and upset that you push me to work out and watch what I eat, I'll remember that you're only going to be as happy with my body as I am . . . but that you'll love me regardless.

I love you (and all of your quirks) so, so, so much, Lover.

Summer's a bad influence!

2010-07-15T08:27:00.000-07:00

Don't worry! I made it back from Michigan alive (well, it was a close one!). Remember me telling you about the Summer being a thief and stealing time? Yeah, well, I don't see an end in sight with its thiefing! Speaking of Summer, I've been feeling a little bit of pressure to lose weight, look thinner, feel better. So, in order to conquer those things, I don't know what I was thinking, but I thought it was a good idea to start the Atkins diet. It sounded like a good idea since you can look 15-20 pounds in a month (and I only want to lose 20!). On top of that, I just started a 4-week bootcamp at the gym I work at. With doing both things to my body, I was guaranteed to end this month looking like a Victoria's Secret model. Or something close. Okay, maybe not. But, I was willing to give it a shot. I made it through the diet 1 day but continued hearing and reading stories about people that lost all of the weight but immediately gained it back plus some. I do not want to run my body through the ringer doing something so extreme. Plus, the Atkins isn't teaching me a "healthy lifestyle;" all that it is, is a crash-diet. So, instead I figured that it would probably be a better idea to watch what I eat, drinks lots and lots of water, no fast-food, no eating past 7 p.m., and working out regularly. Now, that is something that I can do forever. I love me some fried chicken, bread, pasta, popcorn, etc. and I am not willing to give those things up for a lifetime. I want to enjoy life and enjoy the unexpected events that occur and not be so hard on myself for eating a piece of fruit.

Hmm . . . speaking of unexpected events happening, I can't believe that me and Josh will be celebrating our 5-year anniversary in a little less than 1 month! He's planning this one since I planned the last one! Man, it's really exciting and scary! :-]

Tears and Tension

2010-07-10T21:03:00.000-07:00

I was really looking forward to today because of my cousin's wedding; I knew that I would be seeing some family members on my dad's side that I haven't seen in forever. My Aunt told me and Errika that we should be at the church at 10:30 so we figured the wedding began at 11:00. Well, as we pulled in, we were joking about how it would be funny if we walked in right behind the Bride walking down the aisle . . . well, that's exactly what happened, except a little more graceful than how I just made that sound. But, we'll forget about that and act like that never happened . . . haha!
For the reception, we were seated with my Aunt Tiffany and her family and my Grandparents. It was really a "magical" moment, being able to see and talk to my Grandma and Grandpa frog (I call them that) who I haven't see in sooo long. I was basking in the comfort that I was feeling from actually being there, in real life, face-to-face, with family members that I hunger to know more. But, unexpectedly, things kind of took a turn. I asked Grandma When was the last time you talked to Dad? and she said that she hasn't really talked to him too recently but Grandpa has. After about 3 minutes of complete silence passed, my Grandpa says "When was the last time you talked to your dad?" and I had a thinking look on my face and said Oh, gosh, hmmm . . . and he replies "Wow, that's sad you even have to think about it. There's this problem of missed phone calls for Father's Day in this family and it makes me sick!" Immediately, the blood drained from my face and I wanted to crawl under the table and bawl my eyes out. Not from discomfort but because I felt bullied. My Grandpa just made a comment to me about something he has no idea about. Shortly after, Grandpa tells me "Before you leave, I want to talk to you." If I were under the table, I would have dug a hole and crawled a million miles to avoid a conversation that he would know nothing about. Errika asked me if I wanted to go to the bathroom with her and right when we got there, I just started crying. I did not want to be bullied and feel that I had to defend myself from a situation that happened between my dad and me and my Grandpa is only hearing one side of the story.
After I got back from the bathroom, Grandpa told me to sit by him and told me "There are always two sides to every story and I want to hear yours. Why don't you talk to your dad?" So I just gave a thirty second explanation while stumbling through my words, tears, and swelled throat. He seemed to understand and even put his arm around me and said, "It hurts. I know." The conversation wasn't too long because people began leaving the reception and lots of commotion. My Aunt Tiffany, Uncle Matt, and Grandparents invited me and Errika over to Tiffany's house to go swimming . . . so, we accepted. After all, I never see this family.
We enjoyed the time swimming, taking pictures, eating food off the grill, and just enjoying being family. While eating dinner, I proposed to Grandma that a family reunion is in dire, dire need. We tentatively have a reunion planned for Easter weekend 2011 at Grandma's house in Florida. I got all of the Aunt's and Uncle's phone numbers and addresses so that I can send a letter reminding them what is going on. We have almost a year to plan, so there should be no reason for everyone to not be there. I don't know why this idea wasn't thought of sooner? Am I the only one interested to see others in the family?
Now, for the past 4 hours, there has been a big "after party" for the wedding here at my Aunt's house and we've finally been able to slip away and relax without all of the people around. I've got a killer headache and am just so tired from all of the events that happened today. But, in an inexplainable kind of way, I really liked it. :-]

Feels good . . .

2010-07-09T21:24:00.000-07:00

. . . to be back in Michigan but this time with my best friend! We made it here by only using 3/4 tank of gas . . . had to stop to use the bathroom a couple . . . well, kind of a lot of times and I wish I could blame it on the pregnant girl, but I definitely can't. :-] After we got in, we grabbed some lunch at Halo Burger (my favorite place in town) and then I showed Errika around my old stomping grounds. I thought I would stop by my Aunt's house and give it another shot (after a failed attempt last trip); she was home and actually opened her door (imagine that!). Errika and I stayed and hung out with her for about an hour and a half. It was really nice to be able to catch up with her and see how she was doing. I think that the older you get, you begin to treasure those kinds of relationships. :-] She's a nice person and I'm glad that I can call her my "Aunt." After visiting with her for a while, we had to hurry home and get ready for my cousin's wedding rehearsal dinner. There, Errika was able to meet my cousins Jeni and Andrew (who's getting married tomorrow) and Jeni's twin friends (who remind me a lot of Errika and her twin!). We enjoyed the food and conversation. The dinner kind of went by a little fast, which was kind of good because Errika and I are a bit tired from waking at 4:30 to head out.

Now, Errika and I are just winding down this night and here is what I am looking at . . .

A pregnant chick sitting on an air-mattress, eating donuts, and reading a magazine. Gotta love the comfortability of a good friend. :-]

Soaking in sweat

2010-07-08T15:52:00.000-07:00

For the past week, our air conditioner has not been working. That wouldn't be such a bad thing if the weather weren't in the mid-90s all week. I've contemplated begging Josh to rent a hotel room for me. Going a week without a shower (since I'll sweat right away anyway!). Sleeping outside on the table. But then I realized that after I make it through this, I'll finally be prepared for the real world (and probably a little stinky, too)! My step dad has been calling this same company every day since last Sunday and they keep saying "Oh, there's a waiting list. We'll call you back." But, without fail, we keep going to bed sweaty and irritated. Finally, yesterday Josh texted me and asked if mom would get mad if I had an AC hanging out of my window. I told him no, but a portable one would be cooler! But I followed that text by another saying that the guy will be here Friday, I'll be gone, and it will be a waste of money. So, he just brought back a twin window fan. Sweet! It has temperature settings for automatic on and off. I ran that thing for probably 2 hours before we noticed lots of gnats flying around my ceiling fan light. Lots. Yup. The fan sucked all of the outside gants inside my room. That means that we had to find a way to get them out of my room (No! I did not turn my light off, leave my door open, and turn the hallway light on! What kind of person do you think I am?!). Not to mention, the fan got turned off and I cried myself to sleep, soaking in my sweat.

The busy, busy central air guy will be here tomorrow afternoon. I will be gone tomorrow morning. Hopefully to a place as cold as ice.

I love that about us.

2010-07-06T15:46:00.000-07:00

I love him more than I could have ever imagined possible. We make the best team that ever was. We are by no means perfect, but we love each other as though the other is. When I look at or hear about other's relationships, I cannot help but compare what Josh and I have. Sure, it sounds bad, but it's not me comparing what Josh and I do better, just what we do differently. I never would have guessed that I would be able to hold a conversation without arguing, know what "compromise" means, know that it's not all about me, and really, really want to put someone else before me. He has definitely brought out the better in me. Sure, we have our days (and what couple doesn't?), but we can bounce back from any conflict because we know how to empathize and respect one another. Again, this isn't me saying look what Josh and I have but just me reflecting and really seeing and understanding that our love is different than many others. Sometimes when I look at other couples, I think to myself wow, I really liked the way that was done. I can give kudos and I am always thinking of ways to fix "those things" that I don't feel are too functional for us. Josh is an amazing man and literally the most patient person I've ever met. Our personalities work perfectly for the other. There is no one better for me than him and him for me. We just work like that. No one could ever fully understand us. :-] I love that about us.

Family time!

2010-07-06T08:35:00.000-07:00

Well, after 5 years, I think I'm in . . . kinda, sorta, semi. Maybe. Josh's mom snapped at him when he went to the family reunion without me. It was pretty awesome. I was at work when Josh told me that after I get off, me and Errika need to hurry up and get there because the family wants to meet me; that caught me off guard because I was not expecting to go at all. Josh has a rather large family (7 aunts and uncles, I think?) and I've never met any of them since they are all so scattered but it felt good meeting all of the people that he always talks about. It was really cool to meet them and it was cool to have my best friend there with me to "break me in" since it was only going to be me and Josh the following day. It was nice to have a day with Errika, but it felt more . . . I don't know . . . intimate with just Josh and me.
Josh's family is a Christian family and I think that is a really beautiful thing. From what I know of, there is not a single person in my family that is a Christian, so to see a family having the most important thing in common is awesome. Josh and I were talking about how valuable it is to be sure that you instill your Christian values and morals into your kids strongly so that you aren't losing it from generation to generation. You want the values to be just as strong as great, great grandma's and that doesn't "just happen." I thought it was cool, too that Josh's family seems very family-oriented. They said that twice a year, a family newsletter will come out and any big news and information will be in there. Come on, what family has a newsletter? On top of all that, there is a family reunion every 2 years. I really hit the jackpot, eh? :-] Maybe at the next reunion . . . never mind. ;-]

I really wish I had the time to edit some of the photos from the reunion, but honestly, I didn't have time. Not long, some will be posted! :-]

Next weekend will kind of be a tiny reunion for me and some of my dad's side of the family. Me and Errika are taking a road trip to Michigan for my cousin's wedding. Since Josh's union is currently on strike, there is a slight chance that he will be going with us! Errika and I planned for just the two of us, but having Josh tag along will be cool, too since he has never met any of my family. I can't wait to see what happens! :-] At this point, maybe I should be saying my sister, Errika, huh?

"I think you look just fine."

2010-07-02T15:42:00.000-07:00

Today, my niece turns 6 years old and I have to admit that she's taught me a couple valuable things today.

1) As I was blow-drying my hair, she was asking me, "Do you have to do this every day?" I replied, Yup, can't leave the house with my hair is a big, frizzy mess. And she said, "Well, life must get boring then." I found this really cool because she's so right; as adults, we've made our lives too repetitive. Day in and day out. Everything is so routine . . . if I did leave the house with my hair in a big, frizzy mess my life probably would have been a little more interesting today. Variety is the spice of life, right? :-]

2) Today I was trying on a new shirt that I just got and my niece was in my room hanging out with Josh and I kept asking Josh, Are you sure this doesn't look too tight? It doesn't make my stomach look fatter? And in her sweet voice, she said, "Auntie, I think you look just fine. Don't change your shirt, it's pretty." This touched me because she's so young that she doesn't see those kinds of things. She sees something that looks nice within her own standards, and not according to those of society. Oh, and just for the record, I didn't change my shirt . . . only because of her sweet compliment. :-]

"Can I sleep in your bed, Auntie?"

2010-06-30T20:22:00.000-07:00

That's the question that I've been asked the most this past week. I mentioned in another post that my step-sister is in town with her 2 kids, Charlee and Matthew. They are such adorable kids . . . and apparently Charlee loves her Auntie. She has been asking me day in and day out "Can I sleep in your bed with you, tonight? Please, Auntie? I'll even sleep on your floor." I just tell her, Not tonight, Sweetheart or If you're still awake when I get home, sure (knowing that I won't be home until the wee hours of the morning); I cannot stand sharing a bed with other people. I just feel comfortable knowing that there are no dirty feet in my bed or that no one is staring at me, hogging my blankets, drooling on my pillows, or going to keep me up talking about nonsense. Well, last night my mom and me went to the midnight showing of Eclipse and before I left, Charlee asked "the question." I replied Sure, if you're still awake, you can sleep with me, but if you're not, I'm not going to wake you up. We didn't get home until 2:30 a.m.. I made sure that I pulled my car far enough up the driveway so that way if she looked out the window, she wouldn't see my car. Well, me and my mom made it past the barking dogs and I was able to wash my face and climb in bed peacefully . . . no need to break a six year old's heart.

That is, until 4:30 a.m.. I always lock my door at night because I do not like people coming in my room "just because." Well, you can unlock my door from the outside by just a simple turn and apparently Charlee figured it out. I woke up, and because my room was dark (I sacrificed my nightlight for her a couple days ago!), I only saw her sillouette; she had her pillow and a blanket and was making her little spot on the floor. I just said, Charlee, how did you get in here? and in her sweet, innocent voice said, "I just unlocked it with that 'thing.'" Okay, come and lay right here, don't sleep on the floor. But next time my door is locked, you cannot come in here without asking, okay? "Okay" she replied and we just fell back alseep. Honestly, it wasn't that bad . . . but it will not happen again. :-]

Summertime

2010-06-29T08:11:00.000-07:00

Step-sister is town (along with her kids) for a month, Taste of Chicago, hang out with friends, sleep, several failed attempts to get that third barn painted before his family reunion next weekend, family reunions, weddings, rollerblade, work, job-search . . . . ahhh, Summer. I mentioned to Josh a couple days ago, I haven't blogged in a few days and it makes me sad. But to be quite honest, the Summertime is a kind of time that steals everything else. Busyness happens and then you're looking forward to the next busy event and more life gets in the way; I like that. I like looking forward to the busyness of life. :-] Speaking of which, I've got a hair appointment, a pedicure, a mini-roadtrip with Errika, a wedding, and a small "family reunion" next week that I've been looking forward to all Summer.
We haven't even gotten around to doing some things that I've been looking forward to . . . the zoo, picnics, fishing, looong car rides, tennis, nights in Chicago, etc. Hopefully some time this Summertime!

I'm good. :-]

2010-06-23T13:04:00.000-07:00

I had the guts (and coupon knowledge) to stand up to the lady at the register today at Target. :-] I bought 2 Air Wick air fresheners, 1 razor for my boo, and a tube of toothpaste. I found the toothpaste on clearance (why? I don't know!) for $2.07, because of my coupons, the razor was free and the Air Wicks were $1.99/each. I had 2 Air Wick coupons: buy one, get one free and a $2.50 off of one. I gave her both of the coupons and she said that I can only use one coupon for the Air Wick. I told her Well, I bought 2 fresheners, so I should be able to use 2 coupons. And she told me "no, you can't." Yes, I'm pretty sure I can. 2 coupons and 2 fresheners. "Wait, how much did they cost?" So, she realized that she just had to adjust the price since the coupon was for $2.50 off and they only costed $1.99. So, the cool thing was that that extra .50 rolled over to my other items. I ended up getting all of that for $1.93 and saving $14.99. :-] I'm good.
Yesterday, I mentioned to Josh that we needed to grab some groceries. He was joking with me and told me, "We don't have money." I laughed and told him I can get all we need for under $60. So we stopped at the ATM and he gave me money for groceries (and even threw in an extra $20 just because). The funny thing here is that he always pokes fun at me for being able to buy stuff and spend all that I have without going over by even a penny. Yes, it's a talent of mine. :-] So . . . I bought all that we needed from Walmart and the total was $61 something and after coupons it ended up being $56 something. Haha, I had to laugh when that happened. :-]

Finally . . .

2010-06-21T16:46:00.000-07:00

. . . my Internet connection is restored. Josh bought a PS3 on Friday and he wanted to connect it to the Internet (so he could play his Call of Duty game), so we called to get the connection key and after losing the connection and reestablishing a new code, he finally got his PS3 connected. Well, he forgot to give me the new code for my laptop and my iPd, so I was bored. All weekend (while he worked and was with his Dad for Father's Day). Without my laptop. It wasn't fun. But, now I'm reconnected! :-] At least I was able to get my coupons clipped and organized, cleaned my room, and be bored to death (well, not literally obviously).

I almost forgot to mention, I went and seen the "girl" doctor today and was sooo relieved. I haven't gone in 2 years and now that it's done and out of the way for this year, I feel like 1 million pounds have been lifted off of my shoulders. I needed to find a new GYN, so I researched online and found one with really good reviews and had 4.5 stars out of 5 (after like 15 reviews!), so I figured I'd give her a shot. Great find and great choice! I've told you before that I get paranoid about my health and just am nervous about getting some kind of cancer. My great-grandma, grandma, and aunt have all had breast cancer before the age of 50, so that puts me at a high-risk for having the gene for it. For precautionary purposes, we did a DNA test to determine whether I had the trait carrying the chromosome. All I had to do was swoosh (Scope) mouthwash for 30 seconds, spit, and repeat (not to mention, my tongue got burned off!). The nurse said that if I don't carry the trait, I don't really have to worry too much about getting breast cancer, but if I do carry the trait, I have to be watched very carefully and be very proactive with mammograms, etc. I can't wait to get my results back! :-] Even though this was a very small, 30 minute task I got done today, I feel like I just defeated 1,000 tasks! :-]

This is my blog so I can be real, right? Well, I have to admit, I am a Christian that is pretty much convinced that I like Eminem's new CD. :-/ Hey, what's wrong with that?! Wait, don't answer that question!

Scary thoughts to entertain

2010-06-18T13:03:00.000-07:00

Lately, it's seeming as though death has been all around me. Well, I shouldn't say all around, but death has been "the trend", maybe I should say that instead. I've shared this with you all before, about my struggle with thoughts of death, or losing Josh somehow. It's something that I even struggle with talking about because I get pretty emotional, however I know that it is part of life, it happens, and it is something that needs to be confronted and dealt with. I literally cannot think of anything worse than having to live even a day knowing that I will not be seeing Josh again (well, at least in this lifetime, anyway); the weird thing about it though is that even though it is something that I struggle with sooo much, it's not big enough (nor could it ever be) for me to say I hope I'm the first to go, not Josh because I would never want him to have to deal with my biggest fear, but on his end; get what I'm saying? Josh and I always say that we will never have to live without each other because Jesus will come before then; although this thought is so comforting and eases pain of the bad thoughts, I know that it's not entirely healthy. I pray that Jesus comes back during my lifetime; I pray that I will witness His return, but that may not be the case. I know that I need to have a strong enough relationship with my Lord in order to help me endure through the times that I just may have to face. I need to find rest in knowing that no matter what circumstance in placed in front of me, that my God will carry me through.
The thought of death is a scary, scary thing to entertain, but there is something that needs to be recognized: God is the creator, our reason for living. I love Josh with all of my heart . . . every single ounce of it; that's a bad thing. God needs to have more than that and I cannot say that He does. I need to teach myself that God is my reason for living, not Josh. God is the reason that I am here, not Josh. Life is amazing, perfect, and I couldn't ask for more as long as Josh is in it, and I need to get my priorities in order. Plus, the more I am loving God, the more He will teach me to love Josh; they go hand-in-hand! Cool, huh? :-] The hard part is shifting my attention, care, love, and time from earthly matter to Someone that really matters in the end. :-]

On another note, I noticed that I have a new follower! Welcome, Amanda! I hope that you enjoy reading my random thoughts. :-] Oh, and my photography blog officially up and running, you all need to go check it out and leave me some feedback! :-]

Watch me grow!

2010-06-15T08:51:00.000-07:00

I am back after a few days of . . . well, I guess kind of forgetting I even had a blog. No, I'm kidding, I didn't forget about you guys! :-] I have been a little busy this weekend. It's been so rainy and humid that napping is the best thing to do. Anyway, I have two cool things to share with you: 1) I know what my best friend, Errika is having . . . still a secret! She found out today (cute story to follow); and 2) my photography blog is officially up and running! As I told you before, she agreed to sharing the gender with her family and friends through my blog and the photos that we are going to take today. :-] Now, my goal is to get those photos taken, edited, and posted by tonight; that's got to be one hard secret to keep! :-]

Oh, and a random thought of mine: I never finish anything I start. It sucks! I was thinking about how I started my nephew's 1 year scrapbook, P90X, Weight Watchers . . . umm, there's gotta be more, but I can't remember. Haha, but I never finish! I need some discipline! One thing that I promise to grasp on to and actually grow in is photography! :-] Watch me grow!

Slighty busy

2010-06-10T08:35:00.000-07:00

Today sure is going to be a slightly busy day, so I wanted to catch up with you before I get sucked in. Yesterday, Josh, Errika, and I went to the park so that I could take some pictures for my photography blog (which I'm not completely happy about), so I am going to be editting some of those (did I mention, that's the hardest part?!) I also need to get my blog banner finished . . . then I will be able to start that up! :-] After I get off work, I am going to go and get my $1 sub at Jimmy Johns today (woo hoo!). And the best news for today, I got an e-mail saying that I will be getting my new camera lens via UPS today! I think that's what helped pull me out of bed this morning haha. Oh, and it's the day before Friday! ;-]

I can't wait to share some pictures from my new lens with you!

Chime in!

2010-06-08T07:27:00.000-07:00

So, I have begun making my photography blog although I will not make it public until I have it all finished; I just have to add a few more things. Don't get me wrong, there is going to be nothing special about it by any means, just a place for people to go and see only photos. I'm actually debating whether I want to make it a second blog that is solely for photography or if I should just add photos? I'm at a fork in the road! What do you think? I have also made a watermark for my photos . . . which requires a name. Wanna know my name? Can't tell you yet! It won't be long, promise. :-] I do know that I love how it looks! I am pretty impressed with myself! ;-] I am also debating whether or not I want to add the watermark to photos now or wait until they actually look as good as they possibly can. Oh, boy these are tough decisions! Come on, chime in! What do you like?

Today's bright ideas

2010-06-04T15:50:00.000-07:00

My wonderful, great, beautiful, amazing, cool, best friend Errika came into my work yesterday and dropped off a card. I asked her What in the world is this? "Just open it!" she said. What was in there? A card telling me that she admires how I care about so many things around me and that she supports my photography hobby. What else, you might ask? $150 for the lens that I've been wanting to get since I started taking pictures (hey, so what if that's only been 3 weeks?!)!!! She's lucky I love her because I wouldn't accept that monetary gift from just anyone. So, today, I purchased my first (non-kit) lens! Yay! :-]

On another note, Josh pitched the idea of me started a photography blog. That blog would be solely photography: what I've learned, where I am at (skill-wise), photos I've taken, and pretty much just a place for me to track my journey. I'm down with the idea, I'm just a little nervous about what this blog might look like?

Finally, I had 2 great ideas today: 1) an idea for Errika's baby's gender announcement/baby shower invitation, and 2) a way to increase "traffic" on that new blog. My great idea summed up? I will take those pictures, announcing the gender of her little one, and she will announce it via my blog and only through that portal. :-] I figure it will give it a wee bit publicity . . . right? Hopefully!

My dreams are crazy!

2010-06-04T09:41:00.000-07:00

My mom, some friends, and I were on a cruise and my mom thought it would be fun to jump in the ocean and see if she could find any whales. Before she dove in, she zipped herself up in her polar bear suit. When she dove in, she swam around gracefully until she finally found a huge whale. She swam around the whale, touching its skin softly until she came up with an idea: swim under the whale's fins. When she did, she made the whale upset and it darted after her as quick as it could. When it caught up to her, it snapped her between his large-as-life jaws. So much for an enjoyable cruise.

Josh told me that on his way to work, a man on a motorcycle (bike) was clipped by a moving truck. The man rolled across the lane until his legs were run over. Josh pulled over along with another car and the truck that hit the man. Josh was alongside another driver, talking and keeping the man awake and making sure he wasn't even more seriously injured. As Josh and the other driver were distracted, the driver of the moving truck got back in his vehicle and pulled off, not saying a word. The cops and ambulance came and Josh left the scene. As he was driving, Josh saw the moving truck pulled over by the police.

My sister thought it would be a bright idea to drive around with Andrew (my nephew, her son) on her lap. When I got in the car, I began lecturing her, telling her she was the worst mom in the world. We argued for several blocks before she cussed me out and told me to get out of her car. I laughed at her and she began shooting at me. As I ran, I dialed 9-1-1 and told them my sister's license plate number and location. Then I called Josh to come and get me. I found an old house where I could hide . . . until my sister found where I was. The door bell rang and my sister said it was for me. I went to the door and it was a man standing there with flogging sticks coming in to chase me; Josh got there just in time. Then, the police finally came. There were 3 men: 1 man walking, 1 man driving a bike, and a man on the handle bars. The man on the handle bars was a 400 pound man, eating limes, with a faded black shirt on that said "Police," coming to save me! I felt so hopeless!

Which one is a true story? Haha, that wasn't so hard, was it? My dreams are crazy! Well, let's end this on a positve note and I'll share some photos I took of my friend before leaving for Michigan . . .

Michigan Trip!

2010-06-03T08:43:00.000-07:00

I'm back from Michigan! I have to say that I had a great time, but like they say, "home, sweet home." I had a great time meeting my Aunt and cousins again . . . it was kind of cool to be able to be with the same exact people, but at a whole different point in each of our lives. No doubt about it, we are all different people than we were before (it's inevitable!). I did not take any pictures because I forgot to charge my little camera and I did not want to pull out my honkin' camera unless I was completely comfortable and I wasn't haha! I think it was more me being uncomfortable with the camera and my lack of skill, but whatever. :-] I spent lots of time talking with my Aunt, which I really enjoyed.
The worst part of the trip? The trip home! I woke up at 5:40 (4:40 Illinois time) since I had to be at the train station at 6:45. I was supposed to arrive in Chicago at 11:59 which was perfect because the train from Chicago to my town left at 12:35; this was the perfect amount of time to walk the two blocks with my big ol' suitcase. Well, I didn't arrive in Chicago until 12:30 and I knew immediately that I would not be able to get off the train, out of the station, walk 2 blocks and purchase my next ticket in 5 minutes. It wouldn't have been so bad if the next train left sooner than 4:15! Luckily, Josh was working near Chicago and got off at 2:00, so he just drove to Chicago and picked me up. What does that mean? I had to sit. In the train station. For 2 hours. Hungry. Tired. Cranky as all get out. When Josh finally got there, he told me that when he isn't driving (at a light, or in traffic), getting airflow through the engine, his car begins to overheat. Well, of course, we got stuck is a lot of traffic on the way home. So, I suggested turning the heat on since it will pull heat out of the motor. What was I thinking? This ended up making me even more irritated and uncomfortable. We decided that he would take a shower at my house while I unpacked, we'd go grab dinner at Lone Star, and then come home and crash. We fell asleep at about 8:00 and I didn't wake up again until 2:30 when it was time for him to go home. I went back asleep until 8:30 and I feel so great and refreshed! :-]

I will never take a train again! I am going back to Michigan in about 4 weeks again for my cousin's wedding. Thank goodness I've great an amazing best friend that will drive there with me and be my date. :-] It will be about a 5.5-6 hour drive and kudos to her for wanting to stick that out while being a little over 5 months pregnant. I think it will be a blast and it's funny that she will meet my Couch family before Josh! Hmm . . . maybe I'll be engaged in time to show off my new bling! ;-]

Michigan!

2010-05-31T07:27:00.000-07:00

I made it to Michigan! The time on the train was not as long and I thought it would feel. I just tried to get in touch with my inner-photographer and go through about 200 pictures and end up with 10% of them to edit . . . that was the hard part. :-] Anyway, I went through pictures and watched a movie and listened to music and the next thing I knew, I was already here!
My Aunt ended up not being a masked-murderer that was out to ruin my life; imagine that. She really was my Aunt! :-] Now, off to enjoy my day here with the family I never had. I told myself that if I feel comfortable enough, I will break out the camera, which would result in you seeing pictures! :-]

Homeboy?

2010-05-27T08:11:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been reminded of a shirt that I just had to have. You've probably seem them around and maybe you thought badly about them, maybe you didn't. I know I didn't (at the time). I was a "new" Christian, so I thought I was rockin' Jesus' name boldly. Jesus was not my "Homeboy." He is my Savior, my Lord, my Redeemer, my everything. Not some friend that I just label as a Homeboy. Heck, Josh is definitely more to me than a homeboy (although it would be cool to have a shirt with a picture of Josh and saying "Josh is my Homeboy."). I thought I was the coolest kid on the block with my fitted pink shirt. I wore it to every Christian event that I could. How embarrassing! Thank God (literally) that my ex's Aunt knocked me across the head and was the only one bold enough to say something to me about it. I was in fact rubbing God's face in the dirt and belittling His name. What was I thinking? I'll tell you what I was thinking. I thought that shirt was proclaiming my conformation against the world and not being afraid to say Who I identified with. I wasn't afraid to be pointed and laughed at by my old friends. I was wearing a shirt that shared my beliefs . . . or so I thought.
I wish I could go up to every single person (including some Christian singers) that saw me wearing that shirt and shout to them all through a megaphone that Jesus is NOT my homeboy!!! He is my life, my best friend, my confidant; the only reason I live!!!! But . . . I can't. The only thing I can do (besides throw that $30 shirt away) is to live what I truly believe.

Is Jesus your homeboy or is He much, much more?

Jealousy and confidence

2010-05-26T17:35:00.000-07:00

It seems like ever since I got my camera, it has been consuming my life. I keep having photography dreams, I am constantly thinking Ooo that might work! or I wonder if I did 'X' wrong. It's actually pretty annoying. My mind has been taken over! Haha, I suppose it's okay since I was begging for my camera for quite a while, but whoa! I've been reading up on photography blogs getting tips and tricks (all of which seem like an entirely different language to me!) and hoping that I'll be able to apply it to my photography soon enough. I'm also trying to get myself familiar with Photoshop, too (which I also begged for, got for Christmas, and has been left untouched since!); the program is sooo intimidating that it scares me off. I've come across some very informational blogs and hope to continue referring to them in the future . . . that's if I can actually get some understanding from my camera's User's Manual!
There is a bright side to all of this, though. I admitted to Josh that when I look at other's photos, I have a bit of jealousy and really, really hope that one day I'll be just as good, but when I look back at my recent photos, I am actually very content with the quality (with it being my first time and all). One thing that I am really hoping and wishing for is that I'll have just enough knowledge to take my friend Errika's maternity pictures (if she's up for it) before the little thing shows it's face! I've seen some really cute ideas and think that I'll be able to pull it off. :-] I've got 4 months (I think) to practice . . . with the rate I'm going now, I'm actually feeling rather confident. Wish me luck!

P.S.: My cousin is really good with photography and when he took a look at my photos, he told me, "I like your album. Some really good stuff! . . . You've definitely got a great eye for framing and composition, so you're off to a good start." :-]

Breaking in the camera!

2010-05-25T08:16:00.000-07:00

Since I have my awesome new camera, I'll let this weekend's photos do the talking! :-]

Introducing . . . !

2010-05-21T21:41:00.000-07:00

Josh and I decided that since it was a Friday night, we didn't really want to sit in the house. So, we decided to get dinner at Olive Garden and then walk around the mall and spend a little money. As soon as we walked into the mall, Josh said, "If we leave right now, we will go get your camera." I started laughing out loud and told him be quiet, come on. "I'm so serious. But we have to leave right now." But, but, I wanted to get my free underwear and my perfume. "You want that stuff more than your camera?" So, I grabbed his hand and he really guided me back out the door!

Now, introducing my new baby! Notice my confusion haha!

He said it's up to me to purchase any books I want to get me started . . . Barnes and Noble, here I come!

His first trip

2010-05-21T13:12:00.000-07:00

Today when I woke up, my mom came in my room and asked me if I wanted to take Andrew (my nephew) to go see Shrek 3 with her. I thought to myself, Hmm . . . skip my work out and tanning and go see a movie? Actually, it was a harder decision than you would think because I promised myself that if I don't work out, I will not tan. I held myself up to that and decided no workout, no tanning and yes to a movie with my sweet nephew.
This was his first trip to a movie theater, so I was pretty excited for his excitement. Get what I'm saying? He kept saying, "Titi, mobie 'n pahcorns, pahcorns." Since he wasn't feeling too well, I knew that we had a possibility of one of two outcomes: 1) He would throw the world's worst tantrum when he started to get bored, or 2) he would be an angel. Fortunately he decided he would choose the latter of the two. He watched the first 25 minutes of it and told me, "Titi, all done. Up." I picked him up and set him on my lap and he was knocked out! We enjoyed the movie just like all of the other little kids there while he had his big ol' cranium crushed against my collar bone, drool spilling down my shirt, and his shoe digging in my shin. Honestly, I wouldn't have traded his vulnerability-induced cuddliness and that Titi-needing moment for any other. :-] Ahh . . . I'm proud to be his "Titi."

Don't judge me!

2010-05-20T08:00:00.000-07:00

I keep promising Josh that I am not addicted to couponing . . . that I can withhold from buying a "free" deal or money-maker. I don't really think that's possible or sensible. I need to. And if that is what makes me an "addict," well then admit me because I can't stop! What's so good? Well, Walgreens has Gillette and Old Spice body wash free right now . . . you pay $4.49 and get $4.50 back in Register Rewards (which can be used at Jewel towards anything). If you stack your coupons perfectly, you can actually make money from this deal. Now I've got $27 worth of Register Rewards that need to be used towards groceries before May 31st. Can I come clean about my so-called "addiction?" I've bought Josh 10 already. Hey! Don't judge me . . . I have a clean boyfriend and know that we will not be buying this stuff again for a while, alright? I've also been able to get 2 bottles of Motrin PM and 2 Benedryl itch relief sticks for free at Target! Do I use that stuff? Nope. But maybe I might come across a family member that needs them. Where do I put this overload? I've got a designated drawer in my room . . . that is now quickly filling up. The good part about this though is that I can look at all of my stuff and say I got this stuff for either really, really cheap or free. Feels good. :-]

It's my anniversary!

2010-05-17T20:05:00.000-07:00

Today is day 365 of blogging for me! To be quite honest, I didn't really think that I would have the interest or discipline to be able to maintain my blog; I proved myself wrong. :-] When I first started blogging, I remember saying that my reason to start was because I felt like my life was boring and uneventful and that if I began blogging, I would be able to track my excitements and see that my life really isn't that boring. Well . . . blogging really hasn't gone in the direction that I anticipated. I've talked to you all about some completely randoms things . . . things that really aren't even relevant to anything! haha Thanks for listening anyway!
Since beginning blogging, I've learned more about me. I've learned some things that I don't think I would have really been able to learn about myself before doing this. For example, who would have ever that I would be a "crazy coupon girl?" I love couponing! Through blogging. :-] I never thought of myself as someone that would be really interested in photography . . . as soon as I get my camera, you're going to see some talent! :-] I also learned a lot of unique things that I will want to do and try when I have a family . . . all through this whole big blog world. The world of blogging is something big and you can learn a lot! Boy am I glad that I started! Here's to a whole 'nother year . . . even if I only have 2 regular readers! :-D

Of course . . . !

2010-05-15T16:29:00.000-07:00

Of course . . . when I do good, I gain weight! Go figure. But honestly, I can't complain. If you would have asked me last night, I would have put $100 on it that I lost at least 3 pounds; I feel more toned, less jiggly (haha!), and looked more tight and less bloated. I only missed one day of working out and kept within my boundaries for eating but it still doesn't seem to be enough to bring numbers done. Perhaps the number I should be looking at is my body fat percentage? My clothes feel like they fit more comfortably, so really, I can't be mad.
Josh told me that once my water weight evens itself out, I will lose more weight. He also said that the more muscle you have, the easier you burn fat which means that if I just keep going and not give up out of frustration, it may prove itself worth while.
So . . . what am I doing tonight? Going to pick up some newspapers and get my coupons, babyyy!!! Okay, and after that, I am going to splurge on my favorite high calorie ice cream! Yes! I'm rebelling! Oh, and not to mention, for family dinner tomorrow, Josh's family and I are going to Buffalo Wild Wings. Boy, oh boy, when will this nightmare end?!

On a more positive note, I just purchased my ticket to Michigan in two weeks! :-]

Dreaming

2010-05-13T16:46:00.000-07:00

Life is always giving you lemons, but who says you have to make lemonade? I've been learning more and more that life does not go as planned. As a little girl, I've dreamt about growing up with both of my parents raising me, both of them being in my life every single day. I've dreamt about dressing up like a princess and going to prom with my high school sweet heart. I've dreamt that I will meet this handsome blonde-haired fairytale-like man that will sweep my off of my feet. I've thought about how nice it would be to get engaged during my senior year of college. I've dreamt about graduating college and getting a high-paying job right away.
I'm dreaming about how great it would be to be engaged and be married by next summer. I'm dreaming about how great it would be to have a perfect, financially stable marriage. I'm dreaming about starting a family very soon and having at least 4 kids. I'm dreaming about being able to raise my kids and homeschool them until they are ready for college.
BUT, life has not given me any of what I used to dream about and I highly doubt that life will hand me what I expect from it now. I used to think that those things were perfect and that if they never happened, my life would come to a screeching halt and I must say, I'm doing mighty fine. :-] I must also say that I love my life and I would not change a single thing about it. I'm just going through the motions and appreciating the unexpectedness. It's funny how society has painted us this picture of what life should be and if it doesn't turn out that way, we have either failed or we just haven't tried hard enough. Well, I sure am glad that I am not a cookie-cutter product that society expects me to be. What fun would that be?!

feeling a little spontaneous

2010-05-12T17:37:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling a little spontaneous. Yesterday my dad texted me talking disrespectfully again. I knew he would once it came closer to Mother's Day and I didn't text or call my stepmom. I was so right; I know that mean man a bit too well. I knew I shouldn't have responded to that text and should have just ignored him and act like I never got it because if I did respond, it would only cause things to worsen . . . but I cannot keep my mouth closed some times. I like getting the last word and I like people knowing what I feel. My dad and I have not talked since Thanksgiving when he sent me a mean text and that particular conversation ended with him telling me that I don't deserve him coming to my graduation (which would be in two months from that point). I offered to pay for his place ticket, but I guess his time was the hard thing in getting. Whatever. Anyway, last night he told me that 1) "kids now days are so disrespectful," 2) he didn't come to my graduation because the "ticket you promised never came," 3) "you only call when you want something," 4) "are you still a church goer," 5) "you will never grow up," 6) "you are going to be lonely . . . this conversation is proof," 7) "everyone I've talked to said you're in the wrong." Alrighty then. I guess I learned that he knows that he's wrong, he's a lonely man, he stood up my graduation, and that he has never been there for me.
With all of that being said, I shared that conversation with my Aunt Andrea (my dad's brother's ex-girlfriend) online. She had custody of my sister and me for 3 months when we were younger (about 3 and 1 years old) and I haven't seen her since. She recently found me on Facebook and we've chatted on several different occasions, but I haven't seen her since her guardianship. She has two kids herself, Jennifer and Andrew; we were all really close when we were younger. Andrew is getting married this July so I planned on going to Michigan for the wedding but after me and my dad's conversation last night, I feel like me sharing that with Andrea brought our lost relationship to a whole new level. Sooo, I proposed me coming and visiting with her a whole lot sooner . . . like, this month sooner. She couldn't be more excited to reunite with "her niece that [she] never wanted to give back." I am thinking of going up there at the end of this month and coming back the first couple days of June. It will be cool because I'll be there for the bridal shower and my cousin Jenni will also be in town from Florida so I will be meeting this part of the family for the first time in 18 years! Weird. But, I feel like this is something that I need. I need a part of that family that I can hold on to and introduce to my future family. I want that family there that I know loves and cares. The only thing that I need to do is by my ticket and I'm there. On my own. Meeting family again. I'm feeling like this is yet another big step for me. :-]

Life is good!

2010-05-10T18:39:00.000-07:00

I do not get the "case of the Mondays." Why? Because I have Mondays off. How? Because I used to have class on Monday nights, but not any more! I have a feeling that because I'm writing about this, my free Mondays are going to be snatched away very, very soon. :-] Sure, I get Saturdays and Sundays off, but Mondays are nice to have off, too.
I woke up at about 10:30 today and pulled myself out of bed to go work out downstairs. Like I taught myself last time just do it! Once all is said and done, the work out feels great. I realized a couple of days ago that in order to get me motivated and really working hard, I need good music. I cannot keep listening to the same playlist over and over and over again; so, I downloaded an app called "iHeart Radio" on my iPod; it is live streaming of hundreds of radio stations. I didn't do it for a local radio station, but I was able to tune into my favorite Florida radio station . . . there's motivation for ya! Just make myself think that I'm in Florida working out haha! After the work out, Josh was still working on a homework assignment, so it gave me some much needed time to get things done that have been waiting. I washed my sheets. No . . . it has not been long, but if I had the time and patience (and the enjoyment of making my bed), I would wash my sheets about 4 times a week. Is it just me or are soft, unwrinkled, smell-good sheets one of life's simple things to enjoy? Aahh. I vaccuumed my room, organized more coupons, did two online surveys to snag a couple of good deals, and went tanning . . . all while listening to my new Florida radio station. :-]
But the most exciting part of my day . . . cold brew Lipton iced tea with lemon pieces in a water bottle . . .yumm, quenching, delicious, addicting!

Life is good!

My guy

2010-05-08T18:13:00.000-07:00

The other day, one of the girls here, at the salon, let me borrow a book called Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. It's a book very similar to Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I bought the book a couple of years ago when I took the train with my mom to Michigan. It was a very interesting book and something that I was easily able to "get into," but it kind of made me think a little.

I don't know about your boyfriends or husbands, but there is no book that can tell me why mine acts or thinks the way he does. I don't mean that in a demeaning way, I say that and mean that my guy is not the same that these so-called "Psychologists" have studied or hung around. My guy is one-of-a-kind, unique. My guy is one that knows and loves God and tries his darndest to reflect the attitude of Christ. My guy is one that knows exactly how to read me and does not fight in order to figure it out. My guy is one that is not in it for the sex but for a reciprocating kind of love. My guy does not act differently in front of family or friends but loves and treats me the same whether in front of an audience of 10 or 1. My guy knows how to communicate what he wants or needs from our relationship.
With that being said, I think those kinds of books are a little useless. When I read the Mars/Venus book, the only thing I got out of it was that if I try to understand Josh more than I can at the present moment, I am only becoming confused and expecting things from our relationship that do not exist simply because he is not them. I learned that I will only be able to understand and know what Josh wants, needs, or feels if we communicate with each other. The books are basically saying that you can walk up to a stranger, not say a thing, and not know a single thing about them and be able to have a strong, enduring relationship because you simply read 300 pages in a book about the male race. Nope. Doesn't work that way.

I love my unique guy. He is different than yours, that's for sure. :-]

I heard back . . .

2010-05-06T08:45:00.000-07:00

I heard back from the company that I applied to . . .

On Monday, they called back and apologized, but the position that I applied for was filled by another candidate, but they still want me to work with their company and want me to get my foot in the door while gaining some more experience (because I was lacking in that department). He told me that the position they had for me would be working with the clients at their homes and that there were 2 positions open: a 32-hour and a 40-hour, both with the same pay. I told him that I preferred the 40-hour because it was full-time. He said that he would let me know, but he couldn't promise anything because there is another person they are considering as well. So, he asked me to visit one of the homes with him and get a feel and look around. At this point, I didn't want to mention anything to anyone because I was unsure about it. I knew for a fact that I was not going to take the 32-hour position because the hours were Thursday-Sunday 2:30-10:20 p.m.; I didn't feel willing to give up my whole life for a part-time job that was not what I applied for in the first place. So I kept this hush-hush until I knew, knew.
Fast forward to Wednesday afternoon . . . I met him at the home. It was a duplex located just a town over and there was 8 residents total: 4 guys (on the "guy side") and 4 women (on the "girl side"). The clients seemed so happy, sweet, interested, and excited that there was a new person in their home. They were people that I could see myself getting used to. :-] I could see myself cooking their dinner, packing their lunches, decorating their home for holidays, planning birthdays, get-togethers, planning game nights. Then, when I began hearing about the day-to-day routine in the home, the mood changed completely. I would have to help them bathe, use the bathroom, clean up feces, urine, throw-up (if necessary), worry about the guys walking around without pants on (which does happen frequently), drive them around so they can take care of their errands, etc. All of which I felt completely uncomfortable with and in my opinion, this was not Social Work and I would not be able to complete my Social Work training under this position, so . . .

. . . I turned them down.

Krissy sure was happy to hear that I would be staying at Omni longer. Now, I am kind of in "job-searching limbo." I don't know what I want to do. I know that I need to complete the training for Social Work within 1 year or else all of the last 16 weeks was a waste of time, money, and gas. I want to start a career, working 9-5, getting paid salary rather than hourly. But, I want to know that I have worth even if I don't have those things. I went to school to begin a career and as of right now, I'm unsure of what that ideal career is.
You know, I could see myself being an Academic Advisor (at either the high school or college level) . . .

Some changes

2010-05-04T08:05:00.000-07:00

My body is telling me that it is time to make some changes! Lately, I have been feeling so bloated and unhealthy and have been thinking about doing Weight Watchers again. And P90X again. And the colon cleanse again. I hate those thoughts! I love my food too much but I have come to realize that this is my problem! The other night (Sunday), I weighed myself and I was the most I have ever weighed: 146.3! Holy moly! I wanted to bawl! I have never weighed that much. Ever. The following morning, I weighed myself and I was 143 exact, so we will go with that as my starting weight. I remember that I used to tell myself If I ever get in the 130s, then it's time to lose weight then it became If I ever get in the 140s, then its time to lose weight. Well, I have made it my goal to get down to a weight that I've wanted for quite some time: 125. If I reach that and I see areas that still need work, I will increase my goal by 5 more (120, 115) until I am happy. I am a short girl, so those goals are definitely healthy.
Now, a 3 month commitment is not much to ask of myself, so I will commit. If you look to the right side of the screen, I have added a little 12-week column so that you can help me track (and keep me accountable of) my weight loss. I hardly ever tell people my actual weight, but there you have it . . . shhh! I have added my start weight and body fat; hopefully those numbers will begin to decrease quickly. I will be updating my weight loss (and gains) every Saturday. I made a vow to Josh and myself that I will not quit either of those regimes until I have reached that ultimate goal. Josh said that once I get to 125, he will buy me a new workout wardrobe and a new pair of workout shoes. On top of that, I will have a nice, tight body for a wedding I'm going to (where I will reunite with some family) and hopefully engagement pictures won't be too far behind the weight loss! I better get to work!

Now, don't let me quit my goal. If you see that column gone (or not updated), get on my butt about it! :-]

The famous and the original

2010-05-02T19:33:00.000-07:00

The famous Superdawg . . .

We had our dinner here tonight. This yummy place was featured on the Travel Channel's Hot Dog Paradise. And we can officially say that we now know why. What we don't know is why they only have one "Superdawg." Everything else is either hamburgers or chicken.

. . . And the (like, THE) original McDonalds

Who woulda thought that the original we're-gonna-get-people-fat-and-addicted restaurant was just around the corner? Cool thing is that we found it by accident. We pulled into McDonalds because I had to go pee and I became suspicious since this McDonalds was literally 50 feet away from the one we pulled into and I said to Josh, Eww . . . how fat can American get? Why is there another McDonalds right there? and then noticed that this one was gated in. Google confirmed it! :-] This #1 McDonalds restaurant is now a museum.

Interview Number Three

2010-04-30T15:04:00.000-07:00

As you know, I had my third interview today. It defintely was not what I thought it would be. I thought I would be sitting with my prospective boss and that she would ask me simple questions like "Why do you want to work here?" and "What are some challenges that you think you might face?" Nope. Of course not. I was in a conference room with two individuals that were asking me questions that were similar to that last interview that I had; "Tell me about a time when . . . ." How many different life experiences do they expect me to just bring to the surface at the drop of a hat?! On top of that, I had to write another essay. :-] It is definitely an experience in and of itself. I'm not complaining, though; I am certainly more than happy that I've been able to go through my third interview witht them. I must be doing something right. It seems as though they've been doing all of their calling and scheduling interviews with me on Wednesdays, so hopefully I will hear from them again next Wednesday and hopefully there will not be a fourth interview! I just want to start my career already! :-] In the mean time, I will leave it at His feet and pray that doors open and close according to His will.

Third times a charm, right?

2010-04-27T16:38:00.000-07:00

Just as they promised, they called within a week and I have my third interview this Friday! This time, the woman who contacted me was the manager of the Case Management department which means that this will eventually be my boss (that's if I get the job!). She sounded very nice and eager about the interview. Now, hopefully I will find out this Friday if I got the job or not. I really hope that this all works out because this is the only game plan that I've got. Nothing else up my sleeves. :-]

Did I mention that if I get the job, I owe Josh "5 crisp $20 bills?" Yeah, it was kind of a (dumb, silly, nonsense) bet that we made. I guess it's our money, so it won't really be a loss to me haha!

Wish me luck (if you believe in that kind of thing). Otherwise, pray for me! :-]

I just want a family!

2010-04-27T08:22:00.000-07:00

You've heard me talk about my desire to become a mom. Soon. But, only one problem: I am not married, nor am I really ready for that kind of sacrifice. I have thought about things I want to do (babywearing, breast feeding, ECing, homeschooling, etc.), ways that I want to raise my kids, and the way I want to instill certain values and morals in their lives. I also must admit that I am slightly envious of those around me that are pregnant or having their babies. We've been hanging out with our friend, Errika A LOT and just hearing her talk about her pregnancy pains, discomforts, and planning for "Baby A" is getting me so happy and excited for her, but wishing I was in her position. I just want to be able to get my life started and start working towards something that I feel I was meant for. Josh and I are so ready to be married, but we're just waiting on some things like employment, paying off debt, and other things (as I've mentioned before). We've also drawn some lines and told each other when it will most likely be appropriate to start a family. Hopefully, things move along quicker because I just want a family! :-]
Now, with all of that being said, I have some major fears that literally cause nightmares at least once a week. I have dreams about stretch marks, saggy boobs, and massive weight gain. I know, those things are kind of inevitable, but I'm not ready for that. I'm dealing with some insecurities now; yes, I know, I will never be perfect and insecurities are never-ending. My point is that if I'm not completely secure now, how can I learn to love myself after taking on those things that I fear the most?

Interview Number 2

2010-04-24T08:03:00.000-07:00

I suppose I could have written this a tad sooner for those that are wondering; my interview yesterday went very well. It was not what I thought it would be (but, what ever is?!). There were 2 individuals that interviewed me and asked me "Tell me about a time when . . ." questions that were kind of difficult to answer at times. I also had to write a short essay about the position that I was applying for and what I can contribute to the company. It was kind of cool that I was able to do this interview with the same guy that did the phone interview with me. I was able to be me but still pull off that whole "professional" thing. :-] The hardest part of the whole thing was going 3 hours without putting on my Chapstick!
Now, I have to play the waiting game for the next week. They had this cool scoring sheet that they will use to score my answers to all of their questions . . . I think that's what I am most nervous about. But, like I said in another post, this is all in God's hands and if it's meant to be, it will; if not, He will guide me elsewhere. But, I have to admit, I am a little eager to get my career started. :-]